Page 5 | Ex husband on tinder after a week

JofoXX · 2025-02-04T11:37:32+00:00

So, separated in August, after 5 years, we have 1 year old twins. Apart for 3 months, he had a casual thing with another woman, drinking binges etc, I was heartbroken. We decided for some stupid reason to "try again" in November, he stayed out all night just 2 weeks ago, that was when it finally clicked in my head ENOUGH is ENOUGH Got a message from a friend last night saying she saw him on Tinder. I know I don't want to be with him anymore but this still stings! Desperation or didn't care at all about our marriage?

Christl78 · 05/02/2025 11:46

I have decided that when I go on Tinder again, I am going to include the following in my bio:
”if married/taken make sure you swipe left, If we date and find out you lied please be aware that I will 100% find your wife, send her screenshots and tell her”.

Original poster

JofoXX · 05/02/2025 11:47

Chuchoter · 05/02/2025 10:37

Why is your friend sticking the knife in by telling you he's on Tinder?

She knows you've split up so she should keep her beak out of it unless she enjoys seeing you get upset.

That's no friend, no friend at all.

She didn't know we had split, I didn't communicate that on social media etc, she's a friend I don't see often so I'm glad she did, if we had of still been together I would have wanted to know.

OP posts:

Original poster

JofoXX · 05/02/2025 11:48

Soontobe60 · 05/02/2025 09:10

But it’s not as if he was blissfully happy in the relationship is it?

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Then he shouldn't have initiated and made the effort to come back a few months ago....

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ItGhoul · 05/02/2025 11:52

JofoXX · 04/02/2025 11:50

Well I think if you can move on that quickly (a week) after a 5 year marriage and a family then that is very strange behaviour.

Edited

But you'd already split up months ago and 'tried again' and it didn't work. He wasn't moving on immediately after a five-year marriage and kids; he was moving on after realising things were definitely never going to work out. Big difference.

Also, I don't think it's 'strange behaviour' for a newly single person to fancy a bit of probably fairly casual sex on the rebound and I don't think it means he didn't care about your marriage. I doubt he's on Tinder looking for a second marriage. He's on Tinder for a bit of fun, a distraction. Which is neither strange nor your business. You say you don't want to be with him so why would you care? He's just dealing with your break-up in a different way from you; the fact that he's on Tinder honestly doesn't mean he isn't upset about it.

Your friend was a dickhead for telling you about this, to be honest. What good could come of you knowing your ex was on Tinder other than making you angry and upset about something that you don't actually need to know about at all?

Original poster

JofoXX · 05/02/2025 11:59

ItGhoul · 05/02/2025 11:52

But you'd already split up months ago and 'tried again' and it didn't work. He wasn't moving on immediately after a five-year marriage and kids; he was moving on after realising things were definitely never going to work out. Big difference.

Also, I don't think it's 'strange behaviour' for a newly single person to fancy a bit of probably fairly casual sex on the rebound and I don't think it means he didn't care about your marriage. I doubt he's on Tinder looking for a second marriage. He's on Tinder for a bit of fun, a distraction. Which is neither strange nor your business. You say you don't want to be with him so why would you care? He's just dealing with your break-up in a different way from you; the fact that he's on Tinder honestly doesn't mean he isn't upset about it.

Your friend was a dickhead for telling you about this, to be honest. What good could come of you knowing your ex was on Tinder other than making you angry and upset about something that you don't actually need to know about at all?

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Are you for real? I ended it for my own self respect and the sake of my children not having to have a mother being treat like a doormat. But obviously it's going to hurt me? Whatever the reason he's on, I married the man, I have his children. No, it isn't my business anymore but I'm allowed to feel pain. I'm taking it you haven't experienced a broken family. Knowing he is even looking for casual sex is a slap in the face whilst I'm her raising his kids pretty much single handedly.

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WomenInConstruction · 05/02/2025 12:05

Subscribers to the 'none of your business' school of thought in life can be very militant about their beliefs.

Christl78 · 05/02/2025 12:27

JofoXX · 05/02/2025 11:59

Are you for real? I ended it for my own self respect and the sake of my children not having to have a mother being treat like a doormat. But obviously it's going to hurt me? Whatever the reason he's on, I married the man, I have his children. No, it isn't my business anymore but I'm allowed to feel pain. I'm taking it you haven't experienced a broken family. Knowing he is even looking for casual sex is a slap in the face whilst I'm her raising his kids pretty much single handedly.

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OP you are definitely “allowed” (we now need permission as it seems?) to feel pain and hurt. No matter what, you have shared a life and two kids with this man. Of course it’s painful and I think feeling your feelings is a very important part of healing. ❤️
Mind you though, It’s usually a narcissist who moves on so quickly as he can’t live without narcissistic supply.

DazzlingCuckoos · 05/02/2025 12:44

JofoXX · 04/02/2025 11:50

Well I think if you can move on that quickly (a week) after a 5 year marriage and a family then that is very strange behaviour.

Edited

Unfortunately a lot of men think with something other than their brain.

Plus, his casual fling while you were together suggests that although it seems quick to you, he'd already moved on a while ago, just not officially.

What he now chooses to do with his love life is (kindly) as much of your business as your love life is to him (and I'm sure you'd not want him to know). I'd perhaps suggest to your friend to not mention it again if she sees him on OLD apps.

Focus on yourself OP - sounds like you're well shot of him!

Disturbia81 · 05/02/2025 12:53

It's common, it's not all men but it's common. It says a lot when it's women who mostly wanna stay single for a good while, means they've been hurt and fucked over and are sick of mens shit.

Men had better treatment and looked after etc so they want that again, need ego fed, plus they are driven by sex drive which can be stronger than needing to heal etc.

ERthree · 05/02/2025 15:17

TwistedWonder · 05/02/2025 08:54

Guy I know separated from his wife in 2017 and is on his 9th relationship since then. He literally jumps from one to the next in a matter of weeks - funnily enough they’ve all got their own homes and he moves in (and out again) very quickly!

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Sounds like my ex husband. I found his "wish list for a new partner, it was pathetic, no1 on his list was that she must have her own house, if she had children they had to be over 12 and male. She also had to have be going through a rough divorce so he could be the Knight in shining armour and save her. Sad and pathetic.

KimFan · 05/02/2025 15:40

He's now your ex for a good reason. Leave him to it and move on with having a great life! He's not your worry anymore.

TwistedWonder · 05/02/2025 15:47

ERthree · 05/02/2025 15:17

Sounds like my ex husband. I found his "wish list for a new partner, it was pathetic, no1 on his list was that she must have her own house, if she had children they had to be over 12 and male. She also had to have be going through a rough divorce so he could be the Knight in shining armour and save her. Sad and pathetic.

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Honestly this man is over 60 and he’s no catch at all yet he seems to having an endless stream of women willing to let him get his feet under their table. It’s baffling

His last partner was lovely, way too good for him and they were together a couple of years. I saw them together in early November and they seemed fine. Then at Christmas he’s posting on FB he’s in a relationship with a completely new woman

It’s so cringe. A grandfather spending his dotage chasing skirt and announcing it all publicly.

Boomer55 · 05/02/2025 17:12

Not your business, not your problem. 👍👍👍

LilacRaven · 05/02/2025 17:31

JofoXX · 04/02/2025 12:14

Actually he puts himself first before his children. He thinks now he is single the responsibility element is mine and a few hours a week is good enough. He shouldn't be able to "Do what he wants" what kind of role model to his sons is that?

Anyhow, thanks for the comments, I'm well rid. It's helpful to see this from others perspectives

Yea I think this is the crux of it. It's not so much the fact he's on a dating app but the injustice that you are left with the young kids and the consequences of him being a crap father and partner is that you break up with him and he gets to go live his life and have all the freedom.

All you can do is focus on the fact you've got your babies and see that of what positive outcome of being with him and make sure he pays his way and takes some responsibility so you get a break. Do not ever get back with him again.