Newish relationship and drug use

[Atlas2022]

In a new relationship after a long volatile marriage. New guy is AMAZING. Clever, funny, sexy as hell, all the good stuff.
However, he smokes. Quite a lot too.
I should point out that I will occasionally too and as of this point it hasn't caused any issues at all.
I am just curious as to what I can expect in the future, what's it like living with/being with a stoner? 😅 bad, good all of it.
I don't really have a problem with it so not looking for discussions about county lines and the drug trade etc.
I'd like to hear sensible actual accounts of what it'll be like.
I am hoping it won't cause any issues but I am curious 🤔
Thanks in advance.

Mumsnet is so weird about weed! Meanwhile in the real world if you don’t like it don’t date him but he’s probably not the aggressive coke addled criminally insane junkie posters are saying he is 🤣

Doctors prescribe weed for certain conditions here in the UK now.

I’ve was in a relationship with a stoner for about 3 years and I’m sorry to say it was terrible! It was fun at the beginning, all of those things… but everyone is charming at the beginning of a relationship but then he would be stroppy, moody, didn’t want to go out at all! He was also extremely jealous, but this could have been his personality type… but weed does make you paranoid. I would also partake with him, because honestly it got so boring together that there was nothing else to do but smoke and watch rubbish.

The worst was if we went on holiday because obviously he couldn’t take weed with him and he would be awful for the first 3 days, then maybe level out because he was obviously addicted to smoking.

I guess it depends how addicted he is to it, perhaps tread carefully… from your account of your previous marriage I assume there are no children, which also gives you the luxury to decide if you want to continue the relationship or not. I only mention this as I would never have been with my ex if I had, had children at the time.

Having known a few they all got mental health issues and a couple went into harder drugs.

Just this. It's vile stuff and it stinks. I'll happily take a glass of wine instead.

You sound smitten! What I wouldn't like about this is that you never get to see this person in their own full self. Always being under influence you don't get to experience things unfiltered. They are not truly fully present. That takes away the realness needed to genuinely connect as far as I'm concerned.

@whathaveiforgotten - I don't think the kids' clothes ever smelt of weed. We smoke outside. There's a good chance they smell of weed occasionally now being High-school senior & University students. To be honest, where I live it's not at all unusual to get a good whiff of BC's finest.

I live in a US state where it's legal. Doctors can prescribe it for various conditions, and people can buy all kinds of formulations in registered shops - vapes, leaf, ingestibles, etc. It can also be bought from street dealers of course, though that is illegal.

And yes, it is like alcohol (except for that smell). Anyone denying the damage alcohol does needs to give their head a wobble. There is a very fine line between recreational use and dependence.

It is always cheaper and better in the long run to pay for a therapist if you feel you need any kind of substance to wind down, relax, or get through the day or night.

Doctors also prescribe opioids but it doesn't mean self-medicating with them is safe and non-problematic. 🙄

I've also never met anyone who smokes it on a purely recreational, once in a blue moon basis. While I agree that alcohol has destructive issues, pot seems to do something to people wherein it's never just once a week. Or once a month. It begins like that but then it's constant, and the talking about it!

I know there's the whole "Wine Mum" trope or "have a wine, you'll feel better" stuff, but in reality if these people were downing booze from 3.30pm until bedtime, people would be calling them alkies. Drinking is acceptable to a degree, but not getting trollied every night - which stoners do. And they. Don't. Shut. Up. About it.

No one cares about their whitey, their experience with spirituality because of a joint. If a drinker started harping on about how they felt so in touch with inner peace after a bottle of wine, they'd be pointed to AA.

Just to add my experience, which by reading this thread will be frowned apon.....I have a legal cannabis prescription due to chronic pain, as does my partner. Neither of us 'smoke' cannabis, I use a small vape which doesn't produce the same smell you get with cannabis joints, infact with a cannabis prescription it's made clear that mixing with tobacco for joints is not acceptable.
Honestly, it's changed my life for the better. I use my vape in the evening. It enables me to have a short period of time in the day where my pain isn't too excruciating. It enables me to get more than 2 hours sleep a night due to pain.
I also have prescription opiates that don't work half as well as cannabis does.
The judgemental comments on this thread are frankly shocking. Without cannabis I wouldn't be able to move around my home, look after my child and be a contributing member of the community.
I attend regular appointments with my prescribing doctor, yes it has to be done privately, not NHS but I use part of my PIP payment. All of my NHS consultants are aware and are happy that I have a cannabis prescription.
OP, only you decide if you want to pursue a relationship with this man but I just wanted to share my experiences....and probably get flamed for it! x

Sounds like you smoke, he smokes, you aren't really concerned about it but just want a bit of a chat to see the future.
My only bit of advice would be to not bother breeding in that environment, it'll just sink lower and lower.

There's a big difference between being prescribed a drug for its benefits to using it recreationally 'though.

Its use versus abuse.

Both can go wrong, like people can get addicted to prescription pain-killers etc, but one has supervision and support from medical professionals plus legal (and hopefully ethical) supply systems, while the other - does not.

@Hoppymclimpy - it really can work wonders. My mum lives in England and visits us for around 3 months every year. She has RA & really struggles with pain & mobility. 1st day she gets here I take her to the dispensary and she stocks up on edibles, teas & thc balm. She's like a new woman. I wish she had easy access to these products at home. There's no shame here around going into a cannabis dispensary.

The medical/therapeutic benefits of cannabis aren't really relevant to the OP's post though - there's no suggestion her boyfriend is using the drug for anything but fun.

In the best case he may be a bit of a dreamer who can’t quite get things together. Worst, mood swings, increasing dependence, creeping paranoia, schizophrenic- like episodes.

A lot of addicts are charming people. I would watch out.

It can be extraordinarily addictive.

I personally don't care about whether someone smokes or not. The issue is how much and how it ikmpacts his life, just like with any other habit whether that's alcohol, cycling or whatever.

SO, for example, can he skip smoking if he knows he has to drive or needs to be completely on form?

Does it impact the decisions taken about where you guys go, and when, and who with?

Because these are the issues.

Mentally yes but not physically like with alcohol or heroin for example where it physically hurts to give up. Weed is a want drug not a need one iyswim

All I know about are the people who are massively addicted by any ordinary understanding if the word; who fall into rages as a result of not having it because of mental effects, or turn to alcohol and sugar when it isn’t there. So you can say it isn’t addictive but some people cannot live without it and have been smoking it for over sixty years and have very diminished lives.

For years it was believed that cannabis could not be addictive and many people today still hold that belief to be true. Current research supports that cannabis is both physically addictive and psychologically addictive.
https://mcwell.nd.edu/your-well-being/physical-well-being/drugs/marijuana-or-cannabis-sativa/quitting-marijuana-a-30-day-self-help-guide/myths-and-current-research/

@category12 I didnt say any different. I only stated something. I didnt say I agreed or disagreed with anything so wind your neck in.

I'm not saying it's not addictive. I'm saying it's psychologically addictive but not physically. If someone stops smoking it all of a sudden, though they may feel a bit shitty it's nothing like heroin or alcohol withdrawal where the agony is brutal. Those withdrawals cold turkey are actually so dangerous whereas weed is nothing like it at all. As I say, it's a want drug not a physically need one

Your situation and use is entirely different.

The odd spliff, eh whatever.

Heavy use? Absolutely not. I've seen what heavy use does to people.