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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

So tired of it

82 replies

Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:08

I have a really difficult relationship and I'm so tired of it.

My husband wouldn't let me sleep until 2am last night. Was getting me doing things. Then had me up at 6am, made me drink a horrible strong coffee to wake me up. Almost anything I say he shouts at me to shut up. Expects me to do everything he says immediately. He's smacked me round the head 3 times today and crushed my hand if I'm not walking fast enough or just say something wrong.

It's just exhausting trying to please him so much but no matter how hard I try I get it wrong. I feel so sick and so tired. I am so miserable. I have no energy or any confidence to make things better. I just feel stuck in this hell forever.

OP posts:
RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 10/01/2025 15:09

Call the police, you've been assaulted.

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/01/2025 15:11

I have a really difficult relationship and I'm so tired of it.

Why is it women say they have a difficult relationship when what they mean is they have an abusive relationship.

category12 · 10/01/2025 15:18

Have you got anywhere to go? Do you have children together?

You could speak to Women's Aid or local domestic abuse services about how to leave him.

TwistedWonder · 10/01/2025 15:26

Your husband is an abusive cunt and i guarantee these things are the absolute tip of the iceberg to what else hes done to you.

Call woman’s aid now

Original poster
Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:29

category12 · 10/01/2025 15:18

Have you got anywhere to go? Do you have children together?

You could speak to Women's Aid or local domestic abuse services about how to leave him.

No, I have nowhere to go. We have 2 children.

OP posts:
notatinydancer · 10/01/2025 15:33

You need to call the police. If you don't feel able to do that, you need to call Women's Aid.
It is very difficult but you need to separate.

Original poster
Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:36

He is so charming to everyone else.

We had a workman round today and they got on famously. I heard the workman on the phone saying what a nice guy he is. It messes my head up a bit.

He does tell me he loves me. But he doesn't really show it.

OP posts:
category12 · 10/01/2025 15:36

Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:29

No, I have nowhere to go. We have 2 children.

Show quote history

There are still ways out, such as going refuge with the children, or potentially him being removed from the home. Try to speak to domestic abuse services when it's safe to.

What you're suffering is not ok and not normal, and it is domestic violence and abuse.

Magamom · 10/01/2025 15:38

He’s evil and abusive, leave him now and block him

Original poster
Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:39

notatinydancer · 10/01/2025 15:33

You need to call the police. If you don't feel able to do that, you need to call Women's Aid.
It is very difficult but you need to separate.

I don't trust the police at all. I did try talking to Women's aid before but it didn't seem to help. I'm sure it was me, I'm just so tired and feel so ill, I'm not really with it half the time. I take medication for my mental health too which makes my head very foggy too.

OP posts:
category12 · 10/01/2025 15:40

He is so charming to everyone else.

Classic "street angel, house devil" abusive behaviour. It makes you feel like no-one would believe you. But that's not true.

Mollydoggerson · 10/01/2025 15:40

Tell your Doctor, they will help you.

category12 · 10/01/2025 15:42

Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:39

I don't trust the police at all. I did try talking to Women's aid before but it didn't seem to help. I'm sure it was me, I'm just so tired and feel so ill, I'm not really with it half the time. I take medication for my mental health too which makes my head very foggy too.

Show quote history

Sleep deprivation is really bad for cognitive function. It's part of how he's abusing you.

Original poster
Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:45

category12 · 10/01/2025 15:36

There are still ways out, such as going refuge with the children, or potentially him being removed from the home. Try to speak to domestic abuse services when it's safe to.

What you're suffering is not ok and not normal, and it is domestic violence and abuse.

Show quote history

It's really hard. I tried to get help from the police a little while ago but they just made things worse. They phoned me so that he knew that I'd phoned them. He doesn't look at what I do on MN as I think he thinks it's just women chatting about nothing important.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:46

category12 · 10/01/2025 15:40

He is so charming to everyone else.

Classic "street angel, house devil" abusive behaviour. It makes you feel like no-one would believe you. But that's not true.

Yes, it does feel like that.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 10/01/2025 15:47

Call Women’s Aid first for advice.

Then call the police. The sleep deprivation and physical and verbal attacks are domestic abuse. They will take you seriously.

notatinydancer · 10/01/2025 15:47

Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:39

I don't trust the police at all. I did try talking to Women's aid before but it didn't seem to help. I'm sure it was me, I'm just so tired and feel so ill, I'm not really with it half the time. I take medication for my mental health too which makes my head very foggy too.

Show quote history

Ok. But you need to try again.
You can’t live like this.

Original poster
Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:50

I'm a bit of a coward. I'm so afraid if he hears me on the phone. After I called the police I was in a lot of trouble with him. I feel like whatever I do he will find out and it will make things worse.

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 10/01/2025 15:54

Let me guess…I bet you dont have any access to any money either?

SpryCat · 10/01/2025 15:57

You are in an abusive relationship, your mental health is bad because of how your H is treating you. You could be perfect but he will always find fault and punish you, he has you walking on eggshells and is stopping you sleeping so you’re too tired to look after your Dc. You need to contact Women’s Aid and find a way to leave him because he will start abusing your children next.

category12 · 10/01/2025 15:59

Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 15:50

I'm a bit of a coward. I'm so afraid if he hears me on the phone. After I called the police I was in a lot of trouble with him. I feel like whatever I do he will find out and it will make things worse.

You can try the online chat for Women's Aid to start with? They have a service weekdays between 8-4. https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Are you always together?

Missionimprobable · 10/01/2025 16:04

If you want to make a phone call and get help, say you're going shopping or picking up a prescription.
Go into Boots and ask to speak to the pharmacist in the side room, then tell the pharmacist that you need to ring WA, they'll let you have the room.

MNHQ
PipMumsnet · 10/01/2025 16:13

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ 💐

Domestic Violence Support Webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to domestic violence. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence

BlueSky2024 · 10/01/2025 16:18

Do you have a job or are you a stay at home wife?
Do you have any money of your own

Original poster
Sotired222 · 10/01/2025 16:32

Sidebeforeself · 10/01/2025 15:54

Let me guess…I bet you dont have any access to any money either?

I do have a bit of money.

OP posts: