Newish relationship and drug use

[Atlas2022]

In a new relationship after a long volatile marriage. New guy is AMAZING. Clever, funny, sexy as hell, all the good stuff.
However, he smokes. Quite a lot too.
I should point out that I will occasionally too and as of this point it hasn't caused any issues at all.
I am just curious as to what I can expect in the future, what's it like living with/being with a stoner? 😅 bad, good all of it.
I don't really have a problem with it so not looking for discussions about county lines and the drug trade etc.
I'd like to hear sensible actual accounts of what it'll be like.
I am hoping it won't cause any issues but I am curious 🤔
Thanks in advance.

Personally I wouldn't settle with a weed smoker

If you have recently come out of a long and volatile marriage the last thing you need is yet another potentially volatile and or troublesome relationship with someone like a stoner.

Your boundaries, already skewed, will be further eroded.

Be on your own and love your own self for a change.

Haven’t got anything about it morally though people are right, it does stink to high heaven. It lingers too so I’d be wary of it clinging to you.

If he relies on it and smokes It a lot like you say he does, I think you will run into trouble with it at some point or other. Just like any other thing or substance anyone is reliant on.

I bet he is using coke too. Run.

They’re both addictive substances but comparing them, or trying to justify one because it’s not the other, is just that…pointless.

I once dated a stoner musician. He was funny, sexy etc etc. I thought he was passionate, creative and romantic.

Once his weed ran out he was a nasty, bitter little man who enjoyed humiliating me. Never again.

Well, essentially you are asking what is like to live with an addict. It’s not pretty although it might take some time to get to the ugly parts of it.
No matter how sexy, intelligent etc he is, he is an addict. Are you ok with that?

Not something I'd want, can't stand the smell for a start...don't like nicotine or vaping either.

All 3 would be deal breakers for me

Noooooooooooooooooooo.

Just no ☺️

Some do have it in moderation. My exh smoked it which I hated and that is one reason he is an ex. Made him go elsewhere to do it out the house. It can become a huge addiction where so much money is spent on it, then the munchies and eating loads, the lazy sleeping in bed all the time, the sat there eyes glazed over, the rage when trying to quit etc it's for losers and just reminds me of what teenage boys do who sit in Mcdonalds carparks at midnight.

I wouldn’t do it.

I went out with someone who I had had a relationship with ten years earlier and we met up again. I was shocked by his appearance - overgrown fingernails, grubby clothes, furry teeth. He had turned into a weed chain-smoker and a very boring one as all he went on about was cocaine like he was obsessed.

He visited my home and he smoked constantly and it absolutely stank the house out (I had no children in those days.) I couldn’t live with that bit alone as your clothes/home/belongings would permanently reek. How could you have people over to visit? Or what if you had children?

He’s in his 50s now and he still chain smokes.
He calls himself ‘semi-retired’ but he never worked as he couldn’t hold down a job.

It’s actually a really sad unfulfilling lifestyle.

Or maybe just stop altogether!

Stoners are not always reliable people.

Depending on the reason for their self medication, they are not always nice to be around, or safe, or able to relate to other people's reality.

Depending on the type of weed they use, they can become spacey, paranoid, aggressive, depressed, anxious, even psychotic. Long term use can contribute to cognitive decline, addiction, lung problems, including cancer, other cancers including cancers of the head, mouth, throat, and testicular cancer, and problems holding down a job.

Nowadays, the THC content of marijuana is about 15%, where it used to be about 4% back in the days of the hippies. The side effects are more likely, and more likely to hit harder.

I doubt this is the only nice, sexy guy on the planet - what is it about him in particular that attracts you?

Are you deliberately looking for someone to 'fix', or someone fundamentally unavailable to you?

Did you do any therapy after your previous relationship?
I recommend a book called "Co-Dependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

This would be a dealbreaker for me any type of drugs is a no no for me

‘He smokes quite a lot too.’

You need to ask yourself why is he so dependent on it.

It would be a definite no from me for all the reasons others have mentioned.

Another potential factor is, If you had kids with him, and they get into smoking at the teenager stage, because it’s been normalised by him, it can severely alter brain function/cause mental health problems that can’t be reversed. It would be akin to playing Russian roulette with their MH.

It’s worth giving it thought if you’re serious about him.

Oh God no. Every stoner I've known has been an overgrown baby, either man or woman. Boring, lazy, sulky, moody, no drive.

And the paranoia! My ex was a pothead and couldn't even get it up in bed. He was only in his early 20s and knew exactly what was causing it, but would he give up? Nope. Pot was more important than sex. Or the nice job he lost. Or the gorgeous flat he almost had an opportunity to buy. Or the plans he'd made with me.

I got added on FB by an old college acquaintances a while back - he'd been a stoner then and is now from a glimpse of the stuff he was posting. Grimy looking, unkempt, obsessed with weed, and one of those tinfoil hat loons. Yuck. He'd been a perfectly respectable lad back in college.

That glazed-eye, slack jawed expression is just so irritating. Yet they think they're all Bob Dylan writing poetry in their grotty, stinky little rooms. 🤢 With "big plans" that never happen.

Why? Lots of weed smokers never use cocaine.

I smoke weed sometimes.

Weed doesn't change people - if it's pure.

It's their inability to cope with life that is the bottom line as to how they deal with it.

You don't need this kind of man in your life OP.

Time to move on.

Some recreational drugs, used very occasionally, wouldn’t bother me, but I’d never date anyone that smoked weed because it smells so filthy, and turns people slow, boring, and paranoid.

Absolutely awful in my opinion. Wasn't even a partner but my brother instead. Me and my 2 other siblings all left home at 16 as we couldn't bare him. Stinks, sulks like a baby when he couldn't get weed, ponced of us for money, eventually stole things from us to fund it, started taking part in harder drugs, sat on his ass all day dossing and smoking. Utterly grim and unbareable. We're all now no contact with him :)

It would be a no from me .

I wouldn't want to live with someone who smoked, share a financial situation with someone who spent a portion of their wage on drug. And i definitely wouldn't want children in this scenario.

So if I had no intention of living with, sharing a life with or starting a family with a person unless it was just sex I wouldn't bother.

@DoubleDoubleDown

I've been with a 'stoner ' for nearly 30 years. We both have professional jobs, mortgage & kids. We smoke a doobie in the evenings. He's a good husband and father. Life is good. (It is legal where I live)

A couple of people I know would say similar and their kids clothes and book bags smell of weed.

You'll be back on Mumsnet in 10 years time complaining you're doing all the house work and child care.

People who smoke weed are moody , smelly and ime usually skint.