Newish relationship and drug use

[Atlas2022]

In a new relationship after a long volatile marriage. New guy is AMAZING. Clever, funny, sexy as hell, all the good stuff.
However, he smokes. Quite a lot too.
I should point out that I will occasionally too and as of this point it hasn't caused any issues at all.
I am just curious as to what I can expect in the future, what's it like living with/being with a stoner? 😅 bad, good all of it.
I don't really have a problem with it so not looking for discussions about county lines and the drug trade etc.
I'd like to hear sensible actual accounts of what it'll be like.
I am hoping it won't cause any issues but I am curious 🤔
Thanks in advance.

a friend of mine smokes, heavily, has for 20+ years. She is so lazy its unbelievable. No drive, poor me ive got no money and never will have, yet has no drive to better themselves/upskill etc. dread to think how much she spends on it all. Try to avoid her house as its disgusting. Stinks to high heaven.

You’ve come to the wrong place for a balanced view. The generalisations that exist for stoners obviously don’t exist for mums that drink wine every night 🙄

Nonsense. Try posting a thread about your nightly wine habit. You will get no shortage of judgement and concern, plus sympathy and support for trying to stop your problem drinking. There are as many people who claim MN is full of wine-soaked lushes as there are people claiming MNers judge you if you drink more than their annual thimble of sherry.

One obvious practical issue is what happens if he drives?

He may well be over the limit all the time if he's a regular user

https://scullionlaw.com/drug-driving-know-the-facts-and-protect-your-licence/

Determining When It’s Safe to Drive
No guaranteed safe windows for driving exist following cannabis consumption without a direct drug screening. Roadside saliva tests detect use for 24+ hours, even after effects fade. THC levels spike immediately after smoking, then taper over hours, needing 7–12 hours to go down to the legal limit of 2 micrograms. But traces are identifiable for weeks or months, depending on the frequency of use. For regular smokers, don’t risk it. Wait 30+ days to be fully substance-free to ensure THC totally clears.

I married one 20 years ago ... he stopped that when I was pregnant with DD1 and then at some point started that sneaking behind my back eventually moved to cocaine !! He had addiction issues so he gets clean but then leans more on alcohol/cigarettes /gambling etc as a substitute .. goes to Narcotics Anonymous now for 2 years which is good but I still don't really trust him but we have a young daughter as well as an older one so on last chance now.. tbh I don't know what I was thinking getting married to him I didn't do drugs myself . It has hurt us financially/emotionally the list goes on .. i have 2 beautiful amazing girls so immensely grateful for that but my advice is Don't get serious - this still plagues me 20 yrs on ... x

Agreed

You just wait and see.

Or, it could be that those who were predisposed to mental health conditions smoked weed in order to mask those mental health problems and attempt to self medicate? Which came first? The chicken or the egg? I don’t smoke weed btw. Not for me but I also agree that alcohol causes far more devastation in society than weed does. I’m pretty sure the stats would confirm that. I don’t drink either btw.

You’ve obviously never witnessed a psychosis episode caused by smoking.

Is he addicted? Because i was with someone who was addicted and it was hell. All he wanted to do was smoke. Anything that involved getting up off the sofa was too much work (that included having a shower). When he didn't have any we all had to be miserable with to him, as if it was my fault because he spent all his money on the stuff and didn't have any money left to buy more.
Honestly you should find someone better.

Nah, the potency of modern weed leads to horrible MH outcomes.

This is really good advice

Was it caused by smoking though or was it because the person has a predisposition? Again, it’s the chicken and the egg. And I work in mental health btw. Some people are now being treated in the UK for mental health conditions like depression and anxiety with medical cannabis. This is highly regulated and is only available on prescription from approved clinics. Crops are grow without all the crap that is used in street crops, which can have all sorts of silicone, plastics and harmful chemicals in them. How do we know that it’s not these additives in street weed that is causing toxins to build up in the body of users and cause a psychotic episode? Of course all drugs have side effects, not all of them good but it’s not as clear cut as weed caused mental health issues im afraid.

I’m prescribed medical cannabis for endometriosis and PMDD. I was prescribed it after exhausting literally every other option bar a hysterectomy and oophorectomy (I trialled chemical oophorectomy which helped some problems but added new ones). I vape it and it works very well for me. The HCPs at the clinic are great. I’m curious how your colleagues feel about it?

I don’t think cannabis makes people lazy, they were most likely lazy to begin with. My friend smoked every day and in that time completed an undergrad, masters and PhD. Another friend smokes most days and works very hard. I completed a degree while vaping.

There are potential side effects with any medication, many cause changes in mood. Not everyone gets them. Those who do get them should use their judgement and adjust or stop. It’s the same with alcohol. If you know it’s having a detrimental effect on you then you need to cut down or cut it out altogether. Some people do, some people don’t and become problematic drinkers or full-blown alcoholics. People make their own choices and must deal with the consequences.

It makes me sad that someone would judge me so harshly for using a drug that I have been legally prescribed that is highly effective in alleviating my pain. The alternative is high doses of NSAIDs which I can no longer take since years of use have damaged my stomach, or opioids which make me feel sick, dizzy and constipate me. They also take time to kick in so I’m left to endure severe pain for 30-40 minutes, whereas the effects of cannabis are instantaneous when vaped.

Exactly. It’s not as simple as cannabis bad. Medical cannabis is helping thousands of people in the UK, and usually because they have exhausted all other pharmaceutical avenues with zero or poor results. I think it’s great that it’s helping people who would otherwise be having to struggle with meds that are having a detrimental effect both on their physical and therefore often their mental health. I’ve seen peoples quality of life drastically improve through the use of medical cannabis and I think that’s what we all want to see, improved quality of life and cessation/management of symptoms. I think medical cannabis will continue to be rolled out in the UK for more and more patients and I think that’s a good thing. Why shouldn’t cancer patients suffering with pain, nausea and lack of appetite suffer when they could have medical cannabis, that’s highly regulated and regularly monitored, with far less side effects than pharmaceutical drugs? Why should Parkinson’s patients suffer with debilitating tremors when medical cannabis could drastically reduce them and improve their quality of life? Same for seizures, including children. Why should patients with crippling anxiety be left with no further options pharmaceutically when medical cannabis is proving to be a successful option? Patients with chronic pain can also benefit greatly. And it doesn’t only have to be vaped. It can be administered as an oil or capsule too. Of course I believe it should be part of a holistic treatment plan including other appropriate therapies.

It makes me sad that someone would judge me so harshly for using a drug that I have been legally prescribed that is highly effective in alleviating my pain.

I don't think most people would judge you for using it when it's prescribed, though. You're doing it under medical advice and supervision. You obtain it legally.

Using it recreationally is not the same thing.

How does the outcome change?

If I smoke everyday for my health, how does the fact it’s prescribed change the “ lazy, paranoid, loser” I must be?

If it’s all down to the drugs wouldn’t the outcome be the same?

Doing under medical advice and supervision is the difference.

It's the difference between grandma Sue taking prescribed morphine for her pain from cancer versus her grandson Lee buying it on the street to get high.

@Atlas2022 my DP smokes weed. We don't live together. He has ADHD/Au and truthfully I've seen how manic he can be, and the weed certainly calms him down. He sees it a natural medication as opposed to medical drugs for ADHD. He's also a very smart person, doesn't drink and is very fit, and actively doesn't do it during the day because he knows his work could be compromised. I notice he uses it to self medicate and doesnt have the drive i have to keep my career going well. I think the world of work/life has become more stressful anyway so i can imagine more and more people are looking for some sort of outlet. We have no plans to marry, live together or have children.

Now that said, in your position, I wouldn't move in with someone like this. I'm understanding because he needs it but I don't feel comfortable enough around it to normalise it in our daily lives/with my own children. I'm drug free.

I've also been in an abusive relationship with someone with alcohol issues and I found a couple i dated post this, didn't drink but they did smoke some weed. Very chilled people, not violent, a bit lazy at times but had good jobs, but I guess I'd seen the opposite in my ex so this was the better alternative. Maybe you are feeling grateful this man is not like your ex. But maybe keep your eyes peeled.

Well apart from the anger issues and psychosis there is the fact that your children will smell ☹️

You’ve given quite specific info about the sky employee there 😬

It really depends how he’s using it. Things have changed a lot since I was younger and people smoked strong weed with tobacco.

DP has chronic pain and doesn’t drink. He uses a machine thing that heats it and doesn’t really produce smoke - it doesn’t smell, no tobacco used. I don’t particularly notice a difference in him, and he sleeps much better and uses less strong pain meds. So it’s a win in my book, and I much prefer this to someone who drinks alcohol.

I'm really shocked that so many people on here have seen firsthand people suffer psychosis, paranoia, anger issues etc from cannabis yet have had few negative experiences with people under the influence of alcohol. I'm curious to what extent it is that people notice/remember poor behaviour connected to controlled substances more, and perhaps turn a blind eye/forget poor behaviour linked to alcohol due to it being legal. Confirmation bias? All the regular smokers I know are well rounded people without the issues many MN users seem to be unfortunate enough to have encountered.

@cheerfulaf

If I was your mate who works at Sky I would be so pissed off with how identifying that post is!!

I agree, alcohol is a horrible thing that causes plenty of damage to people. And many people do smoke weed to self medicate, I agree with that. But at 14, most of my mates did it because it was passed round by older kids or because they wanted to be cool. And some just stuck with it. Of course I couldn’t say for certain in my group that the weed caused issues that wouldn’t have been there anyway, but smarter people than me have published scientific research showing a causative effect.

The human brain is still developing at that stage of life and of course, drug use of any kind will have some effect on that. However, again it could be that these young people had their own issues that you weren’t privy to beforehand. Maybe not. I’m not saying that all people who smoke cannabis do so because they have some underlying mental health problem but there are many that do. I def think it should be legalised and regulated. Not only would this be safer for users as it wouldn’t be contaminated with toxic addictives but it would also generate a lot of tax revenue which could be used to fund better mental health care, which is currently totally abysmal unfortunately. People are going to smoke weed. Let’s make it safe and use the money for good.