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Original poster

How do threesums impact relationships?

111 replies

Thelifeofelle · 03/02/2025 10:38

I’m a little nervous to start this but after reading other posts on here I’m going to be brave. I 34 married to my DH for 10 years and have 2 children. Our sex life has been slowing down and if I’m really honest, that is because of me. I just don’t feel sexy any more, my boobs are not what they were and I have jiggly bits now.
my DH suggested that we spice things up and maybe try an app to talk about our sexual desires. We did and the app was terrible, but he said he would like to have a three way and me not taking it seriously said the same. After we spoke about it and I brushed it off, I have started thinking about it and the idea of another woman has excited me more than I ever expected. To the point where I’m starting to look at other women and how I would even bring it up to them.
I wanted to see if anyone has gone further than just dreaming about it and how the relationship was after. My DH said he is happy to watch me and another woman, but if it was me I feel like I’d want the attention off everyone involved. And a big part of me gets turned on at the idea of watching him with another woman.

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 03/02/2025 10:46

You need to have very strict rules in place beforehand. When I did it my rules were:

No kissing
No penetration
No nudity
No third person involved
I need to be asleep by 10.30

Our marriage has survived intact.

notanotherdad · 03/02/2025 12:57

I best prepare for the backlash for answering this Confused so as a married man, in a very similar situation. I would support my wife and have a honest conversation to what she'd like me to do. If that's me standing back and give her space or being involved, if she's opening up to me about this, it's the trust I don't want to break. Good luck and don't put any pressure on yourself either way.

Unrelated38 · 03/02/2025 13:04

You need boundaries you both agree to and stick to them. If either of you feels uncomfortable you stop. We also found it beneficial to have sex with eachother after the other people had left. Look for people together, talk to them, flirt with them, meet face to face. It's important that either of you csn stop it without complaint at any time.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 03/02/2025 13:05

Threesomes ( unless you want a maths lesson)

nodramaplz · 03/02/2025 13:08

If my husband ever seriously suggested it, I'd tell him to rock on and roll out of my life 👌
I hope it works out for you 🥰

myplace · 03/02/2025 13:11

A friend’s marriage broke down when she couldn’t go and the other two met up anyway. It had never occurred to her they would, and it had never occurred to them that she wouldn’t like it.

Cocothecoconut · 03/02/2025 13:49

It will probably stuff up your relationship

Adamante · 03/02/2025 14:30

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 03/02/2025 10:46

You need to have very strict rules in place beforehand. When I did it my rules were:

No kissing
No penetration
No nudity
No third person involved
I need to be asleep by 10.30

Our marriage has survived intact.

This Grin

notanotherdad · 03/02/2025 14:56

myplace · 03/02/2025 13:11

A friend’s marriage broke down when she couldn’t go and the other two met up anyway. It had never occurred to her they would, and it had never occurred to them that she wouldn’t like it.

In what world did the two think it was going to be ok lol

outdooryone · 03/02/2025 15:23

I cannot see how a threesome will fix anything in what sounds like a less than solid relationship already.

Whatado · 03/02/2025 15:36

We talk about in fantasy type stuff, but equally I know I'm much to jealous and probably insecure to be able to go through with it. I could imagine me comparing myself to the other woman.

Personally I think it's a situation you don't know how you will feel until it's underway. Or the impact of how you will feel afterwards even if in the moment you enjoyed it.

When we honestly weighed up the potential for things to go wrong the risk is to high. Worst case scenario our relationship breaks down. We have kids to think about.

There is lots of ways you can spice up your sex life without going full way into a threesome.

Read some books on keeping the exotic element in a relationship, online things you can try.

Figure out what makes you feel sexy, clothes, scents, textures, positions, seduction etc. There is so much more between lights of under the duvet and a three way to try.

notanotherdad · 03/02/2025 16:07

Whatado · 03/02/2025 15:36

We talk about in fantasy type stuff, but equally I know I'm much to jealous and probably insecure to be able to go through with it. I could imagine me comparing myself to the other woman.

Personally I think it's a situation you don't know how you will feel until it's underway. Or the impact of how you will feel afterwards even if in the moment you enjoyed it.

When we honestly weighed up the potential for things to go wrong the risk is to high. Worst case scenario our relationship breaks down. We have kids to think about.

There is lots of ways you can spice up your sex life without going full way into a threesome.

Read some books on keeping the exotic element in a relationship, online things you can try.

Figure out what makes you feel sexy, clothes, scents, textures, positions, seduction etc. There is so much more between lights of under the duvet and a three way to try.

As a man, it's easy for me to say yes I would love this conversation and experience with my wife. But if it was another man she wanted to get involved, I don't think I'll be so keen.

Ridingthegravytrain · 03/02/2025 16:17

God I can't even muster up the enthusiasm for a twosome

UpUpUpU · 03/02/2025 16:22

Absolutely not. I personally would not get over the jealousy of seeing my partner with another woman.

HarrietJonesFlydaleNorth · 03/02/2025 16:26

I don't think that coming at this from a position of insecurity (feeling unsexy and uncomfortable with your body) would be a good idea.

Perhaps explore something else together first? If you're really interested in maybe involving someone else you're going to have to get really good at communicating with each other first.

CarnivorousHipPain · 03/02/2025 16:28

Threesomes don't work if anyone in it is a couple. That's my observation.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 03/02/2025 16:28

I mean this topic comes up a lot on MN and there will be plenty of comments about the logistics of ground rules blah blah.
But I find the whole thing to be sordid and gross, and I can't imagine how on earth it would improve your sex life. Its the sort of thing you can't undo once you've done it, you've forever opened up your marriage, your special relationship with your husband, to someone else.
Don't do it.

Pelagi · 03/02/2025 16:28

You know, sometimes these days I put threads on my watch list just so I can see when and why they get deleted…

smithey855 · 03/02/2025 16:29

If you go on the apps like WAX (KK) most of the profiles are couples wanting another kitten ( women )

I'm yet to see a couple seeking a man to partake in their fun.

Personally, I think they will only ever work if a) the women is BI and WANTS to be with another women or b) if it also is turned the other way and as well as a FFM there is also a MMF

A FFM is most men's fantasy, but the reality is often very different and therefore i would suggest keeping it as a fantasy.

ThatMerryReader · 03/02/2025 16:43

Well done for admitting that you are responsible for current decline in sex life. It is an unusual display of humility in these parts.
I say, go for it! You seem to be fantasising about it, and I don't see your husband complaining about it anytime soon.
Never forget the ultimate rule: you regret the things you don’t do more than the ones you do

PiastriThePastry · 03/02/2025 16:49

What a monumentally shit idea op. Your lack of intimacy is, in part or in its entirety, down to you feeling insecure about the way you look and uncomfortable being naked around your husband, of all people… so you want to introduce a hitherto unknown third party so you can watch your husband get turned on by them and their body leaving you to ruminate over which bits were ‘better’ than you and whether your husband fancied them more and so on and so on… it’s almost too daft to be believable…

Boomer55 · 03/02/2025 17:05

I don’t want to watch a man I love with another woman. No man that’s loved me ever wanted that with me either.

But, horses for courses, I suppose.🤷‍♀️

I think, from watching and knowing people, it often ends in grief 🙄

DameM · 03/02/2025 17:27

Very common op you only need to look at Fabwingers site to see how common ffm and moresomes are. Maybe ask for this to be moved to the sex board you may get a less uptight response.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 03/02/2025 17:38

ThatMerryReader · 03/02/2025 16:43

Well done for admitting that you are responsible for current decline in sex life. It is an unusual display of humility in these parts.
I say, go for it! You seem to be fantasising about it, and I don't see your husband complaining about it anytime soon.
Never forget the ultimate rule: you regret the things you don’t do more than the ones you do

Glad to know what the ultimate rule is.
I really want a new car, shall I just go and steal one? I mean, I don't want to regret not doing stuff....

TheLargestToblerone · 03/02/2025 17:46

A couple of things stand out in your post. Firstly, you probably need to address your insecurity about your body separately to this idea. Would getting naked with a stranger actually help that? Secondly you frame this as wanting to improve your sex life with your partner. But you seem more excited about being with a woman than yourself being with your partner. Lastly, I'm sure threesomes do work out well for some couples, but it probably takes a lot of trust and security and I suspect the couples it does work for are the ones who are already in a good place. It sounds like you are not in a good place sexually with your partner. Is there not something less extreme that you could try first, instead of something which has been known to blow up even good relationships?