Page 16 | Dad hanging round outside bathroom *MNHQ Content warning for abuse*

Househunter2025 · 2025-02-06T20:55:48+00:00

I was reading a thread that just got deleted and it's really made me think. When I was a teenager my dad used to hang around outside the bathroom and my bedroom - I always found it really creepy but nothing else ever happened so I didn't really think it was abusive behaviour - but I always found it really creepy and couldn't stand being near him or alone with him. Never mentioned it to anyone before. In my 40s now and it still bothers me. I'm hyper aware of my kids dad or other males on the family doing anything to them and it feels beyond all proportion. I don't think other parents have this fear. A couple of posters on the other thread said they had experienced similar and I was about to reply but then it was deleted. Don't know what I want from this thread really. I wouldn't mention anything to family - parents are elderly. I don't have sisters. Just want to come to terms with it and put it in perspective I guess.

StasisMom · 13/02/2025 11:18

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 07/02/2025 00:07

That's very very easy to say you would report it. Would you really if you can't prove it? What if the person is dead?

This thread is one of the saddest things I've ever read.

Sorry if anyone subsequent has said this, but just your word is enough for the police to investigate.

StasisMom · 13/02/2025 14:02

BilboBlaggin · 07/02/2025 08:29

It's all very well calling for a matriarchy, but until ALL women are prepared to stand up to these men, instead of turning a blind eye or making excuses, then it won't be much better.

Exactly! The women are very rarely the perpetrators, but many seem to condone it, probably out of fear of losing their man!

Sheepsheeps · 14/02/2025 20:31

This thread has shocked me to my very core.
I've taken two days to carefully read everyone's posts and I actually feel numb reading everyone's experiences.
As a little girl (I'm guessing around 5ish) i remember the next door neighbour (probably about 12 ish?) calling me and my friends over to the fence to show us him playing with himself then asking us to show him 'ours'. I remember being giggly and shy about it as at that age you don't understand sex or the implications or doing such things. I suppose I felt as though we were being naughty and rude! That never affected me mentally but I occasionally wonder what did that boy grow up to be. He moved away shortly after so it never happened again.
I was raised in the 80s when im guessing it was normal for you dad to have a page 3 calendar on full display in the kitchen for little children to see?? My mother use to buy him it every year so obviously condoned it and didn't see any harm in exposing her children to soft porn. Frequent comments were also made about my developing body as an adolescent such as "I've got bigger tits that you" or "wearing your padded bra today are we". That has affected my mental health more than the next door neighbour incident. I hate him for it and for how he (still) thinks he was the best dad ever. I suppose I don't see it so much as SA but more like misogynistic bullying iyswim? My dad very much treated my mum as the little woman who stayed at home and brought up children. He was the controller of the household as he brought home the bacon. Very uneven balance in the relationship and all i wanted to do is leave home and make sure I was never ever that weak woman that became trapped in a relationship because she relied on a man.
I genuinely don't know how to feel about it all now. I still have a relationship with my parents albeit not a close one.
I now have two stepchildren and I am very very wary of the older boy who's now hitting puberty. I don't trust him as far as I could throw him around his little sister. There's already been a couple of incidents that have been quickly swept under the carpet not only by their mother but also the authorities that I reported it to. I watch him like a hawk and I make sure there is never an opportunity for anything to happen when in my care but I'm seriously concerned that boundaries will slip in the mothers house. I feel as though I'm waiting for that day when I turn around and tell everyone 'I told you so, I knew he'd do it but you all wouldn't believ me '

thepariscrimefiles · 15/02/2025 09:32

Sheepsheeps · 14/02/2025 20:31

This thread has shocked me to my very core.
I've taken two days to carefully read everyone's posts and I actually feel numb reading everyone's experiences.
As a little girl (I'm guessing around 5ish) i remember the next door neighbour (probably about 12 ish?) calling me and my friends over to the fence to show us him playing with himself then asking us to show him 'ours'. I remember being giggly and shy about it as at that age you don't understand sex or the implications or doing such things. I suppose I felt as though we were being naughty and rude! That never affected me mentally but I occasionally wonder what did that boy grow up to be. He moved away shortly after so it never happened again.
I was raised in the 80s when im guessing it was normal for you dad to have a page 3 calendar on full display in the kitchen for little children to see?? My mother use to buy him it every year so obviously condoned it and didn't see any harm in exposing her children to soft porn. Frequent comments were also made about my developing body as an adolescent such as "I've got bigger tits that you" or "wearing your padded bra today are we". That has affected my mental health more than the next door neighbour incident. I hate him for it and for how he (still) thinks he was the best dad ever. I suppose I don't see it so much as SA but more like misogynistic bullying iyswim? My dad very much treated my mum as the little woman who stayed at home and brought up children. He was the controller of the household as he brought home the bacon. Very uneven balance in the relationship and all i wanted to do is leave home and make sure I was never ever that weak woman that became trapped in a relationship because she relied on a man.
I genuinely don't know how to feel about it all now. I still have a relationship with my parents albeit not a close one.
I now have two stepchildren and I am very very wary of the older boy who's now hitting puberty. I don't trust him as far as I could throw him around his little sister. There's already been a couple of incidents that have been quickly swept under the carpet not only by their mother but also the authorities that I reported it to. I watch him like a hawk and I make sure there is never an opportunity for anything to happen when in my care but I'm seriously concerned that boundaries will slip in the mothers house. I feel as though I'm waiting for that day when I turn around and tell everyone 'I told you so, I knew he'd do it but you all wouldn't believ me '

Edited

Your dad sounds awful in some many ways, but your mum enabled and condoned that behaviour.

You say that:

'I was raised in the 80s when im guessing it was normal for you dad to have a page 3 calendar on full display in the kitchen for little children to see??'

That really wasn't normal at all, particularly your mum buying it for him every year and letting him display it where his children could see it. Your father's repulsive comments about his own daughter sexualised you from an early age. If you only have a relationship with your parents out of duty, you don't need to do this. You can pull back and either stop seeing them or see much less of them than you do at the moment.

Zippidydoodah · 15/02/2025 09:49

Sheepsheeps · 14/02/2025 20:31

This thread has shocked me to my very core.
I've taken two days to carefully read everyone's posts and I actually feel numb reading everyone's experiences.
As a little girl (I'm guessing around 5ish) i remember the next door neighbour (probably about 12 ish?) calling me and my friends over to the fence to show us him playing with himself then asking us to show him 'ours'. I remember being giggly and shy about it as at that age you don't understand sex or the implications or doing such things. I suppose I felt as though we were being naughty and rude! That never affected me mentally but I occasionally wonder what did that boy grow up to be. He moved away shortly after so it never happened again.
I was raised in the 80s when im guessing it was normal for you dad to have a page 3 calendar on full display in the kitchen for little children to see?? My mother use to buy him it every year so obviously condoned it and didn't see any harm in exposing her children to soft porn. Frequent comments were also made about my developing body as an adolescent such as "I've got bigger tits that you" or "wearing your padded bra today are we". That has affected my mental health more than the next door neighbour incident. I hate him for it and for how he (still) thinks he was the best dad ever. I suppose I don't see it so much as SA but more like misogynistic bullying iyswim? My dad very much treated my mum as the little woman who stayed at home and brought up children. He was the controller of the household as he brought home the bacon. Very uneven balance in the relationship and all i wanted to do is leave home and make sure I was never ever that weak woman that became trapped in a relationship because she relied on a man.
I genuinely don't know how to feel about it all now. I still have a relationship with my parents albeit not a close one.
I now have two stepchildren and I am very very wary of the older boy who's now hitting puberty. I don't trust him as far as I could throw him around his little sister. There's already been a couple of incidents that have been quickly swept under the carpet not only by their mother but also the authorities that I reported it to. I watch him like a hawk and I make sure there is never an opportunity for anything to happen when in my care but I'm seriously concerned that boundaries will slip in the mothers house. I feel as though I'm waiting for that day when I turn around and tell everyone 'I told you so, I knew he'd do it but you all wouldn't believ me '

Edited

What has your stepson done to his little sister that you’ve reported to authorities? 😮 Sounds like it hasn’t been taken seriously?

DolliDimples · 15/02/2025 14:03

I would have the conversation with both children about boundaries - he (as with all of our sons) also needs to know that any transgression can come back to him decades down the line as has been outlined on this thread with the 11 year old boy.

Wholepeppercorn · 17/02/2025 10:55

Hwi · 07/02/2025 08:06

Bravo, bravo, bravo! In the past, when there was no social support, women could not work and earn, widows simply had to re-marry for economic reasons, i,e, not to die of hunger, but nowadays there is no justification for brining non-related males into a home with children. And all that nonsense they spout - 'children adapt easily', 'my husband does not differentiate between my child and our joint child', is just nonsense.

Show quote history

But YOU @Hwi say on another thread that but my husband who does treat my eldest as his own said that my youngest will be allowed to go if asked. He wants her to have a relationship with his family.

Hwi · 17/02/2025 11:37

Wholepeppercorn · 17/02/2025 10:55

But YOU @Hwi say on another thread that but my husband who does treat my eldest as his own said that my youngest will be allowed to go if asked. He wants her to have a relationship with his family.

Show quote history

Not my post, sorry, you are mistaken.

Wholepeppercorn · 17/02/2025 11:38

Hwi · 17/02/2025 11:37

Not my post, sorry, you are mistaken.

Show quote history

That is your post
I can post a photo if you wish?

Hwi · 17/02/2025 15:33

Wholepeppercorn · 17/02/2025 11:38

That is your post
I can post a photo if you wish?

Show quote history

My family is not blended, nobody treats anyone 'as his own', whoever said
But YOU * say on another thread that but my husband who does treat my eldest as his own said that my youngest will be allowed to go if asked. He wants her to have a relationship with his family. *

Misquoted me.

Errors · 18/02/2025 09:27

ContactNightmare · 08/02/2025 12:24

The giveaway is that the children do not like it.

It's not about what is normal.

Children can be persuaded easily by a motivated adult that something is normal. But really when it comes to privacy and your body, post puberty, it is a warning.

Unfortunately exhibitionists, child abusers and those with personality disorders like to do exactly this. Boundary breaking is a strong warning.

Being a hippie does not exclude you from any of the above, though it may be useful cover

I agree with this. I don’t think nudity in of itself is an issue in families as long as, and this is a key point, EVERYONE in the household is comfortable with it.

I am a single mother to a 7 year old boy. Won’t let a man in to his life etc. he has a great dad who takes equal responsibility for him. In the past year or so I have found myself naturally not wanting to get changed in front of him. The first time I helped him to have a shower (he was always exclusively bathed before) I thought about getting in with him but it just didn’t feel like the right thing to do. As in I was uncomfortable with it so I found a way to help him without doing so. As soon as I notice that he wants to start being more private I will respect that.

I am desperately sad to hear the stories on this thread. It makes me wonder if it’s actually more common to go through this than not go through it. I’m fortunate that, other than the odd bum pinch by strange men in bars or a couple of other ‘close calls’ that I have never experienced it. It also makes me even more determined to stand up for women who don’t want men in their spaces. After reading all of these stories, you can really see why it makes so many women uncomfortable

Surf2Live · 19/02/2025 09:18

DolliDimples · 15/02/2025 14:03

I would have the conversation with both children about boundaries - he (as with all of our sons) also needs to know that any transgression can come back to him decades down the line as has been outlined on this thread with the 11 year old boy.

I'd also be having the conversation with boys about their boundaries being respected. Their consent is also important. Our boys can also be targets for predators.