How do threesums impact relationships?

[Thelifeofelle]

I’m a little nervous to start this but after reading other posts on here I’m going to be brave. I 34 married to my DH for 10 years and have 2 children. Our sex life has been slowing down and if I’m really honest, that is because of me. I just don’t feel sexy any more, my boobs are not what they were and I have jiggly bits now.
my DH suggested that we spice things up and maybe try an app to talk about our sexual desires. We did and the app was terrible, but he said he would like to have a three way and me not taking it seriously said the same. After we spoke about it and I brushed it off, I have started thinking about it and the idea of another woman has excited me more than I ever expected. To the point where I’m starting to look at other women and how I would even bring it up to them.
I wanted to see if anyone has gone further than just dreaming about it and how the relationship was after. My DH said he is happy to watch me and another woman, but if it was me I feel like I’d want the attention off everyone involved. And a big part of me gets turned on at the idea of watching him with another woman.

What’s the actual point? It’s not a connection. There is no emotion involved. It’s just an orgasm with a stranger with your partner looking on. Or vice versa. Why would you do this?

Because it's fun?

What is fun about that scenario?

Yeah this. It's gross isn't it really? And it NEVER ends well. 'Fun' my arse.

No-one in a happy, secure relationship wants to fuck other people, or see their partner fuck other people.

Some hilariously deluded people on this thread.

I've been with my husband for 6 and a half years. Rarely a cross word. Never monogamous. I've watched him have sex with dozens of people, sometimes I've been involved, and he's done the same. Some of them are friends, or at least social acquaintances, not strangers. Lots of them are also in committed relationships. We love each other to death and enjoy this as part of our adult, consenting sex lives. You're perfectly free to say this would never appeal to you and doesn't sound like fun to you, but to insist people who do enjoy swinging are deluded and must not really love their partners is fucking rude and disrespectful. You are a judgemental fool, and I pity you for having such a pointlessly narrow view of the world that you can only imagine that your experience is the correct one.

In brief; exhibitionism, voyeurism, physical pleasure, intense emotions and hedonism. All things that are fun to a lot of people. Not you, and that's fine, but we aren't all the same.

I don’t understand how people can not imagine others perceiving the world different to them???

I can understand people saying it’s not for me - as I am happy with my sex life within my relationship.

And I understand people who say - my view of relationship/love VS sex is different to accepted mainstream.

Why the mainstream feel this need to deny the other people the right to feel how they fewl 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

@Thelifeofelle - threesomes, foursomes, etc can be fun, and can add to couple’s sex life. But - in your case, I don’t think it is a solution. You need to first get to a better place - diet? exercise? Etc - you are only in your 30s - by most people standards you are young and should NOT feel so down on your looks…

You have been married since early/mid 20s and I can see how that may affect your libido -
things do get boring my at times with just one partner, and life if long.

For me - relationship/ love / vows goes along with sex. But sex can also exist outside of that and can add to my relationship.
There is sex that has emotional connection - and then there is a purely hedonistic sex, that is fun and does not carry intimacy.

As others said - your relationship needs to be solid and sexual before you can possibly consider exploring anything additional.
Why not start by working on your self esteem, and talking more about your fantasies…
For many people sharing fantasied is often where it ends.

If one day you feel like taking it further - go to a swingers club, or a KK party as a couple - see how it feels being around openly charged sexuality. It may help with your reconnecting.
And who knows - maybe will lead somewhere too…

Thank you, for me the option of bringing someone else into the bed has only been spoken about in "would you or wouldn't you" conversation and I don't think it's something I'll be trying with my wife. You are right, so many people will judge you for commenting. Let people make mistakes or let them have their fantasies. OP did say she was just thinking about it and not arranging a gangbang

Things like threesomes should be used to enhance sex life, not try to mend. If you are struggling with intimacy this should be repaired as a couple. Then threesomes (if you both desire) can be explored when you have the solid foundations back.

Because some people don’t need an emotional connection to enjoy sex. If you do, that’s fine, but lots of people don’t. There’s no emotion involved in having a wank, either, but it’s still tremendously enjoyable.

A threesome within my relationship wouldn’t be for me, personally - but for the sole reason that I’d find the dynamic of me, my partner and another person too awkward socially, not because I don’t think I’d enjoy the sex! Plus I have no interest in other women and my partner has no interest in other men. But If I was single and had the chance of a threesome with two men I liked and found attractive, who were also single, I’d do it.

Hubby is for me and me only. I don't share.... and neither does he 🙂