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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

His decisions make me feel so disgusted

121 replies

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 19:55

I'm so so so sick of my ex. He has severe mental health issues. That's part the reason I've tried to stay friendly but distance myself at the same time.

His illness makes him make reckless decisions. It always has. But the last year his decisions have been infuriating and I cannot deal with him anymore. It's like he's completely jealous of my life and plays down and puts down everything about me. But also he literally ruins his own life and is convinced he's not at fault.

He lost his job 18 months ago for stealing and selling some work stuff. This was the beginning of the end for us. Just before he lost his job he bought a gorgeous puppy from some idiot he knew. I had good intentions with the puppy. I got her a lead and collar. I paid for her food. Then weeks and weeks and then months past. He never ever took her outside his flat to pee or walk. He never got her injections and never trained her. So she slept in the bed with us. Took over the whole house but wasn't living a dogs life. He sold her for £100 in March. Lied to the people who got her. Said she was lead trained. After the dog went he got in with a shit crowd. He began lying. Spending money
but rent and bills were ignored. Then he had the nerve to ask me for money for fags and food whilst going into victim mentality. We split up around this time. He had some lad living with him and between them I presume drugs and allsorts were going on.

I got myself a pet cockertial recently. She's adorable. He has been leaning on me abit lately. He came round (stupid I know) I was recently put on steroids as my skin broke out from stress. I have felt so exhausted over Christmas. Working and trying to do allsorts. I think I just got ill from the pressure. The nurse called me the other day to update my treatment plan. He was sat on my sofa whilst I told the nurse I got stressed and tired. After I hung up he said what was you telling her that for she was ringing you about your rash.
All week he's been saying wherever he goes People are telling him he's great and they wish they could be him bla bla bla. Bullshit comments all the time.

Today I went shopping with my kids. I got some toys for my new bird and the kids spent their christmas money. He's been laid in bed starving and mardy with no money for days. Constantly whinging. Whilst I'm out today he's text saying he's got a new dog. It's a staffy crossed with a cane corso. He claims its 10 weeks old. The lad down the road sold it and he wants a hundred pound (he hasn't got a penny to his name) on further questioning he needs to buy it food and a lead etc. So I made a comment on well you will need to make sure you do feed it properly. He then said he didn't know why I bought my bird a toy and ladder today as its only a bird and had enough in its cage. He wanted to bring the dog up. I said no it might turn on my cockertial.

I just don't want to be friends with him anymore or bother with him. He makes my blood boil. I only stayed friends because of self harm. But I really can't stand his lifestyle.

OP posts:
PierceMorgansChin · 11/01/2025 21:56

404ErrorCode · 11/01/2025 21:52

Come on, you have kids. Dump this loser now. Your kids are the top priority.

Should be, but I don't think they are. They hardly get a mention in this saga

StrawberryDream24 · 11/01/2025 21:57

Looking at dog attack deaths in the UK since 2020;

In 2022, a Cane Corso killed a 3 yr old boy.

In the same year a Cane Corso cross killed an 83 yr old woman.

In 2023 a Cane Corso killed a 51 yr old man.

No Cane Corso deaths in 2024.

2025 has barely started.

I wouldn't ever willingly have a dog breed that's killed 3 people in the last 3 years in my vicinity.

But then he's so stupid he thinks "instinct" is trained into dogs.

Nanny0gg · 11/01/2025 22:01

Trixiepots1 · 11/01/2025 21:23

That's his flat and his pets. There's nothing shameless about my lifestyle. I am a respectable woman who works as a HCA. I work hard. I have a cockertial yes. But that's the only pet I've had in my current home. I dont smoke or drink or touch drugs. I keep my home clean and tidy and my kids have good manners. It's solely him and his mental state going downhill

WHICH IS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

Nanny0gg · 11/01/2025 22:01

StrawberryDream24 · 11/01/2025 21:57

Looking at dog attack deaths in the UK since 2020;

In 2022, a Cane Corso killed a 3 yr old boy.

In the same year a Cane Corso cross killed an 83 yr old woman.

In 2023 a Cane Corso killed a 51 yr old man.

No Cane Corso deaths in 2024.

2025 has barely started.

I wouldn't ever willingly have a dog breed that's killed 3 people in the last 3 years in my vicinity.

But then he's so stupid he thinks "instinct" is trained into dogs.

Edited

Apparently the CC is the 'new' pitbull

PromiseNotToCall · 11/01/2025 22:02

StrawberryDream24 · 11/01/2025 21:57

Looking at dog attack deaths in the UK since 2020;

In 2022, a Cane Corso killed a 3 yr old boy.

In the same year a Cane Corso cross killed an 83 yr old woman.

In 2023 a Cane Corso killed a 51 yr old man.

No Cane Corso deaths in 2024.

2025 has barely started.

I wouldn't ever willingly have a dog breed that's killed 3 people in the last 3 years in my vicinity.

But then he's so stupid he thinks "instinct" is trained into dogs.

Edited

He's not intelligent or in his right mind. The OP needs to discount anything that comes out of his mouth.

StarDolphins · 11/01/2025 22:02

Poor dog. Why do these innocent animals end up with such losers 😩

StrawberryDream24 · 11/01/2025 22:02

I am a respectable woman

Then be respectable in who you associate with.

He's a thieving, dumb, druggy loser who keeps a dangerous dog.

mathanxiety · 11/01/2025 22:03

Does he have keys to your home?
If yes, get your locks changed.

Do you have children together?
Don't let him near them with the new dog.

He no longer lives with you, right?
Keep it that way. Don't let him into the house any more.

Stop communicating with him. Block him if needed.you can gradually stop interacting with him and then block if that feels.more comfortable.

You're being too kind. You're not responsible for his terrible lifestyle and horrible treatment of animals. Stop trying to rescue him or save him.

Don't give him one penny more, and stop giving him your attention, time, and energy. You have children. Put your energy into them.

StrawberryDream24 · 11/01/2025 22:03

Do you have children together?

Apparently not.

Youngheartsalittletogetherness · 11/01/2025 22:11

Nanny0gg · 11/01/2025 22:01

Apparently the CC is the 'new' pitbull

And owned by the same type of fuckwit that owns an XL bully.
Don't want to derail thread from op issues about dog breeds.
She needs advice and act on it.

StrawberryDream24 · 11/01/2025 22:23

StrawberryDream24 · 11/01/2025 21:57

Looking at dog attack deaths in the UK since 2020;

In 2022, a Cane Corso killed a 3 yr old boy.

In the same year a Cane Corso cross killed an 83 yr old woman.

In 2023 a Cane Corso killed a 51 yr old man.

No Cane Corso deaths in 2024.

2025 has barely started.

I wouldn't ever willingly have a dog breed that's killed 3 people in the last 3 years in my vicinity.

But then he's so stupid he thinks "instinct" is trained into dogs.

Edited

Just an amendment, it looks like the dog that killed the 51 yr old man was a Cane Corso Cross, to be accurate.

PromiseNotToCall · 11/01/2025 22:25

Just the thought of being in a bed with an unvaccinated and untrained puppy resting alongside a man like this makes me feel uncomfortable. I really would be ticked off.

Joeylove88 · 11/01/2025 22:27

Are you going to take people's advice and actually get the hell away from this guy? Sorry if iv missed anything but the really obvious answer to this is that he is not your problem and you need to be blocking him and keeping him away from your children and home otherwise he will never go away and will only continue to cause stress to your life and your children's lives. You seem like a nice person so make the right choice before someone really gets hurt!

AsmallabodeIsallweWant · 11/01/2025 22:28

This sounds like you are addicted to him and cannot reduce contact ?

TenerifeElevenerife · 11/01/2025 22:30

You now have the perfect opportunity to remove him from your life.
You can not risk the dog around your bird, therefore he can not come around.
If he tries phoning/texting, sorry you are in the bath.
If he rings the doorbell, sorry you were hoovering/ had headphones on.
Use the current circumstances to your advantage, and for god sake don’t give this leech anymore money, or food! If he can buy a dog he can buy bread and cheese!

Gremlins101 · 11/01/2025 22:35

He shouldn't be in your life in any way. He sounds damaging to have around your kids, never mind the cockatiel.

MatchyMatchyGlasses · 11/01/2025 22:35

Cane Corsos are stunning dogs.

An untrained Cane Corso who is developing mental anguish from being stuck in a flat with no physical or mental stimulation is a weapon.

Hohofortherobbers · 11/01/2025 22:37

What on earth does this waste of space bring to your life? You split up with him, time to move on. How he handles this is on him now, not you. He can self harm if he wishes, not up to you to stop him.

IsItSummerSoon · 11/01/2025 22:42

What the fuck are you doing?!?!

thismummydrinksgin · 11/01/2025 22:42

Why would you have him around your children. You need to get rid.

junerella · 11/01/2025 22:52

Imagine a friend telling you all this. Cut him off and have no involvement. You have children, what if he came round unexpectedly while they were home?

Do you not feel like you're worth more than this?

LivelyMintViper · 11/01/2025 23:02

Tolerating and enabling this chap doesn't make you noble. Only stupid

TunipTheVegimal24 · 11/01/2025 23:03

He's not your responsibility.

I hope he doesn't kill himself, but if he does, that's his decision. You can't stop him, or make everything better for him, especially if trying to sort his life out, makes yourd worse.

All the bollocks about pets and who said what, is irrelevant.

WhistPie · 11/01/2025 23:13

You sound as if you love the drama, otherwise you'd walk away.

Let him destroy himself but FFS keep him away from your house & your family.

You won't save him

ParsonBrown · 11/01/2025 23:26

"Because he puts it all on my shoulders."

Because you allow him too, @Trixiepots1