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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

His decisions make me feel so disgusted

121 replies

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 19:55

I'm so so so sick of my ex. He has severe mental health issues. That's part the reason I've tried to stay friendly but distance myself at the same time.

His illness makes him make reckless decisions. It always has. But the last year his decisions have been infuriating and I cannot deal with him anymore. It's like he's completely jealous of my life and plays down and puts down everything about me. But also he literally ruins his own life and is convinced he's not at fault.

He lost his job 18 months ago for stealing and selling some work stuff. This was the beginning of the end for us. Just before he lost his job he bought a gorgeous puppy from some idiot he knew. I had good intentions with the puppy. I got her a lead and collar. I paid for her food. Then weeks and weeks and then months past. He never ever took her outside his flat to pee or walk. He never got her injections and never trained her. So she slept in the bed with us. Took over the whole house but wasn't living a dogs life. He sold her for £100 in March. Lied to the people who got her. Said she was lead trained. After the dog went he got in with a shit crowd. He began lying. Spending money
but rent and bills were ignored. Then he had the nerve to ask me for money for fags and food whilst going into victim mentality. We split up around this time. He had some lad living with him and between them I presume drugs and allsorts were going on.

I got myself a pet cockertial recently. She's adorable. He has been leaning on me abit lately. He came round (stupid I know) I was recently put on steroids as my skin broke out from stress. I have felt so exhausted over Christmas. Working and trying to do allsorts. I think I just got ill from the pressure. The nurse called me the other day to update my treatment plan. He was sat on my sofa whilst I told the nurse I got stressed and tired. After I hung up he said what was you telling her that for she was ringing you about your rash.
All week he's been saying wherever he goes People are telling him he's great and they wish they could be him bla bla bla. Bullshit comments all the time.

Today I went shopping with my kids. I got some toys for my new bird and the kids spent their christmas money. He's been laid in bed starving and mardy with no money for days. Constantly whinging. Whilst I'm out today he's text saying he's got a new dog. It's a staffy crossed with a cane corso. He claims its 10 weeks old. The lad down the road sold it and he wants a hundred pound (he hasn't got a penny to his name) on further questioning he needs to buy it food and a lead etc. So I made a comment on well you will need to make sure you do feed it properly. He then said he didn't know why I bought my bird a toy and ladder today as its only a bird and had enough in its cage. He wanted to bring the dog up. I said no it might turn on my cockertial.

I just don't want to be friends with him anymore or bother with him. He makes my blood boil. I only stayed friends because of self harm. But I really can't stand his lifestyle.

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 11/01/2025 19:57

Why are you waiting. Dump this waste of space.

MissysMeemaw · 11/01/2025 19:59

A staffy x cane corso - what could possibly go wrong!

GreyBlackBay · 11/01/2025 20:00

Gently remove yourself. Be busy. Be ill. Be too involved in kids stuff. Be away.

Be slow to respond to texts. Be brief.

Or block him. You are not responsible for his welfare but I understand it can be difficult to just block him.

If you provide food or money you are enabling him. He can hand the dig back because he can't pay.

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 20:02

MissysMeemaw · 11/01/2025 19:59

A staffy x cane corso - what could possibly go wrong!

I've had a staffy in the past and he was a sweetheart. But 100% I don't want anyones dogs loose around my house as a now bird owner. He laughed at me and said dogs don't have killing instinct unless taught. I disagree. Some will not get along with cats and birds etc.
I know what will be next. Can you help me buy xyz. I took on his last dog 3 years ago (now passed) because he couldn't find anywhere to live.

OP posts:
MissBPotter · 11/01/2025 20:03

If you don’t have kids with this total loser I would completely block, delete and distance yourself as far away as possible. New dog sounds particularly disasterous given his history.

littlepinkflowersx · 11/01/2025 20:08

He's your ex..... why's he in your house? Why does he know what you're doing / buying?

Block. Delete. Ignore.

He is an adult and you are NOT responsible for him or his actions in any way.

Miloarmadillo2 · 11/01/2025 20:09

MissBPotter · 11/01/2025 20:03

If you don’t have kids with this total loser I would completely block, delete and distance yourself as far away as possible. New dog sounds particularly disasterous given his history.

This. He’s an ex - block him and don’t get dragged any further into his chaotic life. A staffy x Cane Corso almost certainly would meet criteria for an XL bully so he’s breaking the law. Previous experience would say he will be a terrible dog owner and not care for the dog appropriately. Don’t get involved, and don’t let the dog anywhere near your family.

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 20:09

He can't afford a dog. But the jealousy and snide comments about my bird are making me mad. I'm taking care of her properly she has a good cage. She's out everyday she's brought me and the kids joy. I can't stand that he's trying to make her less valuable than she is.

He wants the dog so he doesn't kill himself. Which is selfish. He has daughters and me that's never been a reason to work on himself.

I have kids they are not his children.

OP posts:
kate592 · 11/01/2025 20:10

Why are you having anything to do with this twat? I don't understand at all. I feel sorry for the poor dog. Poor thing stuck with that useless loser.

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 20:10

littlepinkflowersx · 11/01/2025 20:08

He's your ex..... why's he in your house? Why does he know what you're doing / buying?

Block. Delete. Ignore.

He is an adult and you are NOT responsible for him or his actions in any way.

Ugh its a long story. Suicide attempts. Overdosing. Turning up crying saying he's starving. Saying he was going to kill himself.

I have rang all the professionals they never help. So by managing him my stress goes down. But I really don't like him. He's a liar but his choices are getting more and more ridiculous

OP posts:
Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 20:12

kate592 · 11/01/2025 20:10

Why are you having anything to do with this twat? I don't understand at all. I feel sorry for the poor dog. Poor thing stuck with that useless loser.

Me too. He won't have it long. It's the 3rd dog he's had in 4 years. He won't be able to buy it nothing. I bailed him out with the last 2 dogs. I paid for their food and bought them toys and dog beds because I didn't want to see them go without. But no way will I do it again.

OP posts:
Miloarmadillo2 · 11/01/2025 20:12

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 20:10

Ugh its a long story. Suicide attempts. Overdosing. Turning up crying saying he's starving. Saying he was going to kill himself.

I have rang all the professionals they never help. So by managing him my stress goes down. But I really don't like him. He's a liar but his choices are getting more and more ridiculous

He’s an adult. None of this is your problem. He’s just trying to manipulate you into entertaining his sob story.
Block and ignore.

Bananalanacake · 11/01/2025 20:14

You don't have DC with him and you don't live together, why even bother talking to him or thinking about him, he is not your responsibility.

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 20:16

Bananalanacake · 11/01/2025 20:14

You don't have DC with him and you don't live together, why even bother talking to him or thinking about him, he is not your responsibility.

Because he puts it all on my shoulders.

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 11/01/2025 20:19

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 20:16

Because he puts it all on my shoulders.

Only because you allow him to. Block his number and cut him off.

ohyesido · 11/01/2025 20:20

You need to block this man and go no contact.

Cockatiels are beautiful loving birds I read your post in fear that you were going to say something bad had happened to it Sad

romdowa · 11/01/2025 20:21

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 20:16

Because he puts it all on my shoulders.

If he turns up at your door you call the police, if he threatens suicide you Call the police. Why are you letting this waster around your children

YourWildAmberSloth · 11/01/2025 20:23

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 20:10

Ugh its a long story. Suicide attempts. Overdosing. Turning up crying saying he's starving. Saying he was going to kill himself.

I have rang all the professionals they never help. So by managing him my stress goes down. But I really don't like him. He's a liar but his choices are getting more and more ridiculous

So you are inflicting this shitshow on your children, ffs!

JanglingJack · 11/01/2025 20:23

There's nothing worse in my eyes than a caged bird.
Pet. No.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 11/01/2025 20:24

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 20:16

Because he puts it all on my shoulders.

You're letting him. Block him!

ohyesido · 11/01/2025 20:24

Threatening suicide to make you stay is manipulative and you will become his prisoner if you buy into it.

He won't and even if he did it would not be your fault

Pinkbonbon · 11/01/2025 20:25

You're being your own worst enemy.

'Listen John, your my ex and if you want ri buy another dog you can't look after, that's your perogative. As is everything else. We're done though and I'm done dealing woth your shit. Don't contact me again'.

Then block.
Change your locks if he ever had house keys to your home. Never respond. If he shows up, don't answer the door. If ge harasses you, call the police.

Any suicide threats (which you won't actually get as he's blocked) call the non emergency police and let them decide how to proceed. He'll soon get shit fir wasting their time.

Not your problem.

ohyesido · 11/01/2025 20:25

@JanglingJack what do you think would happen to the cockatiel if she lets it fly away?

DollopOfFun · 11/01/2025 20:27

You've got kids.

Stop worrying about his decisions and start focusing on yours.

Shubbypubby · 11/01/2025 20:27

Do you really want this man around children? They haven't even got a mention. You seemed more concerned about the various animals.