How do threesums impact relationships?

[Thelifeofelle]

I’m a little nervous to start this but after reading other posts on here I’m going to be brave. I 34 married to my DH for 10 years and have 2 children. Our sex life has been slowing down and if I’m really honest, that is because of me. I just don’t feel sexy any more, my boobs are not what they were and I have jiggly bits now.
my DH suggested that we spice things up and maybe try an app to talk about our sexual desires. We did and the app was terrible, but he said he would like to have a three way and me not taking it seriously said the same. After we spoke about it and I brushed it off, I have started thinking about it and the idea of another woman has excited me more than I ever expected. To the point where I’m starting to look at other women and how I would even bring it up to them.
I wanted to see if anyone has gone further than just dreaming about it and how the relationship was after. My DH said he is happy to watch me and another woman, but if it was me I feel like I’d want the attention off everyone involved. And a big part of me gets turned on at the idea of watching him with another woman.

DH and I have had a fair few threesomes and even a foursome. I've been in female/female relationships before but nothing serious but I do find women attractive. I also find it great seeing my DH with another woman.

We always chat with the other person for a while and go for drinks or coffee first. If either feel uncomfortable then we stop there. We have had some amazing experiences and are still good mates with a lesbian couple that we met up with a few times. DH has even gone for dinner with them whilst I've been away on holiday. He doesn't sleep with them alone though.

It doesn't have to be sordid. Our rules are openness and transparency about communications, so we don't message outside the whatsapp group with anyone without the others knowledge and we always use protection.

Personally I have enjoyed it and it has been fun, but we go through fits and starts. Trust is key though and feeling good about yourself.

At least learn to spell it first.

This. Very much this.

I've done it many years ago I wasn't in a relationship though I was the third one joining them done it twice wasn't nothing special and felt uncomfortable with the last time as he was showing me alot more attention that his wife said after that never again

If your relationship is secure and you discuss boundaries and agree then go for it.
However, if you're having those thoughts about women, do you not think maybe you could be bi curious and as such it could open a big can of worms?
I was with a man and now in a relationship with woman (similar situation to you) I'd never go back to a man and that ultimately ended my marriage. Tread carefully

Reporting to ask this to be moved to the Sex topic

It's a fantasy for lots of people but that doesn't mean it doesn't have the capacity to go badly wrong as you pointed out upthread. I've known of it destroying several couples and there are examples in this thread.
OP apparently already has body insecurity issues and a flat sex life with her DH so I can't see how this would ever get put into the category of 'Threesomes that went well'.
Maybe they need to work on their sex life together first without her husband shagging someone else in front of her first.
It's too much of a leap from dead bedroom to threesome.

I think anything other than a rock solid relationship would be destroyed by threesomes. I get the impression it is only couples who are satisfied and secure with their relationship and see it as an addition rather than a fix who survive inviting a third person in.

No it'll fuck things up good and proper. Keep it as a fantasy. You have no experience and the first thing you mentioned was your bodily insecurities. Your husband jumped straight into fantasy chat by raising the possibility of another woman which shows me he isn't someone who can uphold nuance, tact and subtly when it comes to this kind of thing (that isn't necessarily the same as boundaries and consent or being a bad guy). In the nicest possible way, leave it alone. A long marriage with children isn't a game.

the fantasy of it sounds great.
when I was with my ex h we also discussed it but never took it to reality. In my head it sounded great but when I thought of the reality of it I knew I'd eat away at my own body hang ups, afraid he'd be more attracted to the other woman and orgasm better with her or about her. Would he fancy her more etc, would it eventually end my marriage because it would make me feel so insecure and vice versa had it been a man involved instead.
I dont think it's a good idea. It's the fantasy of it you like, I think if you actually went ahead you'd end up regretting it.

It's a fantasy of mine (f) too. Myself and my husband have discussed it and we've been together over 30 years and have children. The trouble is I know I have major body confidence issues and I think if we were to carry out our fantasy it could ruin our marriage so don't feel it's worth the risk. As much as I'd love to try it, I really don't want to risk my relationship.
Good luck if you do try it but I do think you have to question whether your relationship and life as it is, is worth the risk.

Same here :(

No, I think it happens quite a lot. The New Relationship Energy is wonderful while the old relationship is sometimes a bit battered and dull. I know a few couples who opened up their relationships and split up / ended up running off with the third party.

Hey OP 👋
If you are feeling insecure about your body & it’s affecting your sexual relationship with your husband, I wouldn’t have a 3way either as said above ..
I think ThelargestToblerone makes very good sense in what she says … x

What a fucking surprise, a man doesn’t want another man involved but open to another woman 🙄

I don't understand how having threesome gels wirh marriage. I thought marriage involved taking vows to each other. I thought marriage was about monogamy.

If open relationships, threesones, foursomes, orgies are your thing then fair enough. If you haven't stood up and taken vows to each other.

And what about your children? Do you sell them a lie about your marriage or do you tell them their parents have other people involved in their relationship?

Ewwww, women aren’t sex objects

Suggest bringing in another man. He won't be that keen then.

A lot of women seem to not mind sharing their partner with another woman - and are even excited by the prospect of exploring their sexuality with her as well. I seriously doubt this would be the case if porn wasnt mainstream. In most set ups it’s primarily through the male gaze and sometimes only their cocks and lower bodies are even visible! The focus is the woman and fucking her vicariously through the onscreen cock, it’s almost virtual-reality-esque.

Women are now viewing it in far larger numbers as it has become almost non-taboo, with or without male partners, it’s no wonder they’re being influenced to find other women sexually attractive. It’s almost like social conditioning. Appreciate the sexualised female form in porn, music videos, mainstream tv shows, news articles, celebrity pictures etc.

As always it’s usually the men who profit and ultimately benefit the most .

Ewwww, women aren’t sex objects

Exactly. The way the other woman is talked about in these scenarios is grim, like they are some service human to titillate the wife and re-ignite the spark for the husband. No passion, no chemistry, no personality, no emotions - just 'where can I source a willing third party.'

I'd prefer a maths lesson tbh 😂

The voting is pretty clear

Who are you, the kink police? What’s he meant to do, pretend he’s into looking at other men’s cocks when he’s not? Nobody can help what does/doesn’t turn them on. It’s hardly unreasonable for a straight man not to want to get up close and personal with another man’s cock, is it? It’s not like @notanotherdad is actually trying to persuade his wife to do anything with another woman; he just said he’d be open to it if she suggested it.

Everyone’s got their own boundaries. Personally, I’ve frequently fantasised about a threesome with two men, but as a straight woman I wouldn’t want another woman anywhere near me or my partner in bed, so I’m certainly not going to judge men for not wanting to do the equivalent of something I wouldn’t do. Women who are keen on the idea of sex with other women as well as with men are bisexual and I don’t see what the problem is with their husbands being happy to indulge that.

Mumsnet is so, so weird and so bizarrely judgemental about other people’s sex lives and sexual preferences.

Orgies are different to threesomes involving one man and two women. They usually involve everybody, that’s what an orgy (typically) is 😂

Also, you’re talking about a notoriously hedonistic period in a specific place thousands of years ago - orgies/ threesomes haven’t been mainstream in Rome or anywhere else in the intervening years have they?

Even in the swinging sixties it was something that took place ‘behind doors’ and was very much viewed as depraved and/or strictly for the arty/celeb types - not for the likes of us. It wasn’t socially acceptable. Now ppl aren’t afraid to say they’ve had a threesome or other types of group sex, or viewed porn, or are on Only Fans… Often they get ‘cool points’, or, if they’re a woman especially, a hand clap for being so positive regarding their sexuality etc.

Are you trying to say this doesn’t coincide with the mainstreamification of porn?