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Original poster

Boyfriend not ejaculating

129 replies

Annabell2025 · 31/01/2025 14:38

Hello, I am a new member here and very desperate to be honest. I have been with my boyfriend a year now. My boyfriend can NOT ejaculate during intercourse at all. We have been trying for a year and nothing. We are trying for a baby and having to use a cup/syringe method which is a desperate measure.

When he masturbates he can come. I have no idea what to do anymore. I told him to go to therapy, but it is doing nothing. I have never encountered a problem like this before, which would be so significant. He had only managed to come once, the second time we had sex.

Another issue is that for the first 6 months of our relationship he has not even tried to satisfy me once. never asked me if I had an orgasm, what I like, am I enjoying myself. I thought I'd give him time, to work on his 'problem' but after 6 months of being totally ignored in bed I was so frustrated sexually that I confronted him very directly. He had absolutely no answer, a blank stare, when I asked him about my pleasure. I was fuming internally.

He is a good guy but tbh I have totally lost any sexual interest in him. I had great lovers in the past and this sex is a disaster for me. I know this is not his fault but I do not know what to do anymore. I am totally resigned. He says he is not masturbating a lot. Did anyone had experiences like this with their partner?

OP posts:
LittleEar · 01/02/2025 11:49

He doesn’t care if you enjoy sex. He’s never going to change. This man is selfish.

Are you going to be content with no sex life while he jerks it to porn?

thehorsesareallidiots · 01/02/2025 12:00

Another thing to bear in mind: since he is weak, he'll be avoidant. He won't like being bossed by you and made to feel inferior. He won't like you being (rightfully) resentful. And he won't like or be arsed with meeting the bottomless needs of a child. But he isn't adult enough to manage or express those feelings, so he'll act out instead, or quite possibly cheat and fuck off with someone who (temporarily) makes him feel like a big man and probably not bother with his DC again.

Flopsythebunny · 01/02/2025 12:09

Stop trying for a baby with this man. For goodness sake, where is your common sense?

Original poster
Annabell2025 · 01/02/2025 12:10

Yeah, well im not trying to boss him around but tbh I think I've reached such a frustration point that I just blow up as everything I asked him politely it's like talking to a wall so I have enough of it and I make it clear. When he comes to my place he dumps his jeans socks and all clothes wherever on the ground. I asked him if this is something he things is polite and if this is an example he'll be giving to our child. He said no. Then again it happened three more times so finally I blew up, took those clothes and threw it into the wall shouting that he's right now going back home if this is the way he's gonna behave, I lost it, about such a small thing but I was just boiling inside. I'm not agressive person and later I felt bad but for God's sake I just couldn't deal with this anymore. Now I feel bad.

OP posts:
Flopsythebunny · 01/02/2025 12:16

Annabell2025 · 01/02/2025 10:42

Nom I have not suddenly decide I want to have a baby. I've been hoping for this for the last 5 years and unfortunately I've been very unlucky with relationships. I've been very proactive trying to go out on dates, not getting discouraged with failures but wasn't able to meet a committed person. This did put me into an upset state. I have organised my life already thinking about a child, work commitments, time off work for the child, financial needs, etc. And we are on the same page with wanting a child. He's 44.
I am sorry if this sounded harsh that I've called him weak but I am simply stating the facts. How can you call a man who isn't proactive, is scared and lazy about everything, has no savings although earns 40k, can't think of future and child's education, can't plan, can't organise anything and only follows what I say. It was me who told him try therapy, me organising holidays, me planning and thinking about everything. That's very imbalanced. I'm happy to do things, I'm proactive and like organising things, I'm not controlling but I simply take charge of my life. I did blow up a couple of times saying Frim tomorrow um on holidays and I'm lifting my finger, you'll be in charge of everything as honestly all of this left me so exhausted. I already feel like he's a child and in my eyes that's not a strong man. I don't really want to have a child on my own, always thought both parents would be better, more support etc.

Why would you want your child to have the genes of uch a weak specimen. You don't procreate with the runt otherwise you end up with a runt

namechangeGOT · 01/02/2025 12:17

I'm out of this with advice.

You're not going to do anything about it, you're actively planning on gifting a child a shit dad, knowing full well that he won't give a shit about them and you're going to do it to them anyway. It's entirely different from finding out he's a shit dad after the baby is here. That's despicable. Good luck to you.

category12 · 01/02/2025 12:40

Annabell2025 · 01/02/2025 12:10

Yeah, well im not trying to boss him around but tbh I think I've reached such a frustration point that I just blow up as everything I asked him politely it's like talking to a wall so I have enough of it and I make it clear. When he comes to my place he dumps his jeans socks and all clothes wherever on the ground. I asked him if this is something he things is polite and if this is an example he'll be giving to our child. He said no. Then again it happened three more times so finally I blew up, took those clothes and threw it into the wall shouting that he's right now going back home if this is the way he's gonna behave, I lost it, about such a small thing but I was just boiling inside. I'm not agressive person and later I felt bad but for God's sake I just couldn't deal with this anymore. Now I feel bad.

You will make each other miserable. You're not suited.

You just want a baby.

Original poster
Annabell2025 · 01/02/2025 15:01

Honestly guys, there is so much judgement here, except a couple of understanding and actually productive comments when I'm sharing my personal stuff and actually trying to figure things out, beyond my understanding that's how other women relate to others. Thanks for nasty comments, you don't know me, how dare you judge me. Was a pointless idea to even join this forum. Good luck to those of you with such a nasty attitude and thanks to those that gave some productive comments.

OP posts:
SnoopysHoose · 01/02/2025 15:09

@Annabell2025
Every single poster has advised you to leave this man & yet you're now enraged that nobody will back you up.
You have described a complete selfish waster of a man who you've known a year , do you really think he'll be a good dad?
It's not anyone being nasty it is other women telling you the truth, you're setting yourself up for a life of sadness, frustration and disappointment and the same for a child.

thehorsesareallidiots · 01/02/2025 15:41

What did you think we'd say? What kind of people watch a train wreck in progress and go 'looks good, see if you can go faster!'?

PermanentTemporary · 01/02/2025 15:51

Something I've occasionally done as a mental exercise is think about a reverse thread. They're never popular here so I haven't actually posted any. But imagine if your partner were going to post here, what thread would he write? It has made me feel more sympathetic.

I do have a friend who effectively settled with someone as a co-parent about 14 years ago. I don't know if he knows that her closest friends have all heard about their disastrous sex life. They used IVF i think in the end. It has to be said that they are lovely co-parents, dote on their child, get on well, and as time goes by they seem to be getting closer and closer. Companionate marriage is a real thing. It helps that they are both really nice to each other.

Like everyone else I think you need to step back. If your priority is having a child, there are ways to do that without living with a man who frankly seems to bring out the worst in you. Perhaps if you let go of having to have a sexual relationship with him you might get on better? And them think if you are really more than friends at all.

category12 · 01/02/2025 15:55

We're only responding to the picture you've painted.

I can see that you feel you have to make it work at all costs for the sake of your biological clock, but you're already screaming and throwing things. It's not a healthy relationship to bring a child into.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 01/02/2025 16:17

NotaCoolMum · 01/02/2025 10:17

I cannot stress this enough- DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS MAN.

I second this!! He's not only crap in bed, he doesn't even care that he's not satisfying.

I had an ex like this in my 20s, we didn't get as far as trying for a baby, but we did talk about having kids in the future and how we'd manage it. I seem to remember we decided on him wanking until he was about to cum, then shoving it in. Jesus, how demoralizing that have been. Probably the same as you having to syringe his semen into yourself.

Please, please start respecting yourself a bit more and end this car crash if a relationship. And don't say he's otherwise a great partner - HE'S A SELFISH LOVER, he's NOT a great, good, or even OK partner.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 01/02/2025 16:25

thehorsesareallidiots · 01/02/2025 10:43

Woman, have some fucking pride. This is a selfish lazy loser and that you're even entertaining having a baby with him is clearly an act of madness and desperation. You will carry him your whole life, or at least until the resentment gets too much and you sack him off.

Doing it on your own would be way, way easier than this. Dump him and buy some sperm.

👏🏼 exactly this.

AuntieMatter · 01/02/2025 16:32

Well don't tie yourself to a life of crsp sex someone you regard as weak.

Assuming you are going to ignore that, suggest he goes cold turkey on wanking and porn. He can reset his responses by only orgasming through sex (for now). He would need to value your sex life to agree to this, however.

BumpandBounce · 01/02/2025 17:06

You say he wants a baby and he’ll be a great dad. But that’s clearly not right. Do you honestly think a lazy man who leaves his clothes on the floor is going to help look after a child?

I know you think it’ll be easier to raise a baby with both of you around but you really are setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and resentment. You’d be better off going it alone. It’d be tough but at least you wouldn’t have a man child dragging you down.

BabCNesbitt · 01/02/2025 17:12

You’ve called him weak, lazy, a child, you’re already frustrated with him. This level of contempt for him will destroy your relationship eventually.

Tractorsanddiggers · 01/02/2025 17:21

Just imagine how much angrier and annoyed you will feel having to look after a baby as well when the situation now is bad enough. He doesn't respect you and absolutely wont change. This is the honey moon period.. It will get a lot worse not better. I can't see how this is in your or your potential baby's best interests. Try and look past the here and now as to how it will all look and think about what you really want. What life will you and the baby have?
You are trying to change him and people can't change, especially those who don't want to.
I've said on here before, choosing your baby's father is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Stick around on mumsnet for a bit and you will see why

Glorybox2025 · 01/02/2025 17:23

BabCNesbitt · 01/02/2025 17:12

You’ve called him weak, lazy, a child, you’re already frustrated with him. This level of contempt for him will destroy your relationship eventually.

Yes but she wants a baybayyyyyy at any cost!

wearyourpinkglove · 01/02/2025 17:44

You'd be better off getting pregnant via a sperm donor and dumping him

2025willbemytime · 01/02/2025 17:47

Why the fuck do you want to lumber your future child with a dad who is not up to the job? If he doesn't care about you he won't care about the child.

People are judging as you've both lost your minds. Screaming over clothes on the floor is bonkers.

You do know a baby is an actual person don't you? Not a toy or doll to fill a need in you.

2025willbemytime · 01/02/2025 20:52

@Annabell2025 since you have an issue with what I've said on a public thread, why not discuss it in public instead of sending me a private message?

MermaidEyes · 01/02/2025 20:59

Short of offering up the turkey baster, I'm not sure what other kind of advice people can give for a man who can't ejaculate inside you.

Nospunkforthisonly · 01/02/2025 21:16

OP, my boyfriend of 8 months struggles to ejaculate during sex. He’s 45 and has been on his own for 7 years. He’s a very skilled and unselfish lover and knowing how important it is for me to see him cum, led to him abstaining from wanking. Within two weeks he came through PIV.

The rest of your issues with him aren’t resolvable. I know that from settling with a shitty man and sticking with him for 20 years because I didn’t want and to be a single mom. Use a sperm donor.

monsterfish · 01/02/2025 21:29

The problem is not that he cannot ejaculate inside you but that he is not lifting a finger to try and fix the issue. Also you mention he has made no effort with you in bed. So either he is really in inexperienced (at 44) and just clueless as to how to handle all this or he really just does not care which is a worry. Either way not sure he is really father material if he cannot demonstrate some initiative to address this issue.

I suggest no more syringes - if he really does want to be a father he will start to sort this problem out. If he doesn't probably not the man to have a child with.

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