His bathroom was so disgusting, I can't believe he didn't clean it before either came round

[Disgustingbathroom]

I've been seeing this guy for a month, he seemed pretty sorted, good job, intelligent etc. BUT went round to his house last night for the first time and I was shocked at the state of his bathroom, he was off yesterday and knew I was coming round a few days in advance so he easily could have cleaned it. I don't want to go into detail as it's disgusting, but hair all over the floor, and the toilet was awful.
I feel a bit sick thinking about it and I didn't even want to go in there to use the toilet.
WTAF?
How could he go into his bathroom and think it was ok to let a potential date go into that, wasn't he embarrassed, obviously not!
He wants to meet again but it's kind of put me off and I definitely would dread using that bathroom again.
Would this put anyone else off?

When I was last dating, decades ago, the state of the man's home was one of my key criteria!

Don't know if it makes a difference but he's 45, would expect better from someone that age

This is such a funny thread because for once I have an anecdote that goes against my usual advice. Honestly, depending on his age I’d consider giving him a chance - there I said it!
Here’s the backstory from me. My BIL is one of the sweetest men you’ve ever met, very attentive, a bit of a worrier, musician and songwriter, all around gent. When he first started seeing his girlfriend he had her over to his student flat and he asked my husband afterwards if ‘this was ok’ and sent a picture of his loo. Honestly, it was not ok and he got a lot of stick for it and has since. It was crazy to me how he’d let it get that bad as he’s actually a clean freak and a little OCD - always has chapped hands as he washes them too much! 5 years on he and the girlfriend are going strong, living together, cooking dinner together, etc, etc and it’s all worked out for the best. depending on the rest of his ‘environment’ and how much you like him and enjoy spending time with him I’d be inclined to let it go for now but maybe educate him at some point so it’s not an issue if/when you move in together.

We had the loo replaced recently and I made sure it was sparkling inside and out for the benefit of the plumber who was about to rip it from the floor, I think a large hammer was involved in this process too

Did you see the kitchen?

I would be ready to dumb a guy if he makes a mess in my bathroom (always spotless!) or left the toilet seat open.
Disgusting toilet is a no go!
The lack of self awareness and the fact the person doesn't bother living in filth would not work in the long term

Why would he clean it if he’d let it get in that state in the first place. He’s obviously a pig of a man.

No one who has a filthy bathroom has a clean body or boxer shorts.

Well, if that's what he lives like when he's on his own, if you ever moved in together you absolutely know you'd be the one to do all the bathroom cleaning.

If he thought it was clean, then that's another and even bigger problem.

I wouldn't give him a chance to clean it. Setting yourself up in the role of Mummy or the clean police is no way to start a relationship - and never let a relationship develop into that either. If the norms of civilised life are not acknowledged and adhered to, move on.

I wouldn't tell him why there wouldn't be any more dates. It's not the job of women to fix men or assist in patching over their flaws so they can better appeal to the next woman.

I'd take it as a glimpse of your life together unless you did all the house work. I wouldn't be able to stomach a meal at his place either. Likely no hand hygiene. I'd wonder how often he changed his bed sheets. Everything. I'd pass because I'd be so grossed out.

You are not seeing a man. He is a child. NEXT!

Exactly this.

He's 45. This is what he is.

Ewwwwww. That would just put me off for good.

🤣🤣🤣

I once dated a guy and used the toilet while I was in his flat. The bathroom itself was reasonably clean, but the utter stench emanating from his towel just about knocked me sideways. Totally put me off having any physical contact with him.

I don’t think this is about personal hygiene - you can stay clean even with a revolting bathroom. This is about housework and preparedness to clean things that are nasty. I wouldn’t want to date someone who was shy about that and particularly not someone who thought it was acceptable to invite me over somewhere with a bathroom in that state. If it was just a casual relationship for fun and sex then it would be fine if we could use my place but there’d need to be some quid pro quo and if he didn’t recognise that he shouldn’t ahve invited me back to a place like that it seem unlikely to work. Anything more serious and I would not be interested in any kind of partner who needed to be “trained” to keep a bathroom in a decent state, even the need for a conversation about it would put me off them, it’s so basic.

The old bathrooms with mineral deposits I can accept, at least if the place is a rental or in the process of being slowly done up. But a bathroom that’s actually filthy with hair everywhere as OP describes is unacceptable.

I think if I'd used his bathroom before the meal I wouldn't be able to eat , but using it afterwards would make me throw up 😖

It’s a non-starter really. How could you live with someone that thinks this is acceptable. Can’t really go anywhere from here can you.
I once lived in a house share with the world’s grottiest person ever. It was only for 9 months and it drove me up the wall. I’d had difficult conversations with him about it, suggested a cleaner and everything, it would get slightly better for a day and then return to filth. His girlfriend came to stay and I thought that would improve things. Nope. She was even worse than him if that was even possible. The final thing to tip me over the edge was finding their used condom unwrapped in the top of the kitchen bin. I moved out soon after.
Don’t risk living a life like this.

Eww no way!

I think we know why this one's single then.

Out of interest, is he divorced? I wonder if his ex did all the cleaning before and now he is shopping for a new maid.

The fact he's 45 makes it even worse imo! At least if he was a 22 year old student you could hope he'll grow up one day...

I agree. Eww!

My first instinct was to tell him exactly why you are out. But maybe don't, then it can warn off the next woman early too.

How revolting. I guess if he lived in a flat share with five other blokes he could claim it was someone else's doing. But he lives alone!
I'd be saying sayonara.
If you really do like him a lot, be honest and say your bathroom is gross and I won't come round again until it's clean. That way you're kind of giving him a second chance. But this would only be if he was stunning in every other way imaginable.

I can only assume you are the poor cow dating my ExH. I left the house (he wouldn't leave) a beautiful cottage .. it's now a derelict place and the bathroom is just as you described 😂 he was indeed a fucking vile pig, not to mention a lying cheater. Good business, fantastic cook but absolutely nothing else going for him! You're welcome.

No, no, no.

If the relationship progresses to living together and he can't keep a clean house on his own, you'll end up either descending to his level or doing it all yourself.

Having been married to 2 men who had different hygiene standards to my own there's no way I'd go down that route again.

I'd also worry about his personal hygiene. How can you clean yourself in a dirty bathroom? Yes, the kitchen might look clean, but has he washed his hands before cooking dinner etc? I wouldn't want to eat a dinner prepared by someone like that.

It's not being fussy, it's a fundamental difference in values.

It's only a month in, so you are presumably still quite casual. Ditch and move on.

@Nodlikeyouwerelistening "The final thing to tip me over the edge was finding their used condom unwrapped in the top of the kitchen bin."

Baarrfffff !!! 😷

That is gross, just gross.

Still like attracts like, as they say...