Dad hanging round outside bathroom *MNHQ Content warning for abuse*

[Househunter2025]

I was reading a thread that just got deleted and it's really made me think.

When I was a teenager my dad used to hang around outside the bathroom and my bedroom - I always found it really creepy but nothing else ever happened so I didn't really think it was abusive behaviour - but I always found it really creepy and couldn't stand being near him or alone with him. Never mentioned it to anyone before.

In my 40s now and it still bothers me. I'm hyper aware of my kids dad or other males on the family doing anything to them and it feels beyond all proportion. I don't think other parents have this fear.

A couple of posters on the other thread said they had experienced similar and I was about to reply but then it was deleted.

Don't know what I want from this thread really. I wouldn't mention anything to family - parents are elderly. I don't have sisters. Just want to come to terms with it and put it in perspective I guess.

I've read these stories and am shocked and saddened. I can't comprehend how these men can do these things to children. Let alone to their own kids. However, it does show how prevalent this type of behaviour was.

I always joke with my wife that there are 'pedos everywhere' and only let my children spend time with people we implicitly trust. I know I'm paranoid but I'd rather upset someone's feeling that put my children at risk.

For the women that have been abused, I'm sorry for all you went through and hope you're in a better place now. I also echo other posters comment about the bravery of takes to open up and share you experiences. ❤

I'm not saying we should be silenced. This needs to be talked about but it's just something to consider when deciding how detailed to be on a public forum.

The detail is important as it joins the dots for others who are unsettled/confused and feeling isolated/alienated and other minimising behaviours. We need clarity, a vocabulary and specifics to protect and educate the next generation. We cant leave things ambiguous.

Sunlight is the best disinfectant.

My mum had 4 little girls to 3 different men. My step dad targeted her and she moved him in despite previous abuse allegations from his previous step daughter.

When she died social services left us, by then 5 young children with him, I remember them bringing a doll round and asking us where people were allowed to touch us and we had to show them on the doll.

They left us to be abused by that man, abused in every way possible.

I'm talking about details of the sexual abuse itself :(

Please don't misconstrue my intentions, it's not ro hold women back but protect them. I know directly how these men operate :(

“Go on about…” step relatives. Yes 🤦‍♀️ of course that’s what posters here are doing - “going on about” very painful experiences…sorry if it bores you…

If it’s boring or if you’re unable to understand that just because you had a positive experience of step or blended families then nobody else could have possibly had an awful abusive experience, I don’t think this is the thread for you.

Me too. By my brother who I think was around 10/11 at the time (I’m four years younger).
I am in my late 30s and had suppressed it all until recently where I kept thinking about it more and more and kept getting dark thoughts. I told my mum as I wanted her to to not pester me to meet up with him as I wanted to go no contact. She initially wanted me to sweep it under the carpet, keeps telling me I should forget about it and still keeps in touch with him as she doesn’t want the world to think they don’t get along. I was neglected as a child by my parents for this to happen (they left him to look after me while they went to work) but they now have a chance to make things right but still fail me. It just hurts so much.
My mum has asked him to apologise to me (only because I have had several arguments with her about how poorly she’s handling things) as she was hopeful we could reconcile but he has the audacity to try and have the upper hand by saying he’ll apologise but we will never talk how she wants us to. As if he was the one to decide to go no contract. I suffer from anxiety and depression but more recently I think I’m the sanest one out of my family.

These women are describing their personal experiences. I had a decent stepfather but I certainly wouldn't swagger onto a thread like this and tell people I thought they were "tarring everyone with the same brush".

I'm so sorry for everyone on this thread who has suffered.
I am I suppose lucky that my own father and older brothers never did anything untoward, and I loved and felt safe with them.

However when I was at uni, a then-boyfriend told me that he had exposed himself to and SAd his younger sisters. There was a big age gap as well, around seven and ten years respectively.

I still feel sick thinking about it. I feel guilty that I never told anyone, but his sisters seemed to adore him and I didn't know how to lob that particular grenade so I just ran away from the whole situation.

He came up as an fb friend recommendation, and I could see from his profile picture that he had two little children, one a girl. I hope they're okay, and I hope his sisters are okay now.

@Clematys123 would you mind if I PMd you?

@ChappRo happy for you to. But this is the first time it put this out there so please don’t take offence if I’m a bit closed about it.

I don't think these men ever grow out of these perversions.
I have a psychologist family member and they say they never do. They've studied enough cases.

I think men are getting worse. So many in the public eye think it's OK to use money to shut people up. When they are in high office they think they are untouchable.

I couldn't bring myself to watch certain strictly couples as it was uncomfortable viewing. If the dancers complain they don't get re booked. They're all self employed.
I'm not sure I will watch it again. I have a nose for perverts and nonces. The saving grace they don't get an easy time in prisons!

I think it’s very very common. I went to school with a girl whose dad raped her. I still see her on Facebook now posting happy Father’s Day to him and lots of big happy smiling family photos. I guess it gets repressed but it’s too painful.

It’s just incomprehensible that someone could do this (the parent I mean).

Nobody needs to know an outcome!

I agree! I absolutely hate this sense of entitlement. Mind boggling.

Mind boggling to want to read the updates. Absolutely 😂

I don't think it was accepted in years past. I think it was that a lot of people knew little to nothing would be done about it. That is still largely true.

Sending love to everyone sharing experiences on this thread. I hope it’s been cathartic ❤️

Mind boggling to think that the op somehow OWES you an update, is what I meant.

I don't know what's funny?

This is real people with real lives. They don't need some gossips salivating over their terrible situation.

Unfortunately he’s very much alive. I looked him up on Facebook once and he’s married to his 4/5th wife and works as a school bus driver so he still has access to young girls!!

I heard he, fortunately, only had sons and no daughters.

I also remember him coming into my room to get my dirty washing and I complained to my mum and he said it was his house and he could come in!!

Dirty washing. The man who never does his own but is keen to help at girls at puberty with their clothes. Transparent

I didn’t say anyone owed anyone an update. I just think threads should be left unless there are extenuating circumstances so posters can see the updates OPs choose to give.

I was abused by my biological dad. He used to make me watch porn films and regularly stuck his tongue in my mouth before declaring me a terrible kisser. He said I was lucky to have such a funny unshockable father. When I was 14 he bought me a vibrator and regularly encouraged me to use it. I remember being around 3 and bleeding down below and was told it was because I had fallen off the seesaw wrong. I still don't know what caused that.

When I told my mum age 20 she told me I was a drama queen and that I was just copying a girl at school who had been abused so badly by her father it was in the papers.

Luckily my brother is nothing like my dad and I am no contact with both parents now.