Dad hanging round outside bathroom *MNHQ Content warning for abuse*

[Househunter2025]

I was reading a thread that just got deleted and it's really made me think.

When I was a teenager my dad used to hang around outside the bathroom and my bedroom - I always found it really creepy but nothing else ever happened so I didn't really think it was abusive behaviour - but I always found it really creepy and couldn't stand being near him or alone with him. Never mentioned it to anyone before.

In my 40s now and it still bothers me. I'm hyper aware of my kids dad or other males on the family doing anything to them and it feels beyond all proportion. I don't think other parents have this fear.

A couple of posters on the other thread said they had experienced similar and I was about to reply but then it was deleted.

Don't know what I want from this thread really. I wouldn't mention anything to family - parents are elderly. I don't have sisters. Just want to come to terms with it and put it in perspective I guess.

I’ve not read all of the responses but I can’t imagine allowing my partner to ever remove/not allow a lock on the door.

I would tell him that my DD (and myself) can spend as much time in the bathroom as we want and we have the right to privacy.

I can’t imagine these women were so naive, unless because it had never happened to them then they were naive about it.

I wonder if they knew what was going on but allowed it out of fear or because they thought it was normal.

Im guessing you'd be one of the mums who would brush abuse under the carpet, you are disgusting for trying to gaslight the op.

I would report this 💔

It is never too late.

You may not get the result you want but you may regret not doing it if you leave it too late.

@Liveandletlive18 You don't get to tell the OP what was and wasn't abuse. This is her lived experience. How fucking dare anyone minimise it.

I hope he's dead now burning in hell

this thread has really helped me feel less alone and more accepting of the way I feel about the things that have happened to me. I always repressed/played it down, even used to tell myself "well my dad wasn't like Fred West so it is nothing to get upset about" and this is part of abuse isn't it?, the way even victims can minimise it because this is what wider society often does. I only recently told a good friend, we have know each other for decades. She did that really healing thing of just listening in silence, and then said she had always sensed that I was troubled on a deep level and thanked me for trusting her with my story. She is a wonderful friend!

@WeAreOnTheRoadToNowhere

Agree. I don't think that men should be working in nurseries or providing personal care to woman.

I know that there would be a huge backlash from people saying that you can't tar all men with the same brush, but these are the same sort of people who would think that it's ok to an XL Bully when you've got young children - because this one's 'friendly'.

How about let's not wait to see if mauls your child to death in order to test that theory. Some risks just aren't worth taking.

A friend’s dad always used to go on to us every time I stayed over about how wearing knickers in bed is dirty. Many other friends who stayed over reported the same thing. Always wondered what the f that was about and thought it was creepy at the time (as an 8/9 year old). Hope they were ok.

Sorry you had that experience OP, sounds really unsettling.

There was absolutely no chance I was smoking or doing drugs during my evening bath, no. I was a very boring teenager - well behaved and hard working.

My excuse at the time for him was that he was looking at books on the landing bookcase - seems unlikely though really.

I don't know it was abuse but there was just a constant creepy feeling of being watched.

I was on the other thread.
The op has made a comment about a financial matter and was advised to take it down. It could have been used against her in a divorce.

I was abused by my half brother. I told my older sister, she called me a liar. I'm NC with her. I never told my mum or dad. I've kept my DD away from him. I'd do the same with any female child. Sometimes I wonder if I imagined it.
I've only ever told my closest friend. She wouldn't trust him either and she has a lot of experience of crooks and perverts.
However plenty of friends have told me their stories. It's fucked up their lives. My DD tells me of her friend's experiences, I've taken those kids in.

This thread is horrific. I am so sorry this happened to all of you.

There is history of abuse in my family. The father was abusing his daughter and got her pregnant. The mother brought the child up as her own. I mean, what the fuck?

All the older children moved away pretty swiftly as soon as they could so i'm pretty sure that daughter wasn't the only one who got abused.

Absolutely heartbreaking.

So every step family / blended family means the mother is a bad mother

You are correct however women should not be silenced. If a man is reading this and is getting turned on by stories of childhood abuse then let it be the revelation they need that they are disgusting and let them live with that.

I’m not a fan of blended families. Some work, the majority sideline the happiness of the children for the happiness of the adults.

I just don't think you can say a woman is a bad mother for marrying another man and allowing that man into her child's life. My dad died when I was very young and the man who raised me (my step father) was absolutely amazing, as was my mother. Ironically, I was SA'd by my own UNCLE. Biological men can be even worse.

Blended families are a greater statistical risk for sexual abuse of children or the death of a child. The step parent can be a mother or father, but it's more dangerous for a child to live with an unrelated adult.

I do think it rather unfair to go on about step relatives- some of whom are fabulous -- a great many cases involve blood relatives- - and friends of parents- you can't tar all non blood relatives with the same brush -

My god this thread is shocking. I never dreamed it was so common for biological relatives to grope and abuse women. The number of posts about biological brothers and fathers has staggered me. I knew sexual abuse was common, and I knew it was under-reported (to put it mildly). I have known at least five women who were sexually abused but never told anyone, so God knows what the real figure must be. I should think one in three women experience some form of sexual assault before adulthood. But if abuse by strangers is under-reported, imagine how under-reported abuse by biological fathers and brothers must be!! I should think that for every one convicted there must be 30 or 40 who take their secret to the grave.

I am sitting here having dark thoughts about grandfathers and uncles and other relatives. I never experienced such a thing myself, but I'm now wondering whether men I've respected and loved did dark and shameful things.

God I hate men.

Have you read the thread? Can you please ask yourself WHY, when so many of us are reporting stuff like this, you would try so hard to find another reason for the father's behaviour?

It's people like you who make things doubly awful for people who experienced SA or predatory adults as children by basically accusing them of making it up.

Shame on you.

I know I was being watched because once during a terrible argument my father told me to 'go upstairs and play with yourself like you usually do'.

Actually, I don't know for sure I was being watched. He might have just been fantasising about it I guess.

Is that any better @Liveandletlive18 ?

2 of my Uncles were fucking creeps that couldn't keep their hands to themselves. I can't even have DH reach for me without flinching. I hate them both.

Same here, was the uncles in my family.

This is horrific. My dad was absolutely lovely. I miss him.
but growing up n the 70s it was so accepted. Perv in the village shop
just accepted

I knew a girl who was abused by her stepbrother. She later became very promiscuous (going to sex parties, that kind of thing). It always seemed very odd to me. Then one day she told me about the abuse and added "I've often wondered if that's why I'm like I am and why I can't settle and be with one man and have a family." Years later, I read that children who are abused and have been 'sexualised' (I think that's the word they use) often become promiscuous and even reckless in later life. Sad thing was I never felt my friend really enjoyed all that promiscuity. I think she'd rather have had a loving relationship and a family of her own. Yet another life ruined. The boy who did it moved abroad, married and posts photos of his happy, loving family smiling in the sun. It enrages me the way these bastards get away with it. This is why I always think women should expose them. Even if there is no chance of prosecution, the men should be forced to admit what they did and not trivialize it.