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Original poster

Boyfriend not ejaculating

129 replies

Annabell2025 · 31/01/2025 14:38

Hello, I am a new member here and very desperate to be honest. I have been with my boyfriend a year now. My boyfriend can NOT ejaculate during intercourse at all. We have been trying for a year and nothing. We are trying for a baby and having to use a cup/syringe method which is a desperate measure.

When he masturbates he can come. I have no idea what to do anymore. I told him to go to therapy, but it is doing nothing. I have never encountered a problem like this before, which would be so significant. He had only managed to come once, the second time we had sex.

Another issue is that for the first 6 months of our relationship he has not even tried to satisfy me once. never asked me if I had an orgasm, what I like, am I enjoying myself. I thought I'd give him time, to work on his 'problem' but after 6 months of being totally ignored in bed I was so frustrated sexually that I confronted him very directly. He had absolutely no answer, a blank stare, when I asked him about my pleasure. I was fuming internally.

He is a good guy but tbh I have totally lost any sexual interest in him. I had great lovers in the past and this sex is a disaster for me. I know this is not his fault but I do not know what to do anymore. I am totally resigned. He says he is not masturbating a lot. Did anyone had experiences like this with their partner?

OP posts:
okydokethen · 31/01/2025 17:08

Eeesh use this as an opportunity get out, don't have a baby with him!

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 31/01/2025 17:16

WHY are so many women ready to accept this. You've been with him a year and are self inseminating? Mental.

Original poster
Annabell2025 · 31/01/2025 18:22

Thank you all for replies.. so we've been trying for 6 months for a child. The reason is rushed is that I'm 40 already. Don't have years to wait. Apart of sex life disasters he's a nice guy and caring and we get on very well. I know not every relationship is perfect and I am trying to find ways to make this better rather then dump him right away. I told him to go to therapy, I told him stop watching porn and wank, I said change diet, do some yoga to relax yourself. Nothing is working so I'm so fed up and frustrated. I'm trying to find ways to 'fix' him bit I've run out of ideas...

OP posts:
Original poster
Annabell2025 · 31/01/2025 18:26

Yes he can remain hard, has no issues with erection, he just can't ehaculate inside me no matter what we do. And he's lying he did, pretending it happened when I clearly know it didn't. I mean surely one would know if they had orgasm or not!

OP posts:
KitsyWitsy · 31/01/2025 18:28

I don’t know what it’s like to be 40 and have no children/want them but I do know that it’s still madness to have a child with a man like the one you describe who you also can barely know! Get rid of him and use a sperm donor. It will be less frustrating.

Namechangetheyarewatching · 31/01/2025 18:28

Sorry but why the fuck are you having a baby with a man you have been seeing for a year and who doesn't even care about your sexual needs..

category12 · 31/01/2025 18:31

I know you're under the cosh in terms of biological clock - but it sounds like you're settling in a huge way and already lost/losing respect for him.

A sperm donor does seem like a better option tbh.

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2025 18:34

I can understand your biological clock ticking loudly but you’re wasting time on this one who can’t cum and is shit in bed.

You'd be better with a sperm donor than attaching yourself to him for at least 18 years

JustAskingThisQ · 31/01/2025 18:36

He's used to a death grip to ejaculate that can't be replicated by genitals or a mouth.

WeeOrcadian · 31/01/2025 18:40

NRTFT

Why are you trying for a baby with someone who doesn't make you happy and doesn't ensure you're fulfilled?

You're bonkers if you continue OP, he doesn't give a shit

Couldbysunny · 31/01/2025 18:41

Stop trying to have a baby with him and leave!! Why on earth are you doing this? You want this to be years of your life?
You are sexually incompatible. That's the bottom line. He's not likely to change if you had to confront him after six months of no attempt to make you cum! He obviously doesn't really care about sex that much. He's not sexually connected to you. He's not aroused by arousing you. This isn't something you can remedy.
Please get out if this situation because you will have a miserable life. Whatever is wrong with him he needs to really want to change it and do that work himself.
You are just letting him coast along. I hope you realise this and leave.

BingoDingoDog · 31/01/2025 19:00

Thank you all for replies.. so we've been trying for 6 months for a child. The reason is rushed is that I'm 40 already.

I understand the pressure to have a baby but choosing your babies father is one of the most important things you can do for a child. He sounds selfish.

Hankunamatata · 31/01/2025 19:23

Life too short for someone who has no i terst in pleasing you in bed. You would be better with a sperm donor

Original poster
Annabell2025 · 31/01/2025 20:06

I want to say that he is a good person and we like each other's company. He is saying he's trying to work on his problem... but it's been a year and I've lost hope this is going to get better. I did say to him and send him research about death grip and he denied this said when he masturbates he does it softly.. but I do think this is probably the reason. He's addicted to the feeling of his hand and no vagina can mimic this. So this is hopeless case I guess... 😕

OP posts:
littleluncheon · 31/01/2025 20:06

Have a baby on your own.

2025willbemytime · 31/01/2025 20:08

What the hell are you doing?

You started trying for a baby as soon as you met, he doesn't care about your satisfaction and he can't ejaculate.

Horationor · 31/01/2025 20:11

Is he on anti depressants?
There is a condition called delayed ejaculation which can be caused by them.

Quinlan · 31/01/2025 20:14

What are you doing? Sorry but no, just no. You really shouldn’t be having a child.
This is a new boyfriend. New. It’s only been a year, you’re not compatible in bed, he sound a bit gormless if he just sat there with a blank stare when you tried to discuss your pleasure. And you’re there continuing to try and get pregnant.

I’m sorry that you’re 40 without a kid and this really is a desperate only option rather than an actual choice with a man you want but… it’s the wrong choice. And you really have to think if a child in these circumstances is a good idea, not just for you but also for the child. Some people don’t get to have children because it just never worked out that way…

MayaPinion · 31/01/2025 20:16

A year is a long time to put up with crap sex. I’m guessing too much porn. Man does nothing and lasts for ages. Woman does everything and doesn’t even get an orgasm out of it.

Icanttakethisanymore · 31/01/2025 20:17

None if this sounds good tbh but if you’re determined to have his kid, surely he just needs to stop wanking? Eventually he’ll ejaculate from intercourse. Have you discussed this as a strategy? Does he actually want a child?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/01/2025 20:20

This is not a relationship you should be in let alone be trying for a child. At 40 your likeihood of conceiving is very limited. You are not some rehab centre for this man either.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/01/2025 20:24

And being a rescuer, saviour or fixer in a relationship never works.

TheLurpackYears · 31/01/2025 20:27

I recommend stop trying to conceive with this man. Mother hood is a hard slog and good sex should be available when you have the time and energy. It's pretty joyless without.

Waggytail · 31/01/2025 20:31

DON'T HAVE A BABY WITH THIS MAN.

Original poster
Annabell2025 · 31/01/2025 20:35

We've discussed things many many times.. he really wants to have a child and so do I. And he's a good man and I know he'll be a good father. Bit yes, it's been so far only me to trying to 'rescue' the situation.. I had to encourage him to go to therapy, I had to bring up porn and death grip, I have to bring up every conversation and he just follows. He's a weak man and I am a very strong woman. I know everybody is different and I'm not judging him but all of this gets to me. I'd really just like to understand this problem and I'm doing all the research and everything but I just can't wrap my head around it. He is very fit and doesn't take any meds. He doesn't have any health conditions.

OP posts:
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