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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend not ejaculating

129 replies

Annabell2025 · 31/01/2025 14:38

Hello, I am a new member here and very desperate to be honest. I have been with my boyfriend a year now. My boyfriend can NOT ejaculate during intercourse at all. We have been trying for a year and nothing. We are trying for a baby and having to use a cup/syringe method which is a desperate measure.

When he masturbates he can come. I have no idea what to do anymore. I told him to go to therapy, but it is doing nothing. I have never encountered a problem like this before, which would be so significant. He had only managed to come once, the second time we had sex.

Another issue is that for the first 6 months of our relationship he has not even tried to satisfy me once. never asked me if I had an orgasm, what I like, am I enjoying myself. I thought I'd give him time, to work on his 'problem' but after 6 months of being totally ignored in bed I was so frustrated sexually that I confronted him very directly. He had absolutely no answer, a blank stare, when I asked him about my pleasure. I was fuming internally.

He is a good guy but tbh I have totally lost any sexual interest in him. I had great lovers in the past and this sex is a disaster for me. I know this is not his fault but I do not know what to do anymore. I am totally resigned. He says he is not masturbating a lot. Did anyone had experiences like this with their partner?

OP posts:
GarrynotsoGorilla · 31/01/2025 14:41

My gut feel is either he is lying about masturbation, has some physical or psychological issue. I was going to suggest performance anxiety preventing him ejaculating however what you have said about his care for your pleasure kind of rules it out. Find someone who cares about your pleasure and enjoy an important part of a relationship again!

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2025 14:43

Why are you totally resigned to unsatisfactory sex for the rest of your life rather than walking away?

User990 · 31/01/2025 14:44

Is that a life you want sexually going forward? You don't have ties yet with him.

AlexandrinaH · 31/01/2025 14:45

It sounds very rushed for trying for a baby. You’ve been together for a year and have been trying for a year?

Maybe he should talk to his GP, if he’s willing?

In any case, he sounds very selfish if he’s not interested in your needs. Or maybe he’s very inexperienced? Still, he could ask!

Edit: I think I may have misread your OP and you’ve not been trying for a baby since you’ve been together. Sorry!

username299 · 31/01/2025 14:45

You barely know him and you're trying to have a baby with him.

Who knows why he can't ejaculate? Some men have fetishes, some watch a lot of porn, for some it's psychological. It's his problem to fix.

He's a selfish arsehole OP and his behaviour in bed is who he is; selfish. Don't have a child with a man who couldn't care less about your needs.

BobbyBiscuits · 31/01/2025 14:45

So would he be able to remain hard, give you orgasms etc until you're satisfied, then pull out and just wank himself to climax? If so that's not the worst thing in the world. Unless you are trying for a kid. But you can probably 'train' it so he's using his hand for a bit and then at the last moment he puts it back in again? It would take practice, but I can't see what else you can do really.

littleluncheon · 31/01/2025 14:47

Why do you want a baby with a boyfriend of just a year? That's crazy, you aren't even happy in the relationship.
You can go to a clinic for sperm.

yeesh · 31/01/2025 14:49

Why on earth are you trying for a baby so soon into this shit relationship? He doesn’t care about your pleasure and neither of you can make each other cum. Madness

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2025 14:50

So you started trying for a baby with a guy you barely know, within weeks of dating, he doesn’t satisfy you in bed and he can only come by wanking - as they say on here frequently OP , give your head a wobble.

Why on earth are you contemplating bringing a child into the world with a random bloke you dont enjoy shagging?

This can’t be real surely

HermioneWeasley · 31/01/2025 14:51

Why do you think it’s a good idea to have a baby with him?

thank your lucky stars you haven’t got pregnant by him and move on

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 31/01/2025 14:53

I wouldn't be putting a baby into that mix OP. Babies are wonderful, but they tend to amplify every little problem/irritation/frustration in a relationship in my experience, and this doesn't sound like a little problem.

category12 · 31/01/2025 14:55

Is this a wind up?

Why on earth are you trying to conceive with a boyfriend of a year?

Why are you trying to tie yourself to a man who can't be arsed to try to give you pleasure in bed?

Madness

vodkaredbullgirl · 31/01/2025 14:56

category12 · 31/01/2025 14:55

Is this a wind up?

Why on earth are you trying to conceive with a boyfriend of a year?

Why are you trying to tie yourself to a man who can't be arsed to try to give you pleasure in bed?

Madness

Quite

Wishimaywishimight · 31/01/2025 14:57

I would not be trying for a baby until this issue is resolved. Can you see yourself putting up with this for the rest of your life?

nightmarepickle2025 · 31/01/2025 14:57

Why on earth are you trying for a baby with him? Too soon and you don't want bad sex for the rest of your life.

SnoopysHoose · 31/01/2025 15:01

And again another woman walking into a miserable existence.
It's been 12 months, just dump him, he sounds completely disinterested and you seem desperate.

Lavender14 · 31/01/2025 15:06

Op your timeline isn't making sense, as others have pointed out you've been with your bf a year but also trying for a baby with him for a year?

I'm sorry but why are you pushing so hard in a relationship which isn't meeting your needs and where your pleasure etc isn't being considered? This all sounds really unhealthy.

My honest advice is stop trying for a baby. Your bf needs to go to the gp to discuss these issues. You need to address the problems in your relationship and if you can't then you walk away.

I had a similar issue with my ex and it turned out he was covering up a massive porn issue and was cheating on me.

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2025 15:07

Hmmm call me cynical but

  • new member ✅
  • Controversial scenario ✅
  • Posters all share unanimous opinion ✅
  • OP doesn’t come back ✅
Paganpentacle · 31/01/2025 15:10

So... why are you trying to have a baby with this man?

Henbags · 31/01/2025 15:49

Why are you trying to have a baby with him?!

BuoyOhBuoy · 31/01/2025 16:15

If this is a wind up, you're an idiot.

If this is not a wind up, you're an idiot.

namechangeGOT · 31/01/2025 16:36

Why are you trying to have a baby with a man you've only been with for a year and one whose shit in bed and selfish with it?

Nah.

Meadowfinch · 31/01/2025 16:41

namechangeGOT · 31/01/2025 16:36

Why are you trying to have a baby with a man you've only been with for a year and one whose shit in bed and selfish with it?

Nah.

This. Stop trying, Go and find someone with whom you are compatible.

chickenlettuceunderbacon · 31/01/2025 16:51

I had a boyfriend who could not climax during penetrative sex due to a fear of getting me pregnant. I wonder if your boyfriend has this fear albeit subconsciously.

This is all by the by though. Why the hell are you still with someone who has no interest in your sexual pleasure? Not only that, why are you trying to conceive with him?

The mind boggles.

WallaceinAnderland · 31/01/2025 17:00

Why do you want a baby with him if the relationship is doomed? Seems rather unfair on the child.

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