Newish relationship and drug use

[Atlas2022]

In a new relationship after a long volatile marriage. New guy is AMAZING. Clever, funny, sexy as hell, all the good stuff.
However, he smokes. Quite a lot too.
I should point out that I will occasionally too and as of this point it hasn't caused any issues at all.
I am just curious as to what I can expect in the future, what's it like living with/being with a stoner? 😅 bad, good all of it.
I don't really have a problem with it so not looking for discussions about county lines and the drug trade etc.
I'd like to hear sensible actual accounts of what it'll be like.
I am hoping it won't cause any issues but I am curious 🤔
Thanks in advance.

I personally wouldn't because stoners are usually annoying, childish and prone to sulking when they can't have a smoke. All of that and it's not even a physically addictive drug. They're basically teenagers without that excuse to be a twat

This. And it stinks.

You’ve come to the wrong place for a balanced view. The generalisations that exist for stoners obviously don’t exist for mums that drink wine every night 🙄

it depends entirely on him as a person. I know a female mid 40’s who smokes every day, has a beautiful house and a successful business. I know another smoker who works high up at Sky, is married to a barrister and is a great dad of 2. I have however known people that use it far too heavily as a crutch and won’t be pleasant without it. I’d judge the situation the same way as I would someone who drinks often. Is it their end of the day way to relax, and they’re functioning humans or are they actually an addict who will be nasty without their choice of substance?

all in all proceed with caution and keep your eyes peeled

If you don't have a problem, then why have you created a thread about it where everyone is going to tell you how disgusting it is?
By the way it's disgusting and stinks

The generalisations that exist for stoners obviously don’t exist for mums that drink wine every night
The drug trade - and that includes cannabis - has destroyed countless lives. Would you want a dealer at your door threatening your son's life because he owes £50 for weed? You don't get that with wine.

As long as you don't mind being with someone that breaks the law and stinks to high heavens, then crack on.

Many years ago, I had an on/off relationship with a guy who smoked weed. The problem was that he didn't mind partaking in much MUCH stronger drugs either. I'd tell him it was bad and he'd shrug and say "everything in moderation". He didn't care.

He was super unreliable. It was heartbreaking 💔

So many broken promises. So many times he'd say "I'll make it up to you babe", and he never ever did.

He eventually became an alcoholic when he lost touch with his dealer.

Avoid!

How many people have got so stoned that they died? How many fights have broken out when a bunch of stoners got together and had a smoke?

I had a grown woman sexually assault me as a child whilst she was drunk, I’ve also had worse than that but I’ll leave that to the imagination. I’ve seen my mum pushed down stairs by her alcoholic partner. I’ve seen fights escalate into knife crime whilst people were drunk

I will forever believe that far worse comes from alcohol than weed but hey it’s legal so let’s all crack on!

I wouldn’t go near anyone who smokes drugs. It absolutely stinks to high holy hell for a start.

Literally this. The last man mistake I made was with a stoner. Moody swine honestly. No from me.

The problem here isn't the substance, but the arbitrary laws surrounding it which enables a criminal trade to occur. In the same way that when the USA introduced alcohol prohibition, organised crime and the violence that comes with it, soared. The problems you've described only exist because our country criminalises it - these issues aren't present in societies where it's legal to produce and consume. It isn't the drug itself causing people to behave in these ways. If we decriminalised cannabis, it would takes the need for illegal trade away.

I have had countless horrendous experiences with people under the influence of in my lifetime. I've not once been assaulted, threatened or abused by someone who was stoned. It's not for me, I don't like the smell, but as mind altering substances go it's not high (pardon the pun) on my list of concerns.

OP, just play it by ear. If you think their usage is problematic (affecting their ability to do day to day tasks, becoming a priority over other things etc), walk away. If it's just their thing to relax, I don't see why it's any worse than having a beer or a wine on an evening to unwind with.

How long have you known him?

I just think it gets tedious if it's frequent use and tends to end up with the person not doing much with their spare time & being irritable if they're expected to go without.

Basically depends on how much of a habit it is. Any kind of substance abuse may become problematic.

I’m in Canada so obviously different because it’s legal here.

i personally love it, I also never drink.

It helps my endometriosis, my adhd, my chronic migraines.

I get more done with it than without.

That said I’ve known stoners who do nothing, and are moody.

I’ve also known alcoholics who do nothing and are moody and violent.

I think a lot will depend on lifestyle.

Does he work? Exercise? Clean his home? Cook?

I’d look at that first.

I also mainly use edibles so I don’t smell like weed.

Long term use over time can cause paranoia and mental health issues. I have a friendship group who used as teenagers. The ones who have continued in to adulthood have without exception quite severe mental health issues, and scientific research indicates smoking weed contributes to this.

I’ll introduce you to my neighbour who has smoked every day since he was a teenager. Now he’s nearly 60, he’s like a 90 year old special needs patient who can barely string two words together, can no longer hold down a job and isn’t allowed contact with his grandchildren.

The best way to describe him is a total gibbering mess. But hey apparently it’s harmless

Yeah, the smell would put me off.

Can you get him to move to edibles instead?

I grew up with a parent who was a stoner. I'll be honest, I didn't like it. I think the occasional joint is fine and not problematic. However, it's a different matter when people smoke it every day. In my experience it makes people lethargic and lazy, paranoid also. When my parent finally gave up smoking cannabis there was a big change. They stopped being paranoid, they had more energy, they were more engaged.
My ex's mum was also a stoner and I feel it stole her passion for life. She basically did nothing apart from sit around and get stoned.
So I think the occasional joint is fine. Daily smoking is not. Because of my experiences, I wouldn't date a stoner.

Adult weed smokers are losers. Comparing it to alcohol is pointless because it’s just a comparison of apples to oranges. If he smokes “quite a lot” like you say, I bet he stinks, his house stinks, and you’ll eventually get first hand experience of how unpleasant stoners are when he has to go without it.

Cannabis smoke absolutely pongs. It has a way of grabbing onto any material it comes close to, in a way other smells don't. So, if you want to smell like cannabis too in front of other people like work colleagues, go for it. I'm sure you'll encounter people who insist they don't smell, but people can become numb to it after a while and they may not realise that they in fact pong of the same cannabis smell as their partner.

Many people will insist they're not addicted when they're smoking every day, when they are in fact addicted and simply don't want to admit it. Personally, I wouldn't want the bother.

The problem in my experience is that like any other substance, the amount required to achieve the same effect rises over time, and for a heavy smoker that increase is going to be markedly quicker.

What starts as a £50 a month "treat" can grow into a £200 a week habit quite quickly. (and weed is one of the cheapest drugs!)

Weed is notorious for turning users into lazy slobs. Stoners often discuss how different strains can produce a "couch glue" effect, ie after smoking you just sit on the sofa watching TV and ordering takeout. It takes away their drive to actually get anything done.

I have lived with a heavy smoker and his usage got higher and higher until it reached a point he couldn't financially sustain it. By that time his body was so used to the massive amounts of cannabis that not smoking made him feel constantly nauseous and achy. He did manage to stop smoking completely for a year and now only smokes socially, but he was frightened by how dependent he realised he was after cutting it out.

Like many other drugs, it also has an overall negative effect on mental health. Many people start smoking (or drinking) because they have anxiety or depression, but while the drug gives temporary relief, it actually worsens anxiety over the long term.

I would proceed with a great deal of caution.

I think it depends how often. My experience of people who smoke every day is that they can end up paranoid and moody when they don’t have any. If it’s once a week it’s probably ok, it wouldn’t bother me.

Run. Your hope is misplaced.

I'm curious as to why you say it's "pointless" to compare to alcohol use?

I've been with a 'stoner ' for nearly 30 years. We both have professional jobs, mortgage & kids. We smoke a doobie in the evenings. He's a good husband and father. Life is good.
(It is legal where I live)