He's disappeared after I sent a pic of myself

[Powderpinkpenguin]

Hi 👋 I just needed somewhere to vent this .
I met a man two months ago ( so he has seen what I look like face to face ) while I was out with friends for my birthday drinks.
We chatted, flirted & swapped numbers.
Since then we have been chatting back and forth, we've also arranged to meet up next week.
We added each other on social media also.
So lots of pics of me on there for him to see and vice versa.
He sent me a photo of himself at work yesterday morning, I had a day off and was out walking , I sent one back. It wasn't the most glamorous pic, but very natural and I look like myself still.
He instantly msg back wow you look stunning 😍 I then msg back thank u and he said he had to go back to work .
I said enjoy your day.
He hasn't msg since then, nothing. It seems he has ghosted me.
I just feel a bit low as I have a feeling it was the pic I sent him 😔 it's got me feeling all insecure , I've showed the pic to two very honest friends and they have said its a lovely photo , they would say if it was bad.
He obviously didn't like it 🙄

Yes. But isn't the problem with modern dating the fact that no one really communicates openly; it's mostly via WhatsApp or another messaging service? Voices aren't heard, body language isn't seen. The OP is playing a guessing game with herself as to why the guy I think, she's met only once in two months hasn't pinged off a reply to a message sent yesterday. That's unrealistic. The only way to get to know what's going on in his head is by talking to him. What's the point in swapping numbers if you don't talk to one another?

Or, she could just leave it and put it down to experience.

Have you ever done any CBT? It helps you to classify disordered thinking. I can't remember the exact names they give each type of thinking but your comment 'He obviously didn't like it' is called something like 'mindreading'. You can't possibly know what he actually thought, beyond what he told you which was that you looked stunning and he had to go back to work.

Equally likely scenarios include - he is madly busy at work or he has decided to send you a more naturalistic pic of himself in return and is waiting for some free time to do so, or is feeling like he is punching above his weight because you look gorgeous even when you are not dressed up, or he suddenly came down with a cold or he has a family crisis to deal with or any number of other reasons.

I agree, it was such a short message, he was able to read it without opening it, I think OP is just looking for some kind of reassurance from MN but she’s getting (typical of MN) a lot of LTB type responses just because he hasn’t responded in 24hrs….

It's very problematic and also very common. Fretting about texting is suffocating.

READ. THE. OPs. POSTS.

He's been asking for dates, she hasn't agreed to one.

The exact same thing happened to me too. Wasn't pleasant.

I bet it's nothing whatever to do with you and he has a habit of expressing enthusiasm for a woman and then completely dropping her. God knows why but it's no longer your problem. I hope you meet someone better next time.

This is such rubbish! There are plenty of men who are shy or insecure or just not all-out alpha males. If you want a jack-the-lad then you go for it; but you miss out on lots of decent men who just aren't hunter gatherers.

OP your man certainly hasn't been.put off by your last photo. There's something going on in his life; he might have met someone else, he might be sick, he might have left his phone on the train, his mum might have died. You'll need to leave it a bit longer to see what the truth is.

Myself, I don't understand this position that some women take; that if you make any pro-active move you look desperate. I think you look interested, and, if you are interested, that's a good thing. People play too many games and would be better served by being open and honest. Life is too short to waste time on trying to project some false image. Here you stressing and asking a pile of strangers on the Internet for their opinion, when all you have to do is pick up the phone

It's been a day, maybe his phone broke, or he lost it, or he's had a family or work emergency. Or he's ghosted for some random other reason, like he got back with his ex, but isn't polite enough to tell you. No reason to assume it's the picture other than your insecurities

I'd leave it a day or so and follow up with a "hi just checking in." If he doesn't reply then I'd suggest you move on.
It's hard with modern dating when it's text based! Especially if it's been high frequency texting and drops off.

I doubt.

I have read the whole thread and my advice still stands

Regardless of who can meet / can't meet, you've built up an online relationship. Without meeting. Modern day equivalent of having a pen pal I suppose

Maybe he's grown tired of that? Maybe he didn't like the photo? Maybe he's met someone else?

We can't know.

Most likely he's uninterested and does NOT see you as someone he wants to pursue. It's his issue, not yours. Also, you met him while you were drinking .... men are VERY different once the alcohol burns off. Also, I don't recommend having penpal chats with dates on WhatsApp - meet them face-to-face. A lot of men will befriend you online to decide whether they want to invest in you.

Work on your self-confidence and get back out there.

Perhaps he thought he's punching because even in your most natural state you still look gorgeous, maybe he has developed an inferiority complex and is unsure of himself, or maybe he's had a calamity or maybe he has a gf, could be any amount of reasons

But I’ve also done this. Twice I’ve been messaging a guy then he’s sent a photo and I’ve realised I don’t find him that attractive. That’s ok, you just move on.

OP needs to take the hint, dust herself off and stride forwards.

Men don’t wait two months after first meet for a date. He was never going to date you. He was just using the texting as a bit of ego massage/ amusement while he was bored

Couldn't agree more. All this angst and navel gazing over words (or lack of words) on a screen. Tone and intent overlaid by the reader not the writer. Conversation is what builds connection.

Yeah, I kind of agree. I think you took too long to meet him again.

Oh for goodness sake! Why do some women need constant communication from men they are casually dating to allay their insecurities?

He says he likes you and thinks you’re stunning. You’ve arranged a date for next week. What more do you want?

So what if he’s not replied or even read your last message? It’s been a day. Perhaps he’s busy. Perhaps he can’t think of anything to say.

Why don’t you concentrate on something else instead of checking his social media? He’ll be in touch I’m sure and, if not, you can just drop him a casual message in a day or two asking how his week is going and saying you’re looking forward to next week.

It really shouldn’t be that complicated.

No she doesn’t.

Do you know that some people have this thing called a job so perhaps he's busy working or catching up with his mum or something? It's only been a day - get a grip.

It was only yesterday. He might just be bored with the constant messaging (I would be) and taking a breather

After one short meet up and just a few months of messaging, I'd say it's still too soon to know him well enough to know if you like him. I don't understand why 1 day of silence has you doubting yourself, considering you barely know him.

Ummm, he hasn’t lost his phone, he isn’t too busy to send a text that takes 30 seconds to do. He has had another option. When/if it falls through he will be back on the text telling you that he has been really busy or lost his phone…

Delete his number and move on.

I think you're reading too much into it. As others have said, if he is ghosting you, it's not because of a picture.