Is 42 too old for a baby?

[SmileWithStyle]

My partner (M30) and I (F42) have been together for two years. We live together with my two DC and have a great relationship. I'm a young 42 and he's very mature for 30. We meet in the middle. He's very caring, supportive and has shown me what a safe, secure relationship looks like. He's great with my children and would be a brilliant dad.
I came home from work a few weeks ago to find him sobbing. He loves me, but has decided that he'd like to be a father one day and have his own children.
We took some time apart, no contact, to think about what we want. I was blindsided by the news and thought our relationship was over. The week apart was really tough and I was very emotional at the prospect of breaking up with the man I love.
He came over last week, I was fully expecting the break up chat. He said that he loves me so much and would like us to try for a child. I'm open to the idea, but worried it might not happen for us.
Is 42 too old to start trying for a baby? We're financially secure and both have good jobs. His family are against the idea. My family are being very supportive about the idea.
My head is all over the place and I'm looking for some advice, success stories or kind words.

I have two friends who have had their first and second children after the age of 42. Fabulous and caring parents with their (younger) partners.

I've just turned 42 and if my husband hadn't had the snip I'd be nagging him for another. Which is totally irrational given that I haven't slept well in 6 years with our existing 2 kids! 42 is not too old, but it is hard and it is risky and it is less likely to be successful - and if it doesn't happen where does that leave you both? If having his own biological kids is something he needs in his life, sadly you are both better off separating.

It sounds like having a baby is something that you both would like.
But I wonder a little if your relationship is strong enough.
I can't imagine leaving your life's partner because you can't have a child with them.
When it looked like I might be in that situation leaving for a non existent dc sounded like madness.

He loves me, but has decided that he'd like to be a father one day and have his own children.

Apologies if I have missed this but does he want multiple children or would he be content with one?

I do know a couple of people who got pregnant at 42 but I also know lots of people who are that age or younger who have been unsuccessful. But if he wants 2 or 3 (in addition to the children you already have) then I doubt it would be possible it is likely to be too late to have more than one pregnancy.

You are living with a man after only two years with your young children.

I think you need to focus on them and not starting to conceive with a man 12 years younger who you are not married to.

What happens in a year if you don't conceive?

Do you break up and now your kids are more uprooted?

I really think you need to let him go and concentrate on you and your kids.

This is a very new relationship. Have you been through any negative life events he's had to step up for? You have to know he's going to be there or you're risking a lot of your actual children's future happiness.

Not too old - I had my son when I was heading for 45, by IVF. He's now almost 18 and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. If you decide to go for it then start trying immediately, get your hormones checked and be prepared that you may need fertility treatment. I wish you all the best whatever you decide

Would he be willing to be a father to your existing young children? Or does he require a genetic relationship?

Then do it. At 42 you should be well beyond caring what other people think. Be smart though, discuss how to raise the child, finances and who pays what, and what you agree to if you split up. I'd go so far as get legal advice and an agreement in writing. I say that based on the countless threads here about problems in blended families and the like. But, to answer your initial question: No, you are definitely NOT too old. Good luck! ☺️

Two years is new?

I work in HR and the team quite regularly process mat leave for women in their early 40s. Much more so than women in their 20s. These threads always surprise me because whilst more difficult to get pregnant it still seems quite common. I guess it depends if you actually want another baby or if you feel done. Don’t do it just to keep a man.

I am also 30 and even I feel the same. 42 is a bit too old for me

What if it was just an excuse to break up with you in a kind way? If your relationship was that great wouldn't he have told you that he changed his mind re: children ? Maybe it is over like you thought but he didn't want to hurt your feelings.
You caught him secretly crying? Sounds a bit dramatic and a set up.
Unless you are married I would think very hard about it.

Two years when you already have children is VERY new!

These aren't two twenty year olds with no responsibilities.

Moving in a man when you have kids is a huge risk to take. An unnecessary risk at that.

Not too old at all, I had my last baby just before I turned 42, and several friends between the ages of 40 and 44 had babies this year. None of them had any issues. I am the only one who did, due to clotting issues, gestational diabetes and a history of miscarriage due to the untreated clotting issue. None of us had any problems conceiving. If this is what you want then go for it and good luck x

All of this.

Don't rush into anything because you desperately want to keep him.

This needs a long hard think, from both of you. And consider the children you already have.

You are rushing this whole relationship and you are doing it for a man. From you OP it sounds like you come from a bad relationship with your kids man as this is the first time you have been in a safe and secure relationship. I’m surprised that you have moved in together so soon given that your kids are very young. You have already had a break, there is a 12 year age difference (always a complicating factor), he wants kids and given your age you have no time to actually think about it or see if this is a viable relationship.

Only have this child if you are willing to have it alone. He has already told you that you and your children aren’t enough for him. His tie to you isn’t strong enough.

I'm 37 and I just had my 3rd whoops baby!
There's a 5 year gap so my children are similar ages to yours and if you fell pregnant now there'd be a similar gap.
It works really well for me. I think that gap is great. My elder two dote on the baby.
I don't think 42 is too old.. particularly as your partner is younger. My DH was 42 when we had our first!
If you want a baby just go for it. It sounds like you are financially secure and have lots of support. Hopefully it will happen for you. Obviously it is harder to fall pregnant at 42 naturally than it is younger... however it's not uncommon, I know loads of women who've had babies in their 40s.

I tried at 42 and had a missed miscarriage followed by a termination for trisomy 21. It was a hard road and after that nothing and I gave up. It isn’t always easy, despite success stories.

I had a baby at 40, but not without a very difficult time. I already had a 3 year old and started trying for our second at 38. I knew I was older but I also felt young and healthy and naively thought because I had a child already with no issues that it meant the odds were in my favour. Where I live it's quite common to start families a bit older. I was completely blind sighted when they told me at a routine scan that the heartbeat had stopped. Even more so when it happened the next time, and again the next. I lost 3 babies in a year, saw countless consultants and cried myself to sleep most nights. Once you start that journey it's very hard to give up, I felt had to have a baby no matter what and would feel incomplete otherwise. So I was stuck in this cycle of heartbreak and loss after loss. I was one of the lucky ones, and after a year of hell and the right treatment i got pregnant with my rainbow baby and gave birth aged 40. My children are now 7 and 2, and the age gap is lovely for us. Having wrote all that, a good friend of mine had two children at 37 and 40 and had no real issues. You just don't know where the dice will land. I would say it's worth it, but just be prepared and discuss all eventualities together. If things are not straightforward it can be challenging on your relationship. It can also make you stronger together. Wishing you all the best whatever you decide.

I effortlessly had one at 40, another pal had hers at 41. I also know a woman who had her second at 47, by ivf.

I have four friends who had their first kids in their 40s- ranging from 41 to 44. All professional women who focused on their career first. Pregnancy wasn’t easy though and without complications even for the healthiest. So I think you need to decide whether you are prepared to try being well aware that it is not an easy road ahead.

better to be brought into a stable and loving home at 42 than the opposite at 25.

Of course, but that doesn't apply in this scenario. This is a relatively short relationship, they're not married, and they recently 'took some time apart' . I'm sure they're loving, but it's hardly stable.

What if you can't get pregnant, is trying enough for him? He was sobbing about being a father, sounds like something he really wants. Enough for you to think that the relationship was over.

This!