Should I pull out of house purchase?

[NoisyTealFinch]

my partner and I are buying a new build house together and we are due to exchange and complete in a couple of weeks time.

we have had a lot of life changes over the last few years and his behaviour towards me and attitude has been horrible at times.

big issues in our relationship that I have been discussing in therapy:

1. Our baby was a happy surprise - when we found out he wanted me to get a termination because his life was ruined / not going in the direction he wanted it as he wanted to compete at a national level in a sport (he was 30 at the time, we owned our own house, we had been together 8 years, and he had said the whole of that time he wanted a family)
2. We went on a babymoon together for a few nights and he barely spoke a single word to me the whole time. When pressed why he reconfirms reasons above.
3. Have baby in hospital and he spends whole time looking devastated
4. few days after baby comes home he tells me he now knows he never wanted children
5. He had always hated his job and an opportunity came up to start a new business with my family (who I think are worried about me). We move counties and are living in a home owned by family (on our own) for free. He hates it because it isn’t our own space. Lots of issues with him wanting full control of business and my family not thinking he’s ready or doing the right thing. He starts to resent my parents, especially my mum.
6. Lots of arguments over the next few years about how bad his life is because of ‘decisions I made’
7. he loves our child with all his heart and really is a good dad and a great person when he’s not got a bee in his bonnet
8. Last May he got really angry (swearing shouting storming around in front of child) because my parents wouldn’t babysit for 3 nights (they could only do two nights) when we went to his friends wedding.
9. long story short I have agreed to buy a house near by with him so we are in a new space away from my family (but only 15 mins drive, whereas we are currently neighbours). I thought he had stopped all this behaviour but he got a bit weird before Christmas about a deed of trust (as I am putting more money in than him).
10. after Christmas he kicked off about how he wanted to buy a £25k sports car and ‘my choices’ were limiting his (because he had agreed together not to pull equity out of our old house sale) and that I ‘should have known that he wanted to pull money out of the house’ and he only agreed not to in a ‘moment of weakness’ I have been to therapy recently so I can see that he has been gaslighting me for the last few years.

basically I there’s loads more than that but that’s a summary. I don’t want to split our family up and he is very nice and caring most of the time and a very good dad. His mum is exactly the same as he is which makes me worry he won’t ever change.

since the last argument about the sports car I told him he was gaslighting me and he said he felt awful and we’ve had lots of serious conversations about ending the relationship but I feel such a pull to him still. He said he told his dad all his horrible behaviour and he’s going to therapy.

I confided in my parents and they said they worry he’s controlling. When very recently told my friends what’s been happening they say it’s unacceptable.

we have a house purchase date looming and we are going to centre Parcs for a week next week.

i just wanted to know if anyone else has had this experience where someone has genuinely changed? Just clinging on to a hope but I also think the writing is on the wall with it. He’s being SO nice since the last argument.

So the penny has dropped that his gravy train has suddenly halted and because of the house sale you can exit painlessly and quickly.

Hence the epiphany...🙄.

Don't be taken in by this nasty using piece of shit.

You have done the hard bit.
Its over.
All future conversations should be about co parenting your child.

Do not allow this awful man to ruin your babys childhood.

If you are naive enough to fall for his bullshit, you will bitterly regret it.
Criticising you and your family for your happy positivity?
Twat.

He has shown you who he is, believe him.
Be so thankful that you can back out of this house purchase, you are so blessed.

Expect him to up the anty with threats of self harm etc, when he realises you are not backing down.
This is the go to of abusive pricks who feel they are losing control of their victims.

Tell him you will be contacting the police to report his threats. And do it.

Ring the police on 101, and tell them you have left an abusive partner and he is threatening to self harm.
They will sort him out.
They are well used to dealing with his type of scum.
Usually one call to his house for a "welfare call out" sorts these twats out.
The police are well able for his type.
They won't be manipulated easily by him.

Its all from the abusers handbook.

He's trying to reel you back in.

You met him when you are were so young OP and you are still young now, with so many more years to go.
What really jumped at me from your posts is the loving bond you have with your family, and your supportive friends.
You have the means to support yourself, too.
Over a time a man like this can destroy those bonds, and given enough time they can succeed. There are threads on here from women with no financial independence left, family and friends driven away.
You have a chance here to stop that happening.
You don’t need two children to look after.
Of course, he’s crying because he thought he was in control, and now he isn’t. Given a way back in, he will be back to abusing you, and it is abuse.
The fact that your friends have spoken to your parents shows how worried they are. Keep talking to them.
I was in a similar situation to you, we didn’t have children, but at 29 I’d had enough. I only wished I’d left sooner, but it gave me plenty of time to get over it, move on and still be young.
You do have responsibilities but you should also be enjoying life and having some fun. He may be older than you but he’s behaving like an overgrown teenager, and a delusional one.
Most of us who have been bullied as a child go out of our way as adults to never bully. He’s using it as an excuse. Be prepared for more tears and tantrums and do not budge.
Choose you now, and your lovely child, your family and friends. They are all you need for a bright future.
Keep going to therapy to support you through the coming months. Don’t lose your positivity. Ever.

The move was to get you away from your loving family, your caring friends, to control and isolate you.
Don't kid yourself that he loves you.
He doesn't.
He wants control.
He will be kicking himself that he fxxked up and you are now backing out.
He will absolutely not give up easily.
You are so lucky that you can get out of this quickly.
You baby is going to have a better future with limited contact.
Do not be surprised if he also turns very nasty and then apologises crys again.
He will be trying everything to get you back in line and using your child and the family breaking up if he can.
Anything to manipulate you again.

Your parents clearly have the measure of him.
He sees you as a gravy train.
You deserve so much better.

Aye he's full of shite .. better off without

It's not for you to sort him out. You are not the asshole whisperer.

Head tilt and say, 'ahh, that's nice', when he starts bleating on about all of his shitty behaviour is the fault of other people.

You will be 'the one that got away' in his life. There's worse things to be!

I had a similarly abusive ex and after I left, he wrote me two beautiful letters except....they weren't. Analysed, it was clear he wasn't taking blame of any sort and they were a desperate attempt at hoovering me back in. He had overstepped to such a degree, he should have sent a grovelling apology but his personality type cannot ever do it and I was done. This was a long time ago and he is still single. There is a good reason for that.

Once you take arseholes like this back they only get worse.
They realise that you have zero self respect and esteem and think they can treat you even worse than before.

They NEVER improve, despite promising to, to just suck you back in.

He will be furious with himself that he played his hand poorly before the new house was finalised.

Stay strong and please do not get back together with this illusion of a man. Always always trust actions and not words, you've got a whole life ahead of you, please don't waste it on an emotionally immature vampire of a boy

He is a horrible and untrustworthy man. Leave him.

Always remember.. he's nice 90% of the time but the other 10% isn't great.. that will grow to 15..20...50% of the time..

You deserve so much more than this sad life hun xxx

You are an absolute legend, OP! Well done.

I think the fact your friends were concerned enough to talk to your parents is very telling OP.
You are surrounded by people who love you and your son and want you to have a “positive” happy life.
That cannot be with your EX nothing will ever be good enough for him , sending you “positive “ vibes and the strength to say “No More “ to this awful man.