So tired of it

[Sotired222]

I have a really difficult relationship and I'm so tired of it.

My husband wouldn't let me sleep until 2am last night. Was getting me doing things. Then had me up at 6am, made me drink a horrible strong coffee to wake me up. Almost anything I say he shouts at me to shut up. Expects me to do everything he says immediately. He's smacked me round the head 3 times today and crushed my hand if I'm not walking fast enough or just say something wrong.

It's just exhausting trying to please him so much but no matter how hard I try I get it wrong. I feel so sick and so tired. I am so miserable. I have no energy or any confidence to make things better. I just feel stuck in this hell forever.

You shouldn't be ashamed OP.
Believe me or don't it takes strength to say in a relationship like this.
You have amazing will power and belief to hope things can be better. You have strength when you get up and endure everything you do as you survive though it hoping for change
You need to keep that belief things can be better. Then once you are ready to channel your strength into leaving rather than trying to being a family.
You will be ready when you are ready and that's okay and nothing to be ashamed about.

It won't be easy staying but it sure as he'll doesn't sound easy staying either @Sotired222

Do you not have anyone at all to talk to any family members, neighbours. How old are your children do they go to nursery or school. Do you ever manage to get out of the house so can call someone when you are out.

You have an abusive husband, who is mentally and physically abusing you. He's worn you down, so much that you have lost any self-esteem and self-confidence you may have had. He's deliberately sleep depriving you, simply because he can and he's a sadistic bastard. Nothing you ever do, will be right or good enough, because he wants you in the state you are in - it keeps you compliant, and he enjoys watching you suffer. This is not a 'difficult' relationship, it's an abusive one. Please please seek some help from Woman's Aid and confide in a family member or friend that you trust. You need to get out of this marriage, quicky but safely, any hint that you might leave him, and I think he will resort to more than smacking you around the head - he's a dangerous and unpredictable man.

Your boundaries, already skewed by previous abuse, are being further eroded by your abusive husband now. He targeted you deliberately to abuse you.

If you can go into Boots the chemist and ask for Ani the staff will direct you to domestic violence support services in their safe space.

The only person who should feel shame here is your abuser and he thinks he is above reproach. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

He is angry because he is abusive, not because he is angry. You have never driven him to abuse you, this is all on he and he alone. This man hates women, all of them and your children will be affected by they seeing you being abused by their father.

How did you get away from your previous abuser?. You’re going to have to dig deep here again.

It’s not you. You’re being abused, that’s why your brain tells you negative things about yourself that aren’t true. Please try another domestic violence service. This one is good;

https://www.rcjadvice.org.uk/our-services/domesticabuse/

Your life is not your own while you are living with this man.

OP please use a private browser on your device when you're messaging here or looking up /reading anything about seeking help to leave. Don't leave any trail of anything that might tip him off.

Does he have access to your medication? Is there any concern he may be interfering with it?

Do you have any friends or family that you can reach out to? Another mum on the school run, anyone at all that could help? I would be tempted to tell him your seeking support for your mental health with counseling but be reaching out to services to help you leave.

Op I am really sorry you're going through this

I'm not sure if it's been suggested already but you can also text the police if you register to

This may be a way of contacting them - keep your phone on silent mode if possible

You could possibly ask for the children's school to help you too by talking to them or asking for advice.

I assume he is only abusive with you, but could he be with the children too? You need to get to safety

I understand you also feel panicky at the thought of being without him but I fear he's made you feel that way. :/

Please listen to all the good advice you're getting here. I understand it's going to take courage but you really only need to reach out for help one time effectively and things will get better.

He's in the wrong. It's not your fault. None of it.

Hi, I was in an abusive marriage for 26 years, I really do understand how you feel, I felt the same. 3 years before we divorced I told him I wanted to divorce and he was physically aggressive. I got the courage to tell a friend, then my sister a year later, my sister encouraged me to phone a help line but I was scared incase he found out. It took another year after he was emotionally abusive to my kids to get the courage. I filled an online form with the police, I thought I'd leave a paper trail incase I was seriously hurt one day. The next day the police came early in the morning asking me to make a statement, I said I could come to the station later, I was terrified incase he found out. Five minutes later the police came back and arrested him and he was not allowed near the home. I got an occupational order and non molestation order for a year, in which time I started the divorce. My daughter was 10 yrs old and never speaks of him, my son was 16yrs old and is suffering from depression and having nightmares. They are in therapy now. I felt the same as you, I thought it was my fault that he so angry all the time. The support I got from the police, social worker and DV worker was amazing. Please reach out to someone, the police or safe guarding lead at the children's school. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done but please find the strength for your children. If you want to private message me I'm here to support you ❤️

I just wanted to say I have read this thread so many times. It helped so much.

On Thursday night I rang the police. He has been arrested. He is out on bail but can't come near me.

You've taken the first step towards freedom. Be proud of yourself! Your children will thank you in time when they realize how brave you are.
X

That’s really helpful. For fuck sake! Did you actually even read the post? And if so what part of you thought oh I know…I’ll just heal on some more criticism. I swear to god my mind gets blown on a daily basis by some of the replies on here. I cannot literally fathom how you read that post and decided to write that reply.

This is great news.

All credit to you for making it happen.

He abused you and your kindness and your goodness as a person.

Do you have enough support from friends and family?

Well done, OP. You are very brave to have taken this step! Stay strong for yourself and your children and hopefully you will get free of this awful abuser.

I'm so glad to read you took this step op. This bastard was doling out some serious abuse to you. I'm willing to bet if you can stay strong and not take him back your MH will improve tenfold, his abuse will be the cause of most if not all of it. Many abused women cite brain fog as one of the repercussions of abuse as a way of surviving. It's truly shocking reading the way he treats you and my heart hurt hearing what he's done to you - please now stay strong for your dc's and for yourself. Read this thread back anytime you feel yourself weakening (bc he WILL try to come back.) He will never change and the abuse will get worse and will affect your children badly.

Well done OP. I’m glad the thread helped you. There are some wise people on here. Reread the thread as many times as you need to. This will feel scary, unknown but it is the first step to freedom for an abusive partner.

Should say ‘from an abusive partner’

That is great news. It is difficult, but you should not have to live like that.

I've not told anyone. I don't know how...

So glad to read this OP, you’ve taken the hardest step 💐

I know I have the biggest challenge yet to come. I really hope I can do this!

Well done my love. You're brave like a lion! Please please tell your friends and family. They will support you and you need that support. You have done NOTHING to feel ashamed about - the shame is all his. He is a disgusting human being. Can you call women's aid and ask for support too? There are so many women who have been through what you are going through and they can help you. Look after yourself lovely 💐

Don’t speak to him, get all the support you can to make a new future for you and your children. You will feel a bit lost at times but as horrible as your life has been that had become your normal.

it is not a life you deserve, your partner is extremely abusive and a danger to you and your children.

He is out of the house now, the worst bit is done.

Find your anger, it’s energy, and create your new life x