Dad hanging round outside bathroom *MNHQ Content warning for abuse*

[Househunter2025]

I was reading a thread that just got deleted and it's really made me think.

When I was a teenager my dad used to hang around outside the bathroom and my bedroom - I always found it really creepy but nothing else ever happened so I didn't really think it was abusive behaviour - but I always found it really creepy and couldn't stand being near him or alone with him. Never mentioned it to anyone before.

In my 40s now and it still bothers me. I'm hyper aware of my kids dad or other males on the family doing anything to them and it feels beyond all proportion. I don't think other parents have this fear.

A couple of posters on the other thread said they had experienced similar and I was about to reply but then it was deleted.

Don't know what I want from this thread really. I wouldn't mention anything to family - parents are elderly. I don't have sisters. Just want to come to terms with it and put it in perspective I guess.

I wasn't abused in my home thankfully but in my Saturday job in the 1980s as a teenager. Always fully clothed which I suppose is a mercy, but several married men with children felt me up. My employer who was a far-out relative groomed me (which I didn't fall for, in fairness) but took me out for dinner one night (I have no idea why I agreed; it was the most boring night of my life!) and tried to kiss me. I told my parents but they felt that I would get blamed for leading him on, which I probably would have. He was a 'pillar of the community', a well-known local 'dignitary'.

I wish I'd had the confidence to knee all the fuckers in the balls as they deserved, but I was 16/17 and wouldn't have dared.

I’m really sorry to hear these experiences. I don’t have specific experience with family members, but have experienced quite overt sexual abuse at public pools and nightclubs that I was ashamed of at the time.

Just wanted to say to anyone wondering if you have an overactive imagination - you don’t. What you are feeling is your primal survival instinct warning you about dangerous people, even if you can’t pinpoint a behaviour or it’s just a feeling. I’ve had a few intense feelings about certain men that I listened to - I will never know if they would have done anything but the potential consequences were too high to risk it.

And I think kids also have this strong survival instinct too. If a kid just really doesn’t like an adult, listen to them. So much harm has been done because we as a society haven’t listened to or believed children.

My heart goes out to all who have suffered xx

Gosh this thread is scary & sad.

I’m shocked this didn’t happen to me & o often thank my lucky stars it didn’t. My mum was an alcoholic & had many men coming & going. They could’ve done anything to me.

Absolutely no way I would ever move a man into my home while my DD is here.

I can’t believe how common this is and how many of us wrote about this kind of behaviour in the last 2.5 hours

Maternal grandad for me, My mother was also well aware!!

Can I just ask for all of us who had these experiences did therapy ever work for you? Therapy has never worked for me, in fact everytime I’ve tried it I come out worse than I felt going in. I’ve stuck at it on and off for over 20 years but I feel it’s been a waste.

My stepdad drilled a hole in the bathroom door, allegedly so he could look to check I was not having a bath (I wasn't allowed to use the hot water, because it was expensive).

He also used to try to take photos of my best friend when we were getting changed.

My dad just used to walk around naked all the time and hit us.

Fucking 80s and fucking 90s. Fucking men. Both middle class, educated professionals.

Then at university (Oxbridge) the tutors used to touch up female students. Vile.

My brothers all grew up very decent, though.

This is similar to my own experiences growing up (no porn mags tho) my dad was a too tight hugger, a tickler, overly affectionate and then swiftly changing to very cold to the point of ceasing to speak to me on and off for over a year but lurking outside my bedroom and the bathroom. I was also abused by my brother. It did damage me, I have a very nebulous sense of self and can be very harsh on myself. I have CPSD due to these and other traumatic life events. My heart goes out to everyone who has suffered

@JadedVeryJaded this! I follow a 'mumfluencer' she's got about 100k followers (I think) suddenly became a single mum and was all about how we're heroes and we don't need men! All of a sudden got a boyfriend in October they're in love and he's around her house all the time with the kid. I'm sure he 100% fine but it sets such a shit low standard. Realistically a lot of women sadly put their need for male attention ahead of the needs and safety of their children

I think I find it too shameful, shaming? to talk about in therapy, whereas an anonymous forum like this, or any group where we're all sharing experiences, feels more validating and cathartic.

Yep same here. Seemed normal for any girl born early 70’s to be treated like this. If my brother and I stayed over at our maternal grandparents my brother would try to force himself on me, despite separate rooms.
My father too would touch me inappropriately. In school hols my father would visit his mother in the country for a few days and take me with him. Two bed cottage so I’d have to sleep in the same bed as my father. He would make me touch him. Disgusting thinking back. I’m mid 50’s now and every time I see my father now I look at him as if to say I know what you did to me back then. I recently had cancer and the day before my mastectomy when I went to see my mum and him, I caught him just staring at my chest. Brought it all back.

I was regularly ''touched up'' by my father when I was a young child.Trouble was I was too young to realise what he was doing was wrong.

It's a common behaviour in men and plenty of women ignore it.

If you grew up without it, lucky you. The number of pervert fathers and weak mothers is staggering. It gets passed down as a trauma until the victim gets help or insight to stop with their own family.

Walking around naked, bursting into bedrooms, demanding access to bathrooms, accident touching, remarks on clothes and a changing body, all an environment that creates fear in young women.

There is a lot of bravery in this thread for confronting these behaviours.

Sadly I think it was taken down because the OP has no intention of facing up to her ‘D’H sexually abusing her daughter.

I’m sorry you went through that x

it has helped me to an extent, but only temporarily, the thing I want is impossible, to go back in time and for it never to happen, for my home to be safe and for me to be unconditionally loved. What does help is that I have a sister who went through similar stuff and we utterly believe and support each other. I am sadly aware that in many families that this is often not the case. I also feel pathetic that I cannot "get over" it which is crazy as I would never expect that of anyone else.

Older brother for me, also in the early ‘70s when I was about 4 or 5. Never told anyone about it - until now. So sad how many people here have experienced the same thing.
Have just spent several hours comforting dd after her split (escape from) narc boyfriend. Think I am just done with men. So depressing really
❤️❤️ to you all.

That's like a horror film..You poor thing. What a trauma to endure.

Those of you who have had this happen, have any of you reported it to the police? I would do it but I’m not sure what would be done without proof of an offence. It would be my word against his.

Never had therapy. Wish I could face it. Never written it down til tonight. My partner, an incredible man, sometimes asks me about my relationship with my father as he picks up on things, the vibe, but I brush his concerns under the carpet. I never see my brother. I only tolerate seeing my father because I have a relationship with my mother. She’s coercively controlled by my father, he does anything to stop us being alone together. Afraid of what I might say maybe?

She was probably a previous victim of his.

I think, If at all possible, and without enduring further trauma victims of sexual abuse, whether from biological or step dads needs to be reported to the Police. There may have been other, historic accusations and may help build a picture. These people should never be allowed to get away with it. This also requires a competent police service and justice system.

@JadedVeryJaded 🙌🏻 absolutely.
I work with a woman who unfortunately doesn’t believe in these dangers nor is she interested in hearing about them. I’ve known her 5 years and she’s had 4 boyfriends that she’s told me about in that time. Sleepovers at her home within a week or 2 with her DC in the house. She went on a date from OL dating site once and came in telling me how great he was the following week because they’d had a Friday lunch date and were enjoying the conversation so he went with her to her child’s school to pick up her DC 😳😳🤯

Stepdad for me. I don't remember touching but I have a sinking feeling of something that I can't put my finger on. He used to make overtly sexual comments about my body, show me pornography and when I had been 'naughty' he would show me porn and scream at me that I was a virgin (13 years old at the time). He used to watch incredibly sexual films and ask me what I thought about the scene and if I could do it.
Him and his mates had a running joke about 'when I became legal' and would talk about how much of their bits they could fit into my mouth.
My mum knew and used to laugh it off.
Had therapy, I'm less angry but I don't ever trust anyone.

My best friend and another close friend were abused by their brothers when prepubescent/early teens. It is astonishing to me how the greater family know it happened and years and years later can't understand why their sisters don't want to be in the same room/same wedding/same party as their abusers. It is almost like it is "well this happens right? It isn't that bad? can't you go along just for the day" Absolute minimisation of the affect this has - the abuse this is.

I was fingered age 4 by a friend of my parents. He was never alone in a room with me. He did it while my parents sat there. Luckily I said it to my older sister and she said "yeah never stand close to him" so I didn't. Neither of us ever spoke of it later in life and never said it to our parents.

My dad and my husband are two of the people I admire and love most in the world. But men - as a class - are dangerous to women. Even men related to you. And certainly men not related to you

So sorry for all the stories on this thread.