To think this was rude to say in front of our child?

[Fizzaway]

NC but I feel quite upset still and a bit embarrassed posting this but wanted to get thoughts as he’s making me feel I’m being dramatic.
Maybe I’m wrong and OTT.
DH was off work yesterday and was in with our toddler, I was at work all day. As soon as I got in, he asked me to make him a tea. I had just walked in and I felt slightly annoyed that the first thing he said to me when I got in was to make a tea and the house was an absolute state, I got no hello, just “can you make a tea?” I said come on I’ve literally just walked in. He kept asking me and I said ok fine I’ll make one. Anyway as I walked out to the kitchen I heard him say loudly to our child “mummy has a stick up her arse”

I can’t believe he said that, I thought it was disrespectful especially in front of our child regardless whether or not they understand what it means. DH thinks I’m overreacting, and that it’s a nothing comment and doesn’t understand why I’m bothered by it.

Also the day before as our child has a pretend tea set, it comes with “cakes” and tagged misplaced them. I asked where they were and he pipes up “on your arse” also in front of her. I’m not the smallest, I’m a stone and a bit overweight so I get I’m not the same since my daughter was born and I do need to lose it. I’m trying to lose it and have started counting calories and exercising. But that hurt. And he’s never said anything like that before to me. And then he backtracked and said it was a compliment? And all of a sudden it was my issue and he was looking at me like I’m nuts.

was he being rude?

Awful around OP

Ugh should say Awful all around OP. He's a dick.

I'd have told him to ram the stick up his own arse.

He sounds horrible.

He sounds awful. I would have made him a cup of tea with salt instead of sugar!
He is chipping away at you. Is this new behaviour?

He’s been snappier with me ever since DD was born, feels I can’t do a lot right by him since she’s been born and it’s been stressful with money, we both work full time so it’s a juggle, but these types of comments are new. He doesn’t seem to understand they aren’t appropriate. I’ve told him what I think.

He’s being a dick.
its stressful looking after a toddler all day so I get he might have been whacked when you walked in but so would you have been after a full day at work.
Sounds like you need to have a little chat about sharing jobs and care for your toddler. It’s hard work and being snippy and unkind won’t help!
Also OP this is not a your weight issue it’s a him being a dick issue. He should ALWAYS be respectful to you and not just in front of your family.

It's really awful for children to hear one parent badmouth the other, especially as they get older, they'll just feel they are being used as a buffer zone to ease the conflicts between two adults.

Please tell me you didn’t still go make him a cup of tea?

He sounds what my nan would have called 'uncouth' and also a bit thick..? I'm thinking this isn't a new side of him he's suddenly revealed, so either he's escalating or you're starting to get sick of living with such a person. Absolutely you should tell him not to say these things in front of your child, bit the point is, a decent higher standard of man wouldn't have dreamt of saying them in the first place. Or demanded to be waited on. Or had a dig at your weight. You can try to tell him what isn't a acceptable, but he is what he is and I think while you may win the battle you'll lose the war.

I can't really criticise tbh. It's easy to end up crabby after a long day and your DC will do well in life with a sentence like "mummy has a stick up her arse" in her armoury. You need a lively comeback.

What do you see in him OP? He sounds like a right twat.
I wonder what that kid’s first words will be…

Oh he does understand @Fizzaway

He is passive aggressively telling you to fuck off. Same than with the ‘make me tea’ before saying hello whilst leaving the house a tip and then it will be your fault if the house is a mess

That’s awful, he shouldn’t be saying things like that, but the worst thing is that he thinks them.

Nasty, belittling and deliberate.

Good fathers do not use such vulgar language to their child about their mum.

He's scum.
Do not have more children with him.
Talk to your family.

Abusive scum ramp it up when children arrive.
He thinks you are stuck.
Don't stay with a scummy man.
You deserve better, so does your child.

Of course he understands

Hes vile

He sounds horrible, OP. What does this man bring you that is positive?

That's no way to speak in front of a child or to you.
He's either nasty, or, if if really doesn't understand (doubtful) thick.

Of course he’s a complete dick, but if you get a chance one day when he comes home from work ask for a cup of tea. I’m sure he’ll jump right to it…

Omg ltb.

In this one snapshot.

Nasty, selfish, lazy, sexist, mean, disrespectful, horrible horrible man.

He doesn’t seem to understand they aren’t appropriate. I’ve told him what I think.

Yes he does. He just doesn’t care. He thinks he can treat you like shit now you're tied with a baby.

That's horrible OP there's no excuse to say this things, in front of your child especially! I have a family member who's parents always bad mouthed the other to her and the effect it's had on her has been huge. Do not let this become normalised for you and your daughter to hear!

Part of being a good father is modelling good relationships for his children. He is not doing that. If he has a problem with you he should save it until you are alone together. Regardless of anything else.

Others have said it but please stop telling yourself that he 'doesn't understand' because he absolutely does. He's just choosing to pretend it's not a big deal or not 'worth' understanding your point of view, like your feelings don't matter.

Start working on the basis that he understands completely and is making a conscious choice to feign ignorance so he can carry on, and I think you'll realise very quickly exactly what he thinks of you.

Have you stopped having sex with him ?
😂

Sorry to be facetious. But seems to drive a lot of men over the edge into "snappy".

Men need sex to feel love and women need love to feel like sex and all that. And after childbirth we often DON'T want sex.

Understandably, from our perspective. From their perspective, we're being nagging cold frigid wives...