He cheated on me with a 20 year old he used to coach

[Lookslikelou]

My husband turned 50 between Christmas and new year, we have been together for 25 years. He was a sports coach for many years, it’s an individual sport but he coached a club/team. This particular girl became his protege per se, he would get up early to coach her in the morning when she was 10/11 but she moved away. He kept in touch, first with her parents then as she got older with her. I don’t know if she even does the sport any more. Anyway she was in our city for new year and he had a party for his birthday the weekend before, he invited her and she came to the party. The next night he went out, he said to meet a friend, I didn’t question it.

Now he has been weird the last few weeks, quiet, not interested in sex etc. Last night he told me he had to tell me something and he told me that he met her at the pub, they got drunk, they went back to her hotel and had sex. I’m devastated, I wanted to ask so many questions about why etc. but I just cried. I asked if it only happened this once and he said yes.

I feel ill, he knew her when she was 9-12, she is younger than one of our daughters!!!

What do I do? Our marriage is over but how do I cope?!

I am revolted by your post.

You think she's worse than the husband? Jesus Christ.

She's 20 years old, and he hasn't coached her for 10 years. Wise up!!!

Not the OP's responsibility either!!

This idea would disgust my son and daughter also, but they would 100% think that he was a predator and wouldn't assign any of the blame to the girl.

That's a bit of an over-reaction!!!

My advice OP is do whatever you need to in order to get through the initial stages of this. But dont give this man any information/indication of how you plan to play it long term.
Write down everything, let him think that you have irrevocably fallen apart & then destroy him when you feel stronger.

There are some truly disgusting comments on here. OP will know the implications of what her DH has done and she said the marriage is over. She posted for advice on how to cope, not to read the most vile shit from posters lining up to put the boot in. OP you’re not going to get the advice and guidance you need here. If you’re still lurking have the thread taken down and seek advice in real life.

^ This!

This lady posted here for help in her distress and I am utterly disgusted by some of the comments!!

Why do people feel the need to be so cruel!

@Lookslikelou I hope you're ok, and pay no heed to the nonsense xx

Why are you berating the OP. And why are you assuming her DH will be back in her life when she’s clearly said the marriage is over ? And she’s already made the connection with the age of her daughters, she doesn’t need you throwing your vile shite at her when she posted for support.

This op, listen to this sage advice.
🫂 💐 my darling x

None of this is on OP, no one is saying that.

I don't agree with a fifty year old woman sleeping with a twenty year old man, it is gross. However, what makes this situation even worse is the fact that the OP's husband knew this girl since she was a literal child. I would say the same about a woman who had known a man since he was a child (like the pedophile First Lady of France)

Not relevant what she was thinking. He is married with responsibilities and daughters.
The power dynamic is him,older man, her former coach, trusted by her parents. In position of authority to her , coach and trainee. She probably looked up to him

Just sending a handhold OP.

You will survive this. I know you will be in a whirlwind now, but things will settle and you will find a new life.

Omg OP you poor thing I'm so sorry. Your husband is repulsive. How could he do this to your marriage and family?

I hope you find some support IRL. I'd suggest to your daughter she blocks her.

Of course you don't have to contact this girl's father! It's gross but she's an adult and if she wants to sleep with married old men that's her funeral.

He's disgusting for cheating but that doesn't make him a paedophile. She's not a child.

Mind yourself, I can't imagine the shock. Bastard.

Sorry if this is very pessimistic, but I’m wondering given the circumstances why he told op? Was he genuinely racked with guilt and wanted to fess up re a mistake or is he laying the foundations, as he knows it’s going to come out anyway and he wants a head start.

Really sorry this has happened to you, how awful and heart breaking. I’m glad you can see the marriage is over because this is so gross on so many levels. Time is a great healer 🙏🏽 Be kind to yourself and take it day by day x

Op you have enough on your plate without being made to feel responsible for her welfare. This is on them. At 20, I slept with a man in his 50s. I wanted it, I pursued him. I don't regret a second of it. We remain best of friends to this day. I wasn't groomed, I didn't need to be rescued. He wasn't a pedophile. I know it's the done thing to claim that every sexual liaison outside of marriage was abuse but in most cases it really isn't. The girl has said she's fine. You don't need to do anything more. How to deal with your husband is another thing.

Your husband is a disgusting pig, just count your blessings you’ve found out.

Your DD sounds switched on so let her investigate and just focus on getting over him.

Where in that quote does it state it is??

I’m also pretty sure a lot of 50 year olds would be ecstatic at the thought of still being wanted by a 20 year old, you’re very naive to think otherwise but the majority are not given the opportunity by a 20 year old……..the fact he has to wait until she was drunk and either walked or drove her home in which case he was sober enough to drive is extremely predatory whether the girl realises that or not, she’s not long even left school at that age…….and I know for a fact if my daughter had been put in that situation by a 50 year old male my partner would be held for murder charges, as would any other non predatory male…….i would imagine the same will occur once her father realises they paid a coach for many years to then have sex with her……

The OP is responsible for none of this, must be in great shock, but yet there are posters blaming her and others making demands about what she "must" do.

This girl is 20. Yes, it's revolting that he has had sex with someone he knew when she was a child, no argument, and what else has been going on is unknown. However, again, pillioring the OP for something she has only just discovered is appalling.

Hes a disgusting pervert. It sounds like he groomed her and was hoping to sleep with her for years, coaching her early in the morning and then keeping in touch with her parents, to strategically have a link to her. I was going to say I have no idea what a 20 year old was thinking sleeping with him, but that is possibly part of being groomed from age 11 by him. I would kick him out.

Did you know this man when you were ten? How are people missing that this is what makes the situation so gross!?

THIS. My first thought was did he sexualise her as a child. She would have been like a daughter, as you say your dauhters age. I would definatley tell her parents!

Oh come off it, the OP has been badgered to take action over his alleged grooming!!!