To think this was rude to say in front of our child?

[Fizzaway]

NC but I feel quite upset still and a bit embarrassed posting this but wanted to get thoughts as he’s making me feel I’m being dramatic.
Maybe I’m wrong and OTT.
DH was off work yesterday and was in with our toddler, I was at work all day. As soon as I got in, he asked me to make him a tea. I had just walked in and I felt slightly annoyed that the first thing he said to me when I got in was to make a tea and the house was an absolute state, I got no hello, just “can you make a tea?” I said come on I’ve literally just walked in. He kept asking me and I said ok fine I’ll make one. Anyway as I walked out to the kitchen I heard him say loudly to our child “mummy has a stick up her arse”

I can’t believe he said that, I thought it was disrespectful especially in front of our child regardless whether or not they understand what it means. DH thinks I’m overreacting, and that it’s a nothing comment and doesn’t understand why I’m bothered by it.

Also the day before as our child has a pretend tea set, it comes with “cakes” and tagged misplaced them. I asked where they were and he pipes up “on your arse” also in front of her. I’m not the smallest, I’m a stone and a bit overweight so I get I’m not the same since my daughter was born and I do need to lose it. I’m trying to lose it and have started counting calories and exercising. But that hurt. And he’s never said anything like that before to me. And then he backtracked and said it was a compliment? And all of a sudden it was my issue and he was looking at me like I’m nuts.

was he being rude?

I’ll get really fed up of people making these kind of generalisations. It’s just bollocks. You can’t make a comment on other women and what they need to feel sexual. please can people stop making these stupid comments about genders and their preferences I find it so, patronising and reductive my ex was way more likely to need lovely Dovey stuff to get him in the mood than I was. I’m still a woman. Honestly. This gender stereotyping is so unhelpful.

feeling really upset now, guess this is partly my fault. Yes, it is your fault. You married and procreated with a dickhead.

Yes, loads of men start being nasty once dc's arrive and they think they've got you trapped. You were daft to make him the tea - I'd have told him to get lost.

can he not boil a kettle?

He has been off all day and he asked you to make a cuppa the minute you walked in the door - he should have had your tea on (I mean tea/dinner).

He shouldn't have said that but I would have come back with something sarcastic, along the lines of no it 's a broom to do all the housework daddy doesn't do when he's home all day (to him but out of earshot of DC)

What a charmer.
Time to sit him down for a serious chat!

I have lived my entire life without using or needing such a sentence.

You don't act nasty just because you have children.

I would be less upset by the comment and more upset/annoyed by the fact he asked you to make him a cup of tea.

Whats worse is that you did it!

I don’t understand why you didn’t just say no, you make it whilst I go and get changed out of my work stuff.

This has way more meaning than him wanting a cup of tea.
He wanted to assert his dominance by making you do something for him, knowing you had just got in.
When you expressed your unhappiness, he got your child involved to stamp you down even further.

This is not a good relationship.

Why did you resurrect an old thread?
Can you not find any current threads to comment on? 🤔

He's a total BOAR (as in wild pig). Crude, rude, dumb and very unattractive!
How dare he use this language in front of an innocent child??
Appalling.

He is not a good dad. He really isn't. He's an awful father.

Your child is just a toddler. Imagine the effect of using coarse language like that in front of a child that age - let alone about their mother? Imagine how bewildering and upsetting that would be for a child who is far too young to understand.

Then, a little further down the line, when the child is old enough to comprehend what they are seeing a little better, what do they see as their example? Misogyny, contempt for women, the attitude that women are service robots for cooking and providing household services.

This is nothing short of terrible parenting on his part. You don't have to tolerate this - nor should you.

Time to channel your inner Michelle (from the old film 'Rita, Sue and Bob Too').

'Make your own fucking tea!'

I'm so sorry OP. That is so rude and disrespectful and he needs to pack it in.

after the "stick up the arse" comment, I'd have taken the child "somewhere to play" and said loudly "look now daddy has time to clean up the mess"

ETA: as to the issue of sex. When you are both relaxed and the child is in bed tell him that things like this make your desire to have sex with him (let alone "make love") plunges into the negative area. And that if he wants to resume normal relations then you need a normal relationship where you share the work and don't make twattish comments to each other (especially not when the child is there)

Let him "earn it" as it were.

You need to be point blank blunt with him @Fizzaway.

No woman wants to have sex with a rude man-child who doesn't pull his weight. I genuinely don't know why men don't get this. It's such a basic in life and yet they want it all. Someone to pick up their underwear, cook their tea and clean the skid marks off the toilet. And then to continue to find them sexy and desirable.

He was rude. And he should be making you tea, you just came in from work. He's an arse.

Very helpful…….not!!

Would you say a woman had been 'off all day' had she been looking after a child?

Yes, because for a woman, looking after a child even if BF is just like playing with dolls, but for a man, looking after a child is a hard day's graft.

No man should be expected to have to make his own cuppa after such navvying, when his missus has done naff all apart from go to her little job to earn pin money.

My genitals would have clamped shut before i'd had the chance to say 'Make your own cuppa'

If you'd just walked in from work he should be offering to make you a tea.

And how is your post helping?

Whilst pouring the tea over his head.

Is he always like this @Fizzaway ?

In your situation I just would have just replied ‘make your own fucking tea, I’ve been at work all day. Mines milk one sugar. Make it snappy.’

There’s a really simple solution, don’t tolerate it. Call him up on it.

Seriously?

You think it's (potential) lack of sex that's making him a rude pig?

If that were really the case he'd never be getting any from me ever again (whilst I filed for divorce)

FFS!! It is NOT your fault and speaking to you like that in front of your child makes him a shit dad, not a good one.

You're being run into the ground whilst your Lord and Master sits on his arse.

It's time for a very serious discussion about your future whilst you quietly line up your ducks