Is it time to tell my husband to find a proper job.

[Dutched]

My husband is a photographer who has struggled to get work for the last 5 years. He thinks it magically appears. I run my own marketing consultancy and have been the main earner for last 10 years (fine), I've been the sole earner for the last 5 years (minus the odd thing he's done). Everything he's advised to do for lead gen, he doesn't want to do. Or doesn't stick to it long enough for it to work. He hates social media, doesn't like networking. For the last 2 years he's been busy with love projects that have won international awards but never amount to any sales. We've just done an expensive house renovation and I'm at a point now where it's time to get a proper job. But when subject is raised it just causes arguments.

I think it’s time he fucked off and left you all in peace. He brings nothing to the table. He needs to go and grow up. I think you’ve done more than enough for him.

This really!

you’ve more patience than me OP!

What was he doing before the 5 years?

I’m about your age OP - when we started out, you could make a very good living as a snapper if you freelanced and worked say part time for a paper.

Now you can’t. iPhones and sm killed the job. I know people whose work is in the Nat Gall and they know they can’t, so awards don't help cash flow either.

Professionals are smart enough to know the game’s up. Have been for a decade.

DH needs to carry on at weekends and run a cafe or something.

We’re also too young to retire.

This is outrageous.

He needs to start stepping up

Not the time to tell him to get a proper job, 2021 was the time to tell him to get a proper job.

Oh dear, you really are patient. I remember when my ex went and bought the most expensive camera he could find and pronounced himself a photographer. He never earned a penny nor did he use the camera much, but this did not last very long. I would say that even a few months would be too much, but 10 years...

Like some of the posters pointed out, this is really not about him, but you. Do you want to stay with a person like this and for how much longer? Once you have answers to these questions, sit him down and tell him what you came up with.

Good luck OP. And btw, kudos to you for being such an amazing partner, mom and all around human being.💕

The money has moved to weddings mainly, although newborn shoots and small business branding shoots are good for top ups. I know several photographers who either run their own workshops to top up income, or sell digital products to other photographers like Photoshop actions, Lightroom presets, editing courses etc.

Can he produce an exhibition about his International Award winning work? Offer business cards and flyers at the exhibition.
Can he support a well know charity associated with the International Award topic and make some contacts? Do an interview etc that prompts people to look him up on-line and see a contact for work purposes.
Can he find work connected to the passionate topic that is not photography? Feeding the endangered animals at the Zoo, serving coffee to folk who visit endangered coastline etc.

Completing his Responsible Serving of Alcohol ticket and Barrista training would get him gigs. Pool Life Guarding is also a short training time and very useful for casual seasonal work.

Could he invest in his own business caravan? Serving wine and coffee, taking portraits (for cash) of people at festivals? New passions could arise in Anthropology studies - People at Festivals! People Relaxing! People at Play! People on the Beach! People Drinking! The Baby Cappuccino KIds!

He's actually retired and forgotten to tell you.
I would not be happy about this at all.

@Dutched I have experince of this with a family member who has sunk minimum 200k into business ventures including extremely expensive digital art. Sadly its almost like an addiction plus he doesn't do the most basic business planning or follow up. Its been very difficult to watch from the sidelines. You can tell your DH of course, but its likely he's attached emotionally to this hobby so disentangling him from the photography is going to be difficult.

How are you going to look back on your life OP, more importantly what are you teaching your daughter?

That having a useless man in your life is the be-all and end-all because that's all you deserve?

Life is great as a solo. I can do what I want, if I want, when I want and I get to keep all my own money for my pension.

Oh, and relationships come and go anyway in life.

Don't sell yourself short.

Also ask whether he would accept you or your daughter controlling a tasteful website to book photography gigs for him.
The site could advertise DH expertise and involvement in passionate area and show case some of his prints. (and some for sale in large format) A contact for bookings could allow him to accept the booking, discuss or decline the booking. You could print him a monthly list of booking requests

Oh ffs - so the poor OP should do his hobby job for him? Talk about wife work!

Yes, he's a cocklodger, and yes, he ought to get a proper job - or put his back into doing wedding photography or whatever.

But ... I hope you're proud of him for his international awards, OP. That's a great achievement. He must be a very good photographer.

Anyone else see the irony that OP runs a marketing consultancy, yet her husband can't get any work for his photography "business"?

No it isnt.

The time for that was 20 odd years ago when he needed to grow the fuck up and you needed to realise that you were being taken for a mug.

Why the hell are still with him? And please, ffs, dont say "But I love him and he is a good dad" Because he isnt, and if that is as high as you have set your bar.....well thats on you....

Oh and if, by some coincidence, his name is Alastair, you should have dumped him when he said he would be a SAHD and you somehow ended up paying the motgage, bills and childcare whilst he played at being an artist.....

My mate is a photographer but also does market and social research to get extra money. The shifts are flexible, so it works well with arts type jobs. Another mate of mine does acting and modelling and picks up these jobs also in between castings etc. Pay isn't amazing but it's work from home so that might be worth having a look at?

Yes,

He needs a shop or cafe job for a bit then. It would boost his confidence. That's what I did when I was starting out in my creative job. He needs to take the pressure off the design role.

Try to understand his passion for photography and why he believes that opportunities will come. Ask open-ended questions about his vision for his career. Offer to work together on lead generation strategies. Perhaps you can help him with marketing efforts in a way that feels less daunting to him https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5257736 five nights at freddy's

Or...he could pay his way and stop expecting his wife to fund his hobby.

I am surprised he's found zero work, even after the pandemic! My daughter wants to be a photographer but she knows she'll have to get a "proper job" alongside the type of photography she wants to do. She says it could be anything from being a photographer's assistant, to working in Snappy Snaps, just as long as she can try and sell photos as her real passion. Many other famous photographers have had proper jobs to make the bills.

A photographer is out all hours and travelling all over to take good photos. You have to sell yourself too. Is he even bothering to market his work?

I suspect CL here, and if he doesn't want to contribute AT ALL, I'd consider splitting up, tbh.

Why on earth have you allowed this to go on for 5 years. His hobby brings in no income. He needs an actual job that provides an income. Why on earth haven't you insisted before?

Does he do the cooking and household admin at least?