Is it time to tell my husband to find a proper job.

[Dutched]

My husband is a photographer who has struggled to get work for the last 5 years. He thinks it magically appears. I run my own marketing consultancy and have been the main earner for last 10 years (fine), I've been the sole earner for the last 5 years (minus the odd thing he's done). Everything he's advised to do for lead gen, he doesn't want to do. Or doesn't stick to it long enough for it to work. He hates social media, doesn't like networking. For the last 2 years he's been busy with love projects that have won international awards but never amount to any sales. We've just done an expensive house renovation and I'm at a point now where it's time to get a proper job. But when subject is raised it just causes arguments.

No harm in him still doing photography on the side and getting a decent paying stable job. He needs to wake up

I'm not sure what you can do unless you split up. He's happy with the status quo.

Depends. If it’s a hobby business that he’s pursuing whilst doing the bulk of the housework, household admin, childcare, pet care etc etc then maybe it’s ok because it makes your life a bit easier - practically if not financially.

But if he doesn’t bring much else to the party then he needs to get his act together, yes.

No money from it for 5 years?!?!

He’s not a professional photographer, he’s an unemployed bloke with photography as a hobby.

So he isn’t contributing anything? Does he cover his expenses?

FWIW on universal credit if you’re self employed they have to see that you’re able to pay yourself the minimum wage (you get 6 months or a year’s grace to build up your business) otherwise you have to get a job or they stop your UC. So it’s not unreasonable to ask him to do so after five years!

Furthermore as pp said, if he isn’t earning anything then he isn’t a professional photographer, he’s a man with a photography hobby and (currently) no job. Professional means you earn money for it and I think two years is a good long time to try and make it- beyond that and it starts taking the piss.

You haven't mentioned children or household balance.
If you're working full time in your well paid career, is he staying at home doing the school run, meal planning etc?

Agreed.

Though I think a PP made a good point about other household responsibilities and how he helps with those. Finances aren't necessarily the only worthwhile contribution to a household especially if you have young children.

If it’s just the two of you at home then I agree you’re just facilitating a nice life for him and he gets to mess around with a hobby.

How has this gone on for 5 years?

If it was me I would be giving him a deadline to get a job. And if he didn’t, I would divorce him before it gets too expensive to be able to buy him out etc.

@Circumferences we have a cleaner, he doesn’t even walk the dogs. Daughter is 22.

You’ve posted about this before, haven’t you?

In that case he's taking the piss.

🙄

Seriously yes he needs at least a part time earning job

This is familiar sounding, he needs job

Can you sit down with him and say that him not working (or not having a consistent income perhaps) is causing you to feel anxious and stressed about finances and an overreliance on your income? What happens if you were to get sick unexpectedly and cant work? Frame it more of the impact it has on you rather than he "should" be working, then see what he says for how this can be addressed - he'll have to say something to you being overwhelmed/stressed/anxious. If not, there's bigger problems.

So whilst he is fannying about with his non profitable hobby job, you’re putting in all the hours God saved working.

What sort of relationship example are you showing your DD?. What does she think of her dad and you for that matter?. She may well wonder of you why you are still with him
given that he does sweet fa.

Wedding and event photography can be quite lucrative. Why isn’t he doing some of that and then doing is artsy international awards stuff in his free time? That’s what I’d be telling him he needs to do. He has to pick 1 social media platform and post on it. For photography I’d go with Instagram. Then he can just post up his award winning pics and show off to get work. He should also go wedding shows and suchlike too.

This. Nail on head. Lol.

Get rid of the cleaner for a start!

What a freeloader.

Of course it causes arguments. I'd argue with you too of you tried to disrupt my nice, comfortable, happy-go-lucky existence.

Keep the cleaner, get rid of the cocklodger

Ha! Even better.

What did he do before?

You sound like a lone parent?

If you're married I'd be very wary he didn't get half your house if you split.

He's an absolute piss taker and you're a mug.

You're also enabling his uselessness.

MUG. Honestly speechless you’ve put up with this for more than a week.

Yes it is. While you're at it, ask him what are his retirement plans?