So tired of it

[Sotired222]

I have a really difficult relationship and I'm so tired of it.

My husband wouldn't let me sleep until 2am last night. Was getting me doing things. Then had me up at 6am, made me drink a horrible strong coffee to wake me up. Almost anything I say he shouts at me to shut up. Expects me to do everything he says immediately. He's smacked me round the head 3 times today and crushed my hand if I'm not walking fast enough or just say something wrong.

It's just exhausting trying to please him so much but no matter how hard I try I get it wrong. I feel so sick and so tired. I am so miserable. I have no energy or any confidence to make things better. I just feel stuck in this hell forever.

OP, you are amazing. That first step is the hardest and you have done it!

It’s likely he’s isolated you from family and friends as part of the abuse. They will probably be delighted to hear from you and will want to help you.

Get a caseworker from your local branch of Refuge. They can help you in so many ways. Mine has been such a huge support.

Although the future will not always be a bed of roses, you deserve so much better than the life you had with that monster. I wish you peace, which you will find in time without him. Xx

Can we help you sort through in your mind how to tell people and make the next steps happen?

In my own experience I can think of two close friends whose husbands behaved liked wrong ‘uns and so these friends ultimately needed to report them to the police for violence. They - my friends - both found that their kids’ schools were a great help in getting their kids through it and in taking them seriously. And in your shoes I would focus first on telling the school’s head and then telling any of the teachers who need to know first, to get the safeguarding aspects sorted (husband can’t collect children now presumably? And do you have a non mol / occupation order on the way? Have the police spoken to you about these?) and only then telling a friend / family member who you trust. Tip: people who say they won’t tell anyone else don’t always stick to that! So share what you feel comfortable sharing, not anything they ask you about if you are not ready to share it all yet. In your own time.

I hope you will start to enjoy the feeling of having some peace and quiet at home now.

I was holding my breathe reading this and I'm so happy he's been removed. Please reach out for all and any help you need. Strangers will support you in a way your husband never could, would or wanted to.

OP, I'm so sorry you've been in this appalling situation for so long. Huge well done for going to the police. Do tell people if you possibly can, they will want to help and support you. Keep going, you've made the first and hardest step. He will not win, you can do this. X

Thank you so much for all the kind replies.

The strange thing is I don't feel angry. I don't know why. I just feel very numb. Although in a lot of pain in my leg where he kicked me. But still I don't feel angry. Even now and then it will just cross my mind that I hope he is ok.

The thing is despite all the nastiness he could be very loving to me. He would tuck me up on the sofa with a blanket and kiss me on the head. And in those moments I felt very close to him.

But I never knew when the nastiness would start again.

I know it will probably come a point that I want him back. Because it will feel too difficult without him. But I know I have to stay strong for my DC's sake. They are the most important thing.

I’m so happy you’ve taken the steps to start leaving him.
My Mum left my abusive Dad. She literally ran away to Wales (family there) and us kids found out when we got back from school.
He was abusive towards us too but she just ran, she ran and told everyone she’d left so it was all eyes on my Dad then so he couldn’t touch us.
You need to tell everyone now, family, neighbours, everyone. So they will all know and WATCH.
You can do this, for you, for your children.
Leave him and do it for good.
Good luck to you OP ❤️

He did what appeared to be kind things to keep you there and confuse you. If he hit you every single day eventually you'd leave so he'd do enough to satisfy himself but not so much that you'd leave, Then he needed to confuse you some more so he'd tuck you in, make you a cup of tea etc. once you were back in line and starting to relax he'd kick you, shout at you, etc etc. It is the cycle of abuse.