Dad hanging round outside bathroom *MNHQ Content warning for abuse*

[Househunter2025]

I was reading a thread that just got deleted and it's really made me think.

When I was a teenager my dad used to hang around outside the bathroom and my bedroom - I always found it really creepy but nothing else ever happened so I didn't really think it was abusive behaviour - but I always found it really creepy and couldn't stand being near him or alone with him. Never mentioned it to anyone before.

In my 40s now and it still bothers me. I'm hyper aware of my kids dad or other males on the family doing anything to them and it feels beyond all proportion. I don't think other parents have this fear.

A couple of posters on the other thread said they had experienced similar and I was about to reply but then it was deleted.

Don't know what I want from this thread really. I wouldn't mention anything to family - parents are elderly. I don't have sisters. Just want to come to terms with it and put it in perspective I guess.

It's massively common.

The amount of these is terrible

Hugs to you all who have suffered

Men are fucking shits, they really are

My step brother used to try and spy on me when I was in the shower, or a accidentally walk into my room when I was getting dressed

I refuse to let men near my kids, I have now lived on my own for 9 years and have a baby with my partner of 7 years. I refuse to live with him, he's never even stayed over at my house. We stay at his twice a week.

I have will never allow my teenage daughters to go through what I went through, I'm not saying my dp is like that but I'll never risk it. Men just are not allowed into our home.

Wish you all the best in securing a conviction. So hard to do but praying

OP I'm sorry you went through this. I went through similar. My stepfather removed my bedroom door 'as a punishment' and I caught him watching me changing through a crack in the bathroom door across the hall. I told my mother and she did nothing. I also found dozens of photos of me dressed up on the way to school dances and things on the family digital camera - I remember him wanting to take pictures but he was awful and abusive the rest of the time, and seeing these hundreds of pictures together made it obvious that it wasn't just to be nice.

It didn't start and end with that but in terms of this experience, I can relate. I still don't remember a lot of my childhood. Apparently there was a week my mother left me at home with him alone, aged 15, and I have no memory of this happening at all.

We believe you. I told my dad about my grandad and he started shouting. It has ruined our relationship forever.

I had a cousin (on my dad's side of the family) around the same age as me, she was an only child and I was forced to go to her house most Fridays after school. Her dad always always made me feel uncomfortable and I hated going to their house without my parents. Most women in the family said he was creepy and my maternal aunts said when my mum first got married he somehow wound up with one of their knickers and came to give it to them, walked in on one of them changing... With me, he would usually feel my bra strap up when we would greet each other or kiss me on the cheek, brushing my lips. As a teenager I would tell my mum and paternal aunts these things nd they'd say how he wasn't a very nice man and to stay away from him... The fact that even after knowing that my mum would allow me to go to theirs alone really upsets me and I feel sorry for my younger self. I can't reconcile why/how she allowed it. My memory of times with them is patchy at best (which I find strange... Do most people not really remember what life at 16/17 was like? Or maybe life was so mundane, there isn't much for me to remember) and I really hope I am not repressing anything.

There's been a few debates on mn about whether men should work in nurseries, and usually posters pile in to say that it's completely unreasonable to have concerns about this. However, after reading this thread, I'm not so sure...

@MidnightMeltdown Those posters tend to be chatbot responses, same as all the ones insisting they loved having a male midwife

I'm sorry to hear all of these stories.

It took the #metoo thing for me to finally decide that no I wasn't going to hug and kiss creepy older men hello/goodbye anymore. I've had enough of being held too long or kissed too close to my lips or felt in the wrong place. I just stick my hand out for a handshake now, I don't care if it looks rude.

I hate it when friends make their little sons/daughters hug everyone goodbye when they clearly don't want to. We're still teaching children that what adults want is more important than their own comfort.

I hate it when friends make their little sons/daughters hug everyone goodbye when they clearly don't want to.

I make a big point of telling kids that they don't have to hug me if they don't want to, because if they are taught not to say "no" to Aunty Ouroboros then they won't know to say "no" to Paedo McPaedoface.

I think there were some very vigilant parents even back in the 70s. I remember saying how much I disliked staying at my uncle's. My father started asking some very specific questions about what I disliked. I could tell what he was getting at right away but there was nothing inappropriate of that sort. He was my dad's brother so my father didn't give blood relatives a free pass.

I can't understand mothers not doing something. My mother would have tied their testicles in a bow knot if she had caught somebody doing something. She had been molested as child by some priest. She was very old when she told me about it and said she'd never told anybody as she thought, probably rightly, that nobody would take the word of a small child over a priest. She found it particularly galling to have to go to confession and confess her "sins" to scum in clerical collars.

I’m sorry and sad to read these. I was extremely lucky that my stepdad (who we lived with from when I was about 10) was, and is, a wonderful man.

💐

It happened to my friends and her sister; step father too. Their mum put him first; the sort of woman that can’t live alone.

My mum never let a man into her life when she separated from our dad as she was worried something like this could happen.

This thread is so depressing. And it makes me angry. Thankfully nothing happened to me in my home, but as a teen I experienced the normal (WTaF???) random brushes and gropes of strangers/colleagues/acquaintances who thought they’d get away with it. And did. I had internalised shame and never told anyone. Even when I knew others experiencing same thing, ie age 16/17 I waitressed and one of the chefs regularly roughly groped me and other waitresses and we all tried to avoid him. It was a joke amongst the other chefs. Why weren’t we doing anything about it??? How do I teach my girls not to stand for this? Is it just about educating them early doors that some men are predators, this is not ok and to call them out / tell others.

But it was OPs biological father here.

I remember my parents having a big party, me and the other kids there got muddy playing in the local park. We were made to get in the bath and loads of the adults there came in to look at us in the bath. I also remember them watching the baby getting its nappy changed. This was in the 80s and they seemed to treat it as normal and acceptable under the guise of “ah look, bless them” 🤢

I’ve also lived my entire life with them bursting into my bedroom and not allowing me to lock the door when in the shower or bath “in case we need in”. I only started to feel relatively safe getting changed in my bedroom when going back visiting when my husband was with me, as they wouldn’t barge in on him.

Another time I was taken into a bedroom by the older teenage son of a family friend, he told me to close my eyes and then gave me a “snake” to hold and pet.

MIL is terrible about forcing kids to kiss/hug family and of course I intervene.

I fiercely protect boundaries for my kids. Didn’t hesitate to cut out a pervert uncle from our lives as soon as I knew about him, but it took a call from SS for me to find out because other family members (not my side of the family) covered up for him. Vile. 😔

Yes my dad's like this too.

He often creeps me out. I'm 30, and from when I was maybe 11 or so he'd come into the bathroom when i was in the bath. Use the water to wash his hands. We wernt allowed to lock the door and hed walk in often. Even recently as an adult I stayed at my parents house and he was in the guest room when I came in in my towel after a shower. Apologised and pretended it was a mistake but he was clearly not doing anything in thrre other than waiting around. Sometimes when he hugs me his hand will brush my bum, particularly once when my dog died and we were at the vets I was maybe 26 or something. That was such a traumatic event for me and he made it so much worse I'm actually not sure how I got through it all without therapy, though I did look into it after that. This kind of stuff was definitely more as I got older rather than a young child but he did do inappropriate stuff then too like watch porn on his laptop in public areas of the house anyone could walk in on or find on the family computer.

I have a daughter now and I am petrified of him around her, he nor my mum will ever be babysitting. She's only a week old right now but it's something that really turns my stomach.

I do not find it possible to discuss this with anyone sadly. Couldn't even tell my partner of many years about the groping, he just thought I took the death of my dog particularly hard.

I had it happen to me as a child too, "stepfather" spying on me in the bathroom as well as opening his legs to expose himself to me when wearing just a dressing gown. I didn't tell my mum, but I did tell someone else who confronted him. She kicked me out because of it when I was 17 years old. I haven't reported him but thinking maybe I will.

A close friend of mine suffered a lot of abuse from her father. Another one had her father masturbate infront of her. Neither reported their abuse.

I did recently report a different man who was sexually inappropriate with me at when I was a child because he made himself present in my life again, after all this time, in a very uncomfortable and threatening way. I didn't make an official complaint but I did ask that the police make note of it should anything else happen and they have said if anyone else comes forward they will contact me. They're also making a report to social services as he has children.

If I were to report every incident to the police then there would be at least 6 men off the top of my head. Only one of them was when I was over the age of 16. I am considering doing so, imagine if all of us on this thread and beyond came forward? I know not every one of them would be convicted of something but it does make me wonder if it would be enough for people to start opening their eyes as to how frequent this is. Statistics are shockingly high but I fear it doesn't even come close to half of what goes on.

when I was maybe 11 or so he'd come into the bathroom when i was in the bath. Use the water to wash his hands.

This kind of thing is so disgusting. It's how premeditated it is, doing something that you can later claim to be innocent if anyone finds out. What is wrong with these men.

Thank you.

I’m on the fence as it will drag up so much. It will also ripple across the whole extended family too and my grandfather is elderly.

I’m also happy in life as are my siblings and I don’t think we can go through it again. I’ve done my police interview but it’s so long ago that evidence will be a challenge. The sneaky bastard only did it when everyone was out.

I’m tempted to let the police start the door knocking and interview him under caution just to let him and her know that he was an animal and a pervert.

my sister has a letter from my mother that reveals quite a lot but from my stepfathers warped perspective, this was 15 years ago. But the fact that she has admitted he touched me is quite concrete.

I was abused by my brother, he's five years older than me, i think i was about 7/8/9 ish, he used to let me listen to his new walkman radio as a reward,
He used to lie on top of me and say “ lets touch we wees ( our name for private parts)
I did send him a message once and ask him how old he was when he got his walkman for Christmas . I was trying to let him know i remembered

I used to hate it, i think he tried to penetrate me but not sure if he did or not, ive blocked it out, he also used to hide in the bathroom airing cupboard when i was bathing
There were 4 of us, me the only girl and the youngest,

One thing im angry about is that we at one point shared a bedroom ,
I asked my mum why, she didn't seem to know
We had a 6 bedroom house and 3 brothers so a strange decision of hers.

One thing im also wondering too,my parents were very religious and spent their lives helping the less fortunate, this included buying a big house they they could offer shelter to people in need, mainly random men

Now i don't remember any women , but i do remember several men who moved in that my parents did not know that well
One man was a very odd mathematician who has schitzophrenia who lived with us for about 15 years

I do wonder if one of them abused my brother because i was always told that people who abuse have usually been abused themselves

I asked her recently about these people being brought into her house how it was insane looking back and she said she never considered abuse as nobody was aware of it. I was born 1973

My brother who abused me was adopted like me , the other two were there biological children , DB was always a troubled nightmare child, and my dad used to beat him a lot , we all got smacked for misbehaving.

I will; never tell my mum , but i really want too , i want to tell my other brothers too , but i think i will wait till mum is no longer here, she is 86 now,

She has always seen the good in everyone, she struggles to believe bad things about people, She spent her life volunteering and putting everyone else first, she s incredible, however the older i get, i can see that she prioritised everyone else over her kids.
she has refugees living with her now, and still helps in the food bank , i cant spoil her last few years

Db is coming back next month and ive told her i will not come.
She thinks im harsh

I really want to confront him about it all , but dont know how

Ive never told anyone all the details. Its good to get it off my chest
Love to all of you going through the same

Thankfully my dad never did anything like this, the only thing he was guilty of was favouritism towards my brother, which he still is now even though my brother don’t give a shit about him. If dd12 ever comes to me and tells me DP (her father) did anything he’d be out this house faster than he can say he didn’t. They have a close relationship (even if they fight like cat and dog) and even though DP has given me no indication of such a thing I do look out for signs b3cause of the stories I’ve heard from friends that have been victims and stories like this.

It's also shocking how many women think of themselves first.
I know a woman ( closely) whose dh was sent to prison for csa. Within 6 months the woman had another man and took her dc on holiday with him.
She swiftly allowed him to move in and whilst afaik he's a good man this woman knows full well that her 12 year old dd is wedging her bedroom door shut at night.

I have lost all respect for this woman.
I felt so sorry for what she went through with her dh but she's proved to be imo a selfish and entitled woman.
A good mother would have kept her bf well away from her dc in these circumstances.

I didn’t see that update before it was taken down - maybe a good reason for leaving the thread up. So people know an outcome.