His decisions make me feel so disgusted

[Trixiepots1]

I'm so so so sick of my ex. He has severe mental health issues. That's part the reason I've tried to stay friendly but distance myself at the same time.

His illness makes him make reckless decisions. It always has. But the last year his decisions have been infuriating and I cannot deal with him anymore. It's like he's completely jealous of my life and plays down and puts down everything about me. But also he literally ruins his own life and is convinced he's not at fault.

He lost his job 18 months ago for stealing and selling some work stuff. This was the beginning of the end for us. Just before he lost his job he bought a gorgeous puppy from some idiot he knew. I had good intentions with the puppy. I got her a lead and collar. I paid for her food. Then weeks and weeks and then months past. He never ever took her outside his flat to pee or walk. He never got her injections and never trained her. So she slept in the bed with us. Took over the whole house but wasn't living a dogs life. He sold her for £100 in March. Lied to the people who got her. Said she was lead trained. After the dog went he got in with a shit crowd. He began lying. Spending money
but rent and bills were ignored. Then he had the nerve to ask me for money for fags and food whilst going into victim mentality. We split up around this time. He had some lad living with him and between them I presume drugs and allsorts were going on.

I got myself a pet cockertial recently. She's adorable. He has been leaning on me abit lately. He came round (stupid I know) I was recently put on steroids as my skin broke out from stress. I have felt so exhausted over Christmas. Working and trying to do allsorts. I think I just got ill from the pressure. The nurse called me the other day to update my treatment plan. He was sat on my sofa whilst I told the nurse I got stressed and tired. After I hung up he said what was you telling her that for she was ringing you about your rash.
All week he's been saying wherever he goes People are telling him he's great and they wish they could be him bla bla bla. Bullshit comments all the time.

Today I went shopping with my kids. I got some toys for my new bird and the kids spent their christmas money. He's been laid in bed starving and mardy with no money for days. Constantly whinging. Whilst I'm out today he's text saying he's got a new dog. It's a staffy crossed with a cane corso. He claims its 10 weeks old. The lad down the road sold it and he wants a hundred pound (he hasn't got a penny to his name) on further questioning he needs to buy it food and a lead etc. So I made a comment on well you will need to make sure you do feed it properly. He then said he didn't know why I bought my bird a toy and ladder today as its only a bird and had enough in its cage. He wanted to bring the dog up. I said no it might turn on my cockertial.

I just don't want to be friends with him anymore or bother with him. He makes my blood boil. I only stayed friends because of self harm. But I really can't stand his lifestyle.

Holy shit
Kick him out, block him, and focus on providing a less stressed house hold for you and your DC

This piece of shit doesn't matter, stop letting him in your life!

I'm sorry, but none of this makes any sense to me. Why are YOU entertaining this? You are actively condoning his actions, and you are at fault.

He's your ex, but he lives with you. He's buying pets he can't afford, but you're spending your money to make them comfortable.

I appreciate he is mentally unwell, but he needs to speak to his GP to get his health on track. You are NOT his mother or mental health practitioner, and he is using you.

Do not date jobless men unless you want to provide for them.
Do not date men who do not have money unless you want to provide for them.

It is draining when a no hoper inserts themselves into your life and refuses to leave when told.

Slowly reduce contact with him until it is practically down to nothing, start by not answering his calls all the time and leaving long gaps before responding to his texts, pretend you are not home if he calls around, he will find someone else to lean on eventually…..maybe all the people he has been saying are calling him great

He, and his dog, are a big risk to your children, never mind the cockatiel (and I’m an animal lover.) This shouldn’t even be a question. The reasons you’re saying you’ve let him stay are exactly the reason you should throw him out and block him.

He’s not your responsibility. Aside from risking your children’s wellbeing I would say you’re also risking social services involvement.

No one can put it all on your shoulders unless you let them which is potential codependency. You need to cut him out of your life and put your energy into you, your children etc - you need to figure out why you’re letting him into your life like this - it’s not healthy.

Honestly, her children are her responsibility, she should just get rid of him and block him. What she’s doing obviously isn’t helping him anyway, because he’s getting worse. But regardless, he needs to go immediately.

Is this thread genuine?

Could you report to RSPCA about his dog ?
and block him. Meanwhile watch your skin improve

I suggested gradually reducing contact with him as he has mental health problems and cutting him off immediately could tip him over the edge and cause further problems for the OP/ her family

@BlueSky2024 he is not her responsibility and it sounds very much like he is using mental health as a means of emotional blackmail to ensure he can remain in her life and sponge from her

Thank you I am going to put this into Action. I think it's a more manageable way of doing things.

Manipulation.

He is a loser and doesnt respect you. And why the fuck do you think your children should have to be around him? Te him to leave and cut contact. He is not your children’s problem.

He is only here if there children are at their dad's.

Yes! Do exactly what the above Poster says.

OP you come across as quite fragile and vulnerable, stop pandering to this criminal and protect yourself, your children and your bird.
🦢
You have set up a nice life for yourself without him, just tell him you cannot look after him anymore and are done with the relationship.

You can tell him that the whole point of an "instinct" is that it doesn't have to be taught; it's innate.

Take the drama out of the equation he's nothing but useless fucker.
Get him the fuck out of your kid's lives and your own.

If he's not the father of your children you need to cut him out of your life. His decisions and his money problems and his dog are not your problem. Why are you allowing yourself to get involved in all his drama? Do you think it's good for your kids to be around this?

Stop having contact with him. Tell him clearly that for your own mental health and your children's, he is not to call you, message you or come round to your house any more. The relationship is over. You both need to move on.

Because YOU make yourself available for him to do this. I wonder whether it makes you feel wanted when he is trauma-dumping on you.

You really need more self respect. Stop answering his calls, dont answer your door, look on youtube for ways to boost your self esteem.

I think you both need to concentrate on looking after yourselves and children. Forget about the pets.

He laughed at me and said dogs don't have killing instinct unless taught

He is a drug user (?) who lost his job for stealing.

Do you really think anything he says is worth taking seriously??

Anyway, that's bullshit.

Fighting dogs were bred to have that instinct. Anything with bull in its name. Because they were bred to fight bulls.
Cane Corso were war dogs, guard dogs etc.
They are listed more than once on the list of recent deaths in dog attacks.

He's a fucking idiot.

When he's speaking, just automatically presume what's coming out of his mouth is stupid/wrong and you'll be on the right track eh.

But you'd be better not having to listen to him

Your kids aren't his. That's wonderful to read. No need to have any contact at all. Just get rid of him safely.

It may be easier, it may not. I know for me it would be easier to cut contact completely, block on everything, ignore if he comes over. You're still completely enmeshed in his life, codependence can be like an addiction and like an addiction the answer is often that you have to stop it all at once otherwise you get drawn back in. Can you hold each slightly stronger boundary against him? Or will it be, I'll just help him rehome the dog and then Im done I'll start to reduce contact. Then oh he's suicidal again I just have to help this one last time, then I'll start reducing contact again. Then he's calling over and over saying he has no food, I can't ignore him starving and on and on. Your behaviour suggests that contact with him will mean you keep getting drawn in, helping him just one more time over and over.

Exactly. Don't answer the door, block his number and move on with your life. This guy has anchored himself to the OP's emotions and finances. He is draining her.

Yeah that's a good point.

He's so stupid that he thinks "instinct" can be taught/has to be taught.

He doesn't know the meaning of the word instinct.