I’ve fucked everything up

[OHara1991]

I’ve been with him for almost 16 years, married seven. We have two small children and a wonderful life.

I was getting really down about my weight after the summer and secretly arranged to start ozempic. I hid it because I knew it would be a flat no from him and I wanted to do it any way (which is obviously very selfish of me), I’ve never hid anything before. I did it for around three months, then when he asked me about it one day (if I was taking it) I lied to his face and said I’d only tried it once. Right then I stoped and felt truly terrible, but hoped we would would just move past it, I promised myself to never be such a twat ever again. I don’t know why I lied but after I did I felt I couldn’t go back as it would only be worse, and I essentially ended up fucking gas lighting him. Which makes me a truly terrible person, and I’m shocked I was even capable
of it.

Any way, he found out today, saw it all on my online banking. He is (rightly) distraught, I feel like I’ve sleep walked into fucking up his life, our kids lives and my life.

I don’t really know why I’m posting, will we ever be able to recover from this? I haven’t been able to stop crying I just can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.

I will not fuck off. Your post is actually disgusting, who speaks to another person like that. Even if your opinion is different, it does not give you a right to name call to that extent. Disgusting.

My DH and I like to be considerate of each others preferences... E.g I prefer him clean shaven and he hates when I wear ankle boots.

But sometimes he let's his beard grow and I wear my damn ankle boots.

The idea of controlling each other in the way your DH controls you would terrify me.

If it was a finances issue and joint money then I believe he absolutely has a say. But the fact that you paid for it and it is YOUR body, means he is being unreasonable and massively over dramatic.

I would also delve into the level of guilt that you feel in regards to this issue. I wouldnt be surprised if there is much more emotional manipulation going on than you even realise. You've been together a very long time and conditioning can happen slowly.

You should have to lie about wanting to do ozempic and if you want botox you should be able to have it without it becoming a massive thing.

Botox wears off very quickly. It isn't the same as a partner getting a tattoo (but I personally believe you should be able to get anything on your body you want as long at it isn't offensive).

Tell him to get a grip.

This is not a decision he gets to have a "no" on. Or even much of an opinion on. It's up to you how you manage your health.

And since he shouldn't be dictating to you on matters like this, personally I'd just tell him to go take a hike. Whether you're doing weight loss injections, taking little purple pills to make your hair shiny or anything else he might disapprove of, these aren't matters that he gets to have a say on so it's irrelevant whether you're open and honest about them. People are entitled in most circumstances to keep details about their health to themselves in relationships, although most people do feel able to be open and honest and support each other.

I'm glad it's not just me thinking that. I thought I might need to go back to bed and hope it makes a bit more sense when I wake up.

OP is in the wrong. Her husband is a good man. End of story. Get a grip.

A good man doesn’t decide his wife can’t have a medical intervention that she feels she needs and is able to pay for. He doesn’t create an atmosphere when he doesn’t get his own way. He doesn’t put her in a place where she would lie rather than risk his wrath. A good man recognises you can’t forbid another adult to do anything.

The house would be jointly owned but your body is only owned by you.

It's sounds like you're the piece of shit @OpenOP with you're vile personal attack on the op

Ops husband by any chance?

We are against coercive control, not men.

I doubt you're a woman, you sound like a very bitter woman hating man

He is a manipulative fuck. It has nothing to do with him whether you take ozempic, have botox, have fillers, get your hair dyed etc. Nothing - you are an adult and can make that choice. Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you have a right to control what they do to their own body. Just no.

You lied because he is an unsupportive twat. Can I ask why did he suspect you were on it? Because I think he maybe likes you being overweight because in his insecure mind it means you’re less likely to leave him. So when you were losing weight, he got paranoid.

If he wants to leave you for this, fine. I’d let him. He’s absolutely pathetic. A normal person probably wouldn’t even have asked if you were on ozempic and if you said no, would have dropped it even if they thought you weren’t telling the truth.

People naturally get self conscious about stuff like weights and diet and appearance. It’s normal to not tell your partner absolutely everything.

He’s a prick OP and you need to call him out on it and tell him some home truths. If he was a nice supportive person you wouldn’t have felt the need to lie.

It’s massively expensive - I’d certainly expect a veto if my husband wanted to start paying hundreds of pounds a month for something.
But then we are a shares all finances couple not a this is my percentage and this yours couple.

👋@OpenOP

Aw you poor thing. I think he does have a right to be upset maybe even hurt as you have lied but I’m sure it’s not to the extent you’re going to break up. My hubby kept the secret hed cheated twice on me when we’d been together a few weeks but it was 20 years ago I wasn’t too bothered about the cheating but the fact he’d lied to me all these years and your secret is no where near as bad as his, we got through it and are better than ever now. Funny enough he is just starting a weight loss jab, I am feeling a little insecure about it and a bit annoyed as I lost all my weight with hard work I’ve told him about it, hes reassured me. None of us are perfect and we all have our faults and insecurities give him a bit of time to cool down and then talk. There’s faults on both sides and you both are only human. I’m sure it will all be ok xxx

I’ve read more of the thread.
Goodness me there are some weird marriages about.
I cannot imagine a situation where either DH or I did something the other disagreed with.

Its the equivelent of £20 a week initially. I spend more on than that on work lunches and coffees and wouldnt seek a partners approval to spend that much even if finances were 100% shared.

Surely if you explained you know you made a huge mistake by lying and promised to never lie again that should be enough. It's not like you were having an affair & lying to hide it. The fact you lied out of fear of him finding out you were taking medication he didn't agree with is something he should try to understand from your perspective. I feel you are beating yourself up unnecessarily. Your DH is overreacting to something he should be trying harder to understand given many women have huge issues regarding weight. I hope he isn't using this as an excuse to distance himself from you OP. I would be asking him if there is anything else about you that's upsetting him.