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Original poster

Ex husband on tinder after a week

114 replies

JofoXX · 04/02/2025 11:37

So, separated in August, after 5 years, we have 1 year old twins. Apart for 3 months, he had a casual thing with another woman, drinking binges etc, I was heartbroken.

We decided for some stupid reason to "try again" in November, he stayed out all night just 2 weeks ago, that was when it finally clicked in my head ENOUGH is ENOUGH

Got a message from a friend last night saying she saw him on Tinder. I know I don't want to be with him anymore but this still stings!

Desperation or didn't care at all about our marriage?

OP posts:
smithey855 · 04/02/2025 11:43

Not sure what the issue is.

You broke off the marriage, and for good reason by the sounds of things.

What he does not is not your problem.

Original poster
JofoXX · 04/02/2025 11:47

Oh, don't get me wrong I ended it, based on his man child behaviour but still, after such a short space of time on a dating app.

Not sure what I'm looking for tbh, just shocked by thus behaviour. Unless its normal for men to do this

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/02/2025 11:49

Desperation or didn't care at all about our marriage?

Or just ready to move on. You can go on dating apps if you want to.

Original poster
JofoXX · 04/02/2025 11:50

Well I think if you can move on that quickly (a week) after a 5 year marriage and a family then that is very strange behaviour.

OP posts:
Lighterlilly · 04/02/2025 11:51

JofoXX · 04/02/2025 11:50

Well I think if you can move on that quickly (a week) after a 5 year marriage and a family then that is very strange behaviour.

Edited

Fair enough, but he’s not doing anything wrong, it’s over, he is entitled to move on. Everyone handles these things differently.

astl · 04/02/2025 11:54

I understand how you feel OP. I've been there myself.

On one hand PPs are right - it is none of your business. Regardless, any half decent human with an ounce of emotion would be hurt by this. The fact someone can move on and attempt to 'replace' you so quickly leaves you wondering if they actually loved you or not.
If the feelings were real you'd expect him to be hurt and to take a reasonable amount of time to heal and move on.

He's an arsehole OP, and the PPs making out you're unreasonable have never been here themselves

Lighterlilly · 04/02/2025 11:54

He did it last time too op, he had a fling with someone else when you split in August. So id say predictable,

Original poster
JofoXX · 04/02/2025 11:56

Yeah. Maybe I'm just being abit bitter. Suppose this behaviour should help me to move on quicker. Thanks all, appreciate all comments

OP posts:
Leoislazy · 04/02/2025 11:57

You have to try and let it go. My ex (married 13 years, together 17) was all over everything. The reality was he was on it all, and acting on it, for years before I started divorce proceedings. There were lots of things that angered or upset me afterwards but the healthiest thing that you can do is step back from those feelings. Realise - down to your bones - that it’s done and nothing he does can affect you any more. The sooner you master that the better.

DazedAndConfused321 · 04/02/2025 11:59

This is just confirmation of what you already know. He is not capable of loving or respecting you, and you are finally free from wondering what will be. Take this as the last sign that your seperation and divorce is the right choice.

You will be ok, you just need to get through it.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 04/02/2025 12:00

From your description of him OP, I'm surprised you are surprised.

Snorlaxo · 04/02/2025 12:01

You broke up with him for being a man child so he’s acting to type by trying to get sex on Tinder. I understand the shock but it shows where his priorities are and that he wants sex and getting drunk rather than serious adult relationship.

TwistedWonder · 04/02/2025 12:04

It’s pathetic but some people can’t even let the bed get cold before they’re chasing someone else to fill the space.
I went on a date with a man once who told me mid date he’d broken off his engagement the previous Friday - I’d started chatting to him on Monday so 3 days he was single.

Original poster
JofoXX · 04/02/2025 12:07

Wow. I think I'm just shocked in Men. Never had any experiences like this prior. What a sad world we live in when Loyalty and respect mean nitto

OP posts:
curious79 · 04/02/2025 12:10

literally who cares as to his motives? He's an ex. We can speculate but is that helpful? [he was always a cheater who probably had more women; now he's free he wants to sh@g the world; he wants to find a wife and have even more children?] The sooner you give no shlts about what he is doing and why other than being a good Dad to your shared children, and paying any contribution as required, the better.

mondaytosunday · 04/02/2025 12:11

But it's not like he woke up one morning and decided 'nope not feeling this let's sign up for tinder see what's out there'.
Your marriage has been on the rocks for ages, he's already had an affair, so looks like it was over for him some time ago. So it's not after one week.

curious79 · 04/02/2025 12:11

TwistedWonder · 04/02/2025 12:04

It’s pathetic but some people can’t even let the bed get cold before they’re chasing someone else to fill the space.
I went on a date with a man once who told me mid date he’d broken off his engagement the previous Friday - I’d started chatting to him on Monday so 3 days he was single.

My now DH was newly separated from his 20yr marriage by 3 weeks when we met. Relationships often break down well before they're officially over. There doesn't need to be a mourning period

Original poster
JofoXX · 04/02/2025 12:14

Actually he puts himself first before his children. He thinks now he is single the responsibility element is mine and a few hours a week is good enough. He shouldn't be able to "Do what he wants" what kind of role model to his sons is that?

Anyhow, thanks for the comments, I'm well rid. It's helpful to see this from others perspectives

OP posts:
kshaw · 04/02/2025 12:17

Mine did the same basically. Was in 'a new relationship' 4 weeks after we split. In theory yes he can do what he wants, doesn't mean he's not an arsehole. Who wants to get involved with a man that soon out of a relationship either?! You'll get over it and realised they're welcome to him. Just takes time x

Original poster
JofoXX · 04/02/2025 12:19

I'm sure about 1 thing. I'm staying single for a very long time🤣 last thing I could think of is chasing abit of an ego boost! I'd rather have my self dignity. Just another challenge to battle 💪

OP posts:
GentlemanJay · 04/02/2025 12:22

You don't want to be with him, but you don't want him to move on. He's your ex. He's single. He can do what he wants. Men are different to women. They don't take a year out two "working on themselves" before they make the next step.

Do you want him to remain single. Will it validate your thoughts on him being a twat?

Lighterlilly · 04/02/2025 12:23

JofoXX · 04/02/2025 12:14

Actually he puts himself first before his children. He thinks now he is single the responsibility element is mine and a few hours a week is good enough. He shouldn't be able to "Do what he wants" what kind of role model to his sons is that?

Anyhow, thanks for the comments, I'm well rid. It's helpful to see this from others perspectives

You are well rid yes. If clearly didn’t work. And parents can sadly do whay they wish, kids are put up for adoption, abused, neglected, my mother walked out on me, my father raised me. So it’s not just men who pass the buck. Women do it too,

Original poster
JofoXX · 04/02/2025 12:27

GentlemanJay · 04/02/2025 12:22

You don't want to be with him, but you don't want him to move on. He's your ex. He's single. He can do what he wants. Men are different to women. They don't take a year out two "working on themselves" before they make the next step.

Do you want him to remain single. Will it validate your thoughts on him being a twat?

I didn't choose for him to stay out all night, it didn't leave me a choice, wether I wanted to be with him or not u have children and they shouldn't see that behaviour. I also have 2 daughters aged 15 & 17 from previous relationship.

He can obviously do what he wants but it isn't nice when a friend informs you so soon after the split. I think it's the timescale that is the issue. I don't want him I just thought he'd have more respect. Love and feelings don't dissappear so quickly for some.

OP posts:
Collette78 · 04/02/2025 12:54

I think people just respond differently to break ups, you may find it hard but ultimately it’s his choice and up to him what he does from here.

Some people just can’t be on their own.

I had an ex who finished things with me and then rang his other ex up on the way home from mine to try and crack on with her…. it is what it is and often reaffirms reasons for splitting up … you just need to move on in your own way xx

Starlight1984 · 04/02/2025 12:55

curious79 · 04/02/2025 12:11

My now DH was newly separated from his 20yr marriage by 3 weeks when we met. Relationships often break down well before they're officially over. There doesn't need to be a mourning period

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