The older I get and the more I see of the world, the more I think we need a matriarchy. Seriously. And yet, the two most important people in my life are good men, my husband and son. I find it all so hard to reconcile.
Aged 13 my stepfather would come into the bathroom to brush his teeth when my sister (a few years younger) and I were in the shower. The shower curtain did not cover the full shower and he'd get a good perve.
One day he felt me up and I told my mum. She took us to one counselling session (for her counselling is the only answer) and then brushed it under the rug. I had to go through puberty with that man in my home. It's horrible to develop into a woman with a pervy step father in your home, it never feels safe.
That bitch also took my sister and I to live in a commune with pedophiles about the same time. Pedophiles did what pedophiles do. To this day she says she didn't know it was wrong (!)
I had an uncle in the police who found out what was happening to me there. He told my aunt that he could not do anything without permission from my mother to interview me which seems absurd. So police knew, and did nothing!
I've had nothing to do with her now for many years and may Karma see she dies alone.
Sadly abuse of women and children by men is so common. But when we name it as a violence / abuse by men problem, the not-all-men brigade slam on it so damn hard.
Recently I saw a comment by a woman who works in men's mental health. She said when she does this work or advocates for it she get no pushback from women crying "but what about women's mental health?" but everytime she brings up violence against women and children it's ALWAYS "but what about the men?".
If we can't damn well name the problem, male violence and abuse, then we will never be able to find solutions.
The Gisele Pelicot case, the website her husband used and the many other victims like Gisele out there, the case of the Telegram chat with 70,000 men sharing tips on how to abuse and rape, the ongoing rape gangs operating in the UK, the rising rate of rape in Sweden and other European countries... the common theme is all male violence against women and children.
The difference today is the internet gives women spaces like this wonderful MumsNet where we can all talk together and share stories and ideas, in a way that was not possible prior to the internet. I increasingly wonder if this ability to communicate together could be the catalyst that may bring change?
Yet it's also the internet that drives increasingly violent online pornography, and men will defend their right to view it. I believe that unlimited 24/7 access to online porn by boys and men is a massive global experiment that we can't seem to discuss, and it's not ending well for women and girls. Next will be AI powered robots that these men will use to abuse and degrade, practicing the literal objectification of women. I despair, really I do.