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Original poster

Boyfriend not ejaculating

129 replies

Annabell2025 · 31/01/2025 14:38

Hello, I am a new member here and very desperate to be honest. I have been with my boyfriend a year now. My boyfriend can NOT ejaculate during intercourse at all. We have been trying for a year and nothing. We are trying for a baby and having to use a cup/syringe method which is a desperate measure.

When he masturbates he can come. I have no idea what to do anymore. I told him to go to therapy, but it is doing nothing. I have never encountered a problem like this before, which would be so significant. He had only managed to come once, the second time we had sex.

Another issue is that for the first 6 months of our relationship he has not even tried to satisfy me once. never asked me if I had an orgasm, what I like, am I enjoying myself. I thought I'd give him time, to work on his 'problem' but after 6 months of being totally ignored in bed I was so frustrated sexually that I confronted him very directly. He had absolutely no answer, a blank stare, when I asked him about my pleasure. I was fuming internally.

He is a good guy but tbh I have totally lost any sexual interest in him. I had great lovers in the past and this sex is a disaster for me. I know this is not his fault but I do not know what to do anymore. I am totally resigned. He says he is not masturbating a lot. Did anyone had experiences like this with their partner?

OP posts:
Baubletinseltree · 31/01/2025 20:41

do you plan to stay with him and bring up this child together? You will end up frustrated, resentful or cheating on him. Are you scared to be a single parent via a donor and just want anyone half decent there as a father?

Fiery30 · 31/01/2025 20:57

It seems that you are trying to convince yourself that your sexual needs don't matter and that he is actually a good man. Being a good person and a caring partner are not necessarily exclusive. You said he doesn't care much about your sexual needs, which is also a sign that he is selfish. What happens if and when you have a child with him? Are you going to resign to a life of sexual frustration? How have his sexual life been so far? How exactly has he been working on it? He has to be transparent about it. What does the GP say, is there is an underlying medical cause?

SmolTrashPanda · 31/01/2025 20:58

He's pornsick. You can do better.

Haffiana · 31/01/2025 21:12

If it never occurred to him to give his partner pleasure why on earth do you think he will be a good father to a child?

He sounds unable to really comprehend the needs/wants of anyone else. I suspect he will be a well-meaning but absolutely awful, emotionally absent parent.

You have not worked this out yet because you have not been with him long enough and you still imagine you can fix him.

KitsyWitsy · 31/01/2025 22:27

He’s not a good man. He doesn’t care about you in bed and he won’t care when you’re knackered and pregnant or struggling with a baby either.

pompey38 · 31/01/2025 22:34

Annabell2025 · 31/01/2025 14:38

Hello, I am a new member here and very desperate to be honest. I have been with my boyfriend a year now. My boyfriend can NOT ejaculate during intercourse at all. We have been trying for a year and nothing. We are trying for a baby and having to use a cup/syringe method which is a desperate measure.

When he masturbates he can come. I have no idea what to do anymore. I told him to go to therapy, but it is doing nothing. I have never encountered a problem like this before, which would be so significant. He had only managed to come once, the second time we had sex.

Another issue is that for the first 6 months of our relationship he has not even tried to satisfy me once. never asked me if I had an orgasm, what I like, am I enjoying myself. I thought I'd give him time, to work on his 'problem' but after 6 months of being totally ignored in bed I was so frustrated sexually that I confronted him very directly. He had absolutely no answer, a blank stare, when I asked him about my pleasure. I was fuming internally.

He is a good guy but tbh I have totally lost any sexual interest in him. I had great lovers in the past and this sex is a disaster for me. I know this is not his fault but I do not know what to do anymore. I am totally resigned. He says he is not masturbating a lot. Did anyone had experiences like this with their partner?

And you want a child with him? 😂

BellissimoGecko · 31/01/2025 22:46

Why on earth are you trying for a baby after being with this bloke a year?? That's no time at all.

He can't even come inside you.

Do you even want to be with him?? This is not your issue to overcome; it's his.

BellissimoGecko · 31/01/2025 22:47

Read the rest of your post. So he's shit in bed? Doesn't care shoot your satisfaction? Why are you still with him?! Relationships shouldn't be this difficult.

prlofty · 31/01/2025 22:49

I think whether it’s a good idea or not has been covered.

So the practicalities:
Make sure that you are lubed, if you aren’t having sex beforehand.
He can work himself to the edge, plunge in - couple of strokes and pop.
It’s not very romantic but it works. I would suggest that you have your own stimulation so that you are as close to orgasm as you can be to aid the process.

Parky04 · 31/01/2025 22:51

Fuck me. Surely, no one believes this is genuine!

SpringBunnyHopHop · 31/01/2025 22:54

My ex couldn’t either but when we talked about it he would just say he’s always been like that.

He was never selfish though.

Bionicman · 31/01/2025 23:11

Pretty sure this is a fake post, but for the slim chance it might not be and the benefit of others, I’ll chuck in my two pennies worth.

assuming he can orgasm and it’s the lack of ejaculation that’s the issue. He likely has retrograde ejaculation. If he has RE then he won’t be able to cum whilst masturbating either.

it has nothing to do with porn use, and is due to the nerve muscles which should contract during an orgasm but they don’t so his swimmers will go into his bladder instead.

He will know this, he will have seen a protist, almost certainly and he is just stringing you along.

you, on the other hand, seem to want a baby so desperately you don’t really care who it’s with and your self worth is incredibly low. Or, he’s so loaded you are seeing ££££££££

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 31/01/2025 23:16

Leave him. He's not the man for you.
Find someone who does put you first.

NameChanges123 · 31/01/2025 23:27

"I told him stop watching porn and wank"

Well, this is probably the root of the problem! Watching porn and wanking is probably the only thing he can do.

And he isn't the slightest bit interested in your satisfaction - don't put up with it.

I think you're going to end up in a bad situation with this guy. You don't know him properly yet and there's already a big issue. Just don't have a baby with him.

Catoo · 01/02/2025 01:00

Sounds like you’re rushing into having a baby with him just because you are 40.

I find it hard to understand how you can feel so close to this man who hasn’t even tried to give you an orgasm. Not one in a whole year? And he just said nothing when you mentioned it? He didn’t even say he would try? And he wanks so much he’s ruined sex for himself.

I think it’s time to move on personally, but if you stay with him for heavens sake teach him how to get you off! Maybe it will turn him on and he’ll get there with you!

BingoDingoDog · 01/02/2025 03:38

He's a weak man and I am a very strong woman

This does not sound like a relationship to have a child. Why would you saddle a child with a weak selfish man.

H112 · 01/02/2025 03:48
  1. GP should know about this so he can get assessed
  1. Why are you trying to get pregnant with someone you know one year.. how irresponsible
Phthia · 01/02/2025 04:07

The idea of trying to have a child with a weak man who you don't seem to love or respect and who doesn't care about your sexual satisfaction is mad. Please have some self respect and move on.

mightymam · 01/02/2025 04:30

Walk. The. Fuck. Away.

creamsnugjumper · 01/02/2025 04:36

Maybe he's stoping himself as he doesn't want a baby? It's way too soon.

CarnivorousHipPain · 01/02/2025 04:40

Some guys are just like that. It's not a puzzle to be solved. It's not realistic that 100% of men can finish through penetration.

Longingforspringtime · 01/02/2025 05:12

I was briefly married to a man who couldn't come. Turns out that he could with his boyfriend I knew nothing about.

jubs15 · 01/02/2025 09:09

Annabell2025 · 31/01/2025 18:26

Yes he can remain hard, has no issues with erection, he just can't ehaculate inside me no matter what we do. And he's lying he did, pretending it happened when I clearly know it didn't. I mean surely one would know if they had orgasm or not!

Other than the baby wishes, your situation is very similar to mine. I know my boyfriend built up a porn habit from being single for 4 years and, despite me talking to him about its effect on our relationship, he's not slowed down because he hardly ever cums through sex either. One time he told me he had cum, but he remained hard afterwards and there was no 'evidence' whatsoever.

I think habitual porn use has convinced my boyfriend that I should orgasm within a minute, no matter what he is or isn't doing. My body just doesn't work like that. The irony is that he told me complained I had taken 45 minutes trying to cum (which wasn't true), yet he takes longer, if he cums at all.

Unless your partner has performance anxiety or subconsciously doesn't want to have a baby, his porn use might be the answer to all the problems you're having. I dug out some statistics about 'real' sex for my boyfriend, to try and demonstrate that it is perfectly normal to need clitoral stimulation etc. Definitely sit him down for an honest talk about how the bedroom problems are making you feel. If he cares enough about you, he should want to do something about it. Maybe taking the focus off of having a baby and concentrating on showing him how to give you pleasure would be a good start.

anon2022anon · 01/02/2025 09:14

If he's a good man, why isn't he trying to make you happy in bed? You said you've raised it, things haven't changed, why?
Your happiness is just as important as his. The rest of your life is pretty long to have shitty sex, and I can promise you now that sex lives don't improve when babies are added to the mix!
Focus on sorting out that bit first, let him prove to you he's not a selfish wanker.

Glorybox2025 · 01/02/2025 09:27

I assume you're thinking more about 'having a child' than having HIS child because you must know that trying for a baby after 6 months with a man who is a crap shag is a very poor decision.

To answer your actual question, this isn't uncommon. My DH rarely ejaculates during sex, having to finish off manually after. It's nothing to do with too much masturbation, for him it's having trained himself over long years of marriage (to ex wife) to wait until she was ready. I don't mind at all because it makes him a very satisfying lover. Your bloke however sounds absolutely useless.