Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

We're a few messages back and forth now and he hasn't yet tried to suss out how likely I am to shag him on the 1st date 😂 I'll take that as a good sign

It's hard to get the balance right sometimes though. I like a flirt without getting full on overtly sexual

@PeachyKeane - I reckon the 40 year olds are dating women in their 30s and early 40s or they are too busy with their careers and/or kids to be dating.

Inspired by everyone’s recent stories, I decided to join Hinge as a distraction yesterday and have now arranged two dates with two early 40 year olds (I am mid 40s). I’ll call them Mr Lawyer and the Swede, who so far have been so polite and written such thoughtful paragraphs in response that I worry they are a catfish/woman in disguise (I listened to the Sweet Bobby podcast recently). I shall report back next week if that’s really the case. What was surprising was that my Mr Workcrush is no longer on Hinge so I wonder if he has actually met someone or if he’s still enamoured with his 25-year old analyst.

Oh God I hope Hinge isn't just 'active' men. I love a gym bunny who does weights and has a good body. Ideally wearing a great pair of jeans and a sexy knit at this time of year. But I like A types, so hate mammals and 'activity' holidays. Yeh, you can keep yer kayak mate.

Oooh sounds very promising!

@OchreHedgehog - there are quite a few 'active'/mountaineering type men on hinge in N.I 🤣. I'm not the biggest fan of this type either

I do think in N.I hinge does appear to be the best app!

@OchreHedgehog

Hinge does seems to attract the middle aged men who spend all weekend up a mountain, in a kayak, running a marathon, sailing in the Solent or wresting a bear and still probably wondering why his marriage broke up.

Im in Hertfordshire so no idea where they find these peaks to climb round these parts

@TwistedWonder - you have just described like 60% of the men on hinge in N.I 🤣🤣

Sometimes I wonder if they do it out of boredom, due to a relationship break down!

Oh that's good to know. I'm going to dedicate some time to it at the weekend and try to keep my mind open to some younger prospects.

Did you get my PM? What do you think?!!

@TwistedWonder @LaBrasseria2024 lols!!! To be fair they can do what they like in their own time as far as I'm concerned. But I worry men like this could be awful bores - wanting to talk endlessly about their activities and PBs! I find it so cringe when the kind of men I date start talking about the gym - they are always the "fittest one there" and everyone else isn't doing it right etc. Yawn!!

Oh yes, good clothes make such a difference!

My exes didn’t care much about good clothes and it’s so refreshing to be with men who can discuss fashion with you and appreciate what you’re wearing. Or might ask your opinion on something they’re buying.

I actually do like feasting my eyes on a guy now, head to toe, whereas previously I was definitely all about personality.

"men who can discuss fashion with you and appreciate what you’re wearing. Or might ask your opinion on something they’re buying."

Wow it looks like I'm alone on this thread in not liking men who are into clothes and fashion! I like a reasonably well dressed man - clean clothes that fit properly, but the above would give me a massive ick. I have a male friend who recognises where my jewellery is from and it's one of the reasons I have never moved him out of the friend zone. 😅

I don't know if Hinge is used much or not. In the first few weeks after downloading it I got lots of matches (including Mr HK), then I seemed to run out of men on there? I now get 1-2 matches a week.

Tinder is very popular.

I‘m with you. I like a man to look stylish and like he’s made an effort but absolutely a hard no to discussing clothes or giving opinions on what each other wear other than ‘I like that dress/shirt’

I do my thing, he does his and never the Twain shall meet in respect of clothes buying.

Sounds promising @occhiazzurri ! What type of dates have you got planned?

@Crushed23 there's a fine balance. I don't want to be with someone who's endlessly trailing through shops and is obsessed with appearance. The best ones have identified one or two independent menswear shops and made friends with the owners, so only need to shop occasionally and get expert help.

Yes @ElleintheWoods I love appreciating a really nice outfit. I'm obsessed with how shirts sit on sexy wrists (I am a sucker for a double cuff and cufflinks) and slightly unusual necklines on knitwear.

Oh are you still seeing him? How’s it going?

Hmmm have deleted Tinder now, didn't like it at all. I think that's the way Hinge (and the other apps) work in general, you get lots of likes to start with, probably to try and get you to pay for it, and then it turns into a trickle, unless of course you pay for it. I will have to see if I have time to test it. Unfortunately not staying in a city centre, or downtown, and have no transport so not sure how feasible it would be to arrange a date anyway. Would be a bit reluctant to catch an uber to go and see someone random anyway in a city I don't know, even if I had time and matched with someone with availability.

Topless gym/ any topless/ any gym photo is a hard no for me.

Just personifies the kind of person I wouldn’t want to date.

To be honest I think some men aren’t nearly as into those activities than they make out. They just want to sound interesting and exciting. ‘I like chilling in the sofa after running my errands 5 days out of 7’ or ‘beer and football’ might not attract that many women, although perhaps that’s actually what some women want?

Alternatively, I think my single male friends are quite bored, so they do run an extensive hobby schedule… Guitar, cycling, chess, unusual martial arts… I reckon these would get dropped for a gf.

Haha 😂

Well, look, I’m really into fashion. I’d get dressed to the 9s and my ex would tell me ‘you look strange’ 😂 Purely cos I wasn’t in jeans and a hoodie.

So I love a man who will recognise my classic handbag or say my hair looks good.

Mr Workcush’s best mate notices what I wear every day, he’ll compliment me on my dress, coat, bag, shoes… I love that kind of attention, or generally a compliment along the lines ‘you have great fashion sense’

I don’t want a man dressed like a fashion model, but I would want them to look good in a suit at an event for example, or own a few different styles of well fitting jeans, their t-shirts to be considered rather than whatever they found etc.

Catching up again!

@Thatsthebottomline that shouldn't have made me laugh but it did!

@finallyaskedfordivorce that happens to me all the time, and they usually don't respond on the second app you've matched on either. I don't get it! Re these men who are so interested in travelling etc I feel similarly - they may be saying it so they sound more interesting but I don't want to travel, I want to settled down and have a family, so it puts me off. I also wouldn't want to date a smoker, I don't like the taste when you kiss them.

@TwistedWonder same re the pics in bed - it's an immediate left swipe if I see any of those. They don't look seductive at all and I get the instant ick.

I also like a well dressed man. It doesn't have to be expensive stuff, just a nice shirt, a pair of jeans and some nice shoes. Just so it looks like they've made an effort.

I've been chatting to a couple of other guys on the apps but no dates arranged as of yet. One guy told me I had the kind of face an artist would love to wake up to 😂Mr Tradie has messaged being chatty but apologised if he seems quiet as he is feeling down a lot at the moment. I've just said there's no pressure to message if he's not up to it but that I can listen if it will help and I will leave it there. I wonder if he's getting his excuses in now or whether he is being honest - from all the things I've heard and read about men I really have very little trust in what any of them say!

Hi all,

I never heard from Mr Lewisham after exchanging a few messages after our date last week which has surprised me.

But tomorrow I have a date with Mr Planner, at a bar in east London. This one was a bit of a gamble on my part as one of his pictures contained a real ick of mine, but the others were nice and we have lots in common! Fingers crossed

3 days back on apps and bored already lol.

My only 2 chats went nowhere. First one only has certain days he can date and just expected me to fit in around his plans - any date I suggested he couldn’t fit in so he’s gone.

Mr DJ was just an arrogant twat. Just wanted to talk about himself and whatever I said, he’s done it better. As we say if I’ve been Tenerife, he’s been Elevenerife.

So no matches at all right now.

@Crushed23 - I think I may have spoken too soon- not sure if things are as promising as I thought earlier today!

Mr Lawyer has suggested a cosy wine bar near my office, which I usually love but it is now making me question whether he loves drinking a bit too much like a lot of middle aged professionals. His main photo feature a wine glass (as domes mine) but I didn’t think too much about it initially. So we shall see! He actually lives in a commuter town and is only coming back to the office mid week so there is plenty of time for things to fizzle out eventually.

Mr Swede doesn’t drink so we were talking about coffee/art gallery, but he has messaged to say he is not feeling well and will rest up. I guess he got a better offer from someone he is more interested in the meantime!

I suspect I will delete Hinge after these two failed attempts early next week…

@occhiazzurri - are you London based?