I have found out the man I have been seeing from Bumble is married

[PeachFawn]

Dear all,

i appreciate there will be divided views on this topic but I really want some advice/thoughts to think about.

I am going through a divorce and met a man on Bumble in May of last year. He lives abroad but comes relatively frequently to London for work. We hit it off instantly and we meet up for dates when he is in town and I’ve always had such a lovely and romantic time with him.

He told me he and his wife separated after she had an affair with a previous partner. Over time I had noticed that while I would occasionally mention my divorce, he really didn’t speak about his. Although he lives outside of Europe, he was using a UK number - he used to live in London so I put it down to a legacy thing.

Suddenly his number disappeared from WhatsApp and I didn’t hear from him for two months. Then suddenly I recieved a “like” on Bumble and realised it was him and he had created a new profile. It was largely the same but he had changed his age by 5 years. He messaged me and said he was in London, had lost his phone and contacts and didn’t know how else to get in touch. He gave me a new number which was also a UK number.

i found that really odd that he would get a new UK number when he doesn’t live in UK or Europe. Well a reverse image google search on a photo he sent me told me a lot. He doesn’t work where he said he did, he is married and has two children. Many recent photos with his wedding ring on. I am assuming he used a burner phone and buys UK SIM cards.

im utterly devastated. I was with my husband for 15 years and the divorce is horrible. The excitement and happiness this man brought me was what was keeping me going and now I feel like such a fool to realise he doesn’t care about me at all. I wasn’t under any illusions that we were going to get married but equally I liked him so much and thought he really cared for me.

I do want to confront him but I’m also contemplating getting in touch with his wife. I can only imagine how hard it will be for her to
hear but I know if it was me I’d want to know. I also feel that it may stop him from duping/catfishing other women if there is a consequence to his behaviour. He travels frequently globally for work so I’m sure there are other people like me in the picture.

thoufhts and advice please!

I would just block him and move on.

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon these days on old.

It really feels like you have to have completed a masterclass in forensics before embarking.

Block him. Delete any trace of him.

He probably picked up a vulnerability and milked it to a tee.

I would not put more energy into this, like contacting his wife. As awful as that is, do not waste any more energy on this cheating liar.

Delete and block him. All he cares about is his own self. He picked up on your vulnerability and sadness and took full advantage.

The last thing you need at this time is yet another relationship. Give yourself time and space in order to heal properly.

Block him and put it behind you. As much as I understand you wanting to confront him or tell his wife, unfortunately you’ll just end up wasting energy as he won’t care and he don’t stop

Don't give the creep anymore headspace.

Plaster THIS MAN IS A MARRIED, CHEATING ARSE all over his profile picture and then block.
Never speak to him again. Test for STIs.
If you really think his wife deserves to know (?) find a way to post her a copy of the profile page, with the caption included.

The more time you give to thinking about this man, the more fool you.

How many dates did you go on? He is on no social media?

By date 3 I know their brothers wife half sisters aunty's second cousins dog breeders place of work.

Someone telling me about my husband's affair saved my sanity. I would definitely tell her. I had a similar situation many years ago and didn't tell the woman, just ghosted the man, but now I've been on the other side of the picture I would always tell. It's up to her what she does with the info x

Agree! I’m very single but have a male friend who always get cat fished and I get him to send their phone number and picture and start my investigations.

sorry OP, It’s probs best to delete and move on but I would probably say something then block as I struggle to make peace if I can’t say my piece!

I would send screen shots to the wife. Then block him. His wife deserves to know. Expect a backlash, she might not believe you but that's the right thing to do. I would block her too after giving her a chance to ask questions if she wants to. All those saying don't waste your energy - wouldn't you want to know?

We went on probably 6 or 7 dates over the months, plus a weekend away together. We travelled separately to the destination so never got to see passport etc

he did give me the company name and a sir name but I now know these are false.

he does have social media - he sent me a photo a while back and when I put it into google it led me to a photo on Instagram. I found out his real name from that and that’s how I then found his LinkedIn and his profile on his companies’ website.

totally admit I’ve been stupid but it was my first dabble in online dating and unfortunately I trusted him. He’s a senior professional in his industry and I just thought he was someone with integrity.

Also he did speak loads about family etc and from what I can see from social media most of that is true (siblings, where he grew up etc).

I'd call him out then immediately block him so you don't have to hear his pathetic excuses. Don't contact his wife

Most women aren’t like you though. They usually stay with their cheating husbands and blame the other woman.

OP just block him and move on. There’s no point in telling his wife, it will achieve nothing.

Why is it the right thing for OP to do? This is only your opinion, not a black and white this is what she must do.

In my opinion, she would be better off not engaging and have nothing further to do with him or his situation. He has drained her of enough by being a complete liar and now OP has to process this. She just needs to look out for herself right now IMHO.

I'd send him one message back telling him that you have found out he's lied to you about his name and situation, but you now know who is really is and that he's married. And therefore it should come as no surprise to him that you would like him to fuck off and never contact you again. Then block and move on.

A similar thing happened to a family member.
You can’t be too careful.

But the idea of right and wrong exists. It's not just about what makes an individual feel better. Jesus said do unto others as you would have others do unto you. He didn't say - look after yourself and bollocks to everyone else! Whether you believe or not we all have a sense of right and wrong outside of ourselves and we should try to live by that. I wish OP well. She's a victim in this situation just like the wife.

Dump, block and move on. Leave the wife alone.

I’d tell the wife with evidence and then block them both. She deserves to know and I know I’d want to in her situation.

What overseas country did he tell you he lives in?

OP does he know where you live? If not, I would definitely tell his wife, then it's up to her what she wants to do.

Thank you for those thoughts. It’s a hard one. It makes me so sad how much this is a thing.

I did go on one other date before with a man who worked in a hedge fund and I could clearly see the imprint/tan line where he had taken off his wedding ring! I finished my drink and then politely excused myself and went home. I remember thinking when I met this guy “thank god” I met someone nice!

I know life is hard and affairs can happen all the time but I feel it’s particularly sinister to dupe someone into unknowingly having an affair with you.

i don’t want to cause harm to his wife but I just want him off the street so to speak and I feel like truth is always best and I hate to think of him hurting someone else in this way - it feels awful.

What country does ye live in OP?

He lives in the UAE.

Don’t tell his wife. What’s she supposed to do about it out there?