Freeloader?

[Potsy123]

Hi everyone, so something has been bothering me …. I am a single mum of four on universal credit and have been with a guy for almost five years now (still live separately) I haven’t got a huge income whereas the man I’m with has a very decent salary. He comes to my house and doesn’t bring anything to contribute food wise (sometimes stays for three nights eating my food etc) the other day he brought a pack of sausages… we didn’t end up eating them and so he took them back with him when he left …. I’m a little gobsmacked and not sure how to address it. I feel used and it’s quite in my face and so not sure what to say when it happens (this has happened before with other food!!) any advice would be appreciated!

Dump.

BIN

He’s a user.
A parasite.
He’s using you.
He’s saving on his utilities too when he’s at yours.
Hes insensitive and tight.
He’s literally not bringing anything to the party.

Dump him. Do it today.
New year, new life!

Cocklodging freeloading parasite - bye bye mate.

End this relationship today. He is a freeloader/cocklodger who targeted you accordingly and over 5(!) years. Teach your kids far better lessons about relationships. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Raise your relationship bar going forward and as part of that read Women who love too much by Dr Robin Norwood.

You quite rightly feel used.
Either a straight conversation - I can't afford for you to be in my home with no contribution. Please do a shop to bring with you.
or
being an inconsiderate tight-arse is very unattractive, goodbye.

Considering this even needs to be a discussion with a supposedly full grown adult I would end it.

What happens when you stay at his?

How can you be not sure what to say? Jesus, he takes £ and resources away from you and your 4 DC constantly for 5 years and you've put up with it until this sausage/straw that breaks the camel's back. How can it still only be bothering you and not something you say out loud to this freeloading piece of shit???

"I cannot believe you took the packet of sausages back after I've fed and housed you for half the week for five years and you've contributed precisely fuck all. It's over. Enjoy your rotten sausages, you miserable selfish tight bastard."

You are being used, definitely dump!

It’s also happened before now that he’s been out and got food for himself and stored it in my fridge to take back with him the following day …. It’s just so in my face I find it hard to know what to say? Other than .. are you for real???? He buys food when I stay at his but I don’t often go there as have my children the majority of the time.

He sounds very tight.
However what about the rest? If you go out, do you each pay? Does he treat you to things? Was he mean at Christmas?

Why has it taken you this long to realise?

What a loser. Sponging off a single mum!

I think you are asking the wrong question.
You should be asking yourself why you use money that could be spent on your children on a man?
And why you essentially pay to be in a relationship?

We go half on everything - went on holiday and he even added up the cost of half the fish and chips. I think it’s just because he earns so much and treats himself to nice clothes - nice food when he has his children etc but when my children have been there it’s burgers or sausages … I’ve broached it with him before that it feels mean but he continues to do it)

the other day he brought a pack of sausages… we didn’t end up eating them and so he took them back with him when he left 😮

I have heard or stingy men that are on decent salaries, but I'm wondering if he's lied to you about that. That doesn't mean that he's poor mind you, just that he could have told you he's on a high salary thinking that a woman with 4 children would see him as more attractive. :/

Dump

I went out with a guy like this for a bit - eg. he'd ask for the money back for a marsbar he bought me when he went in the garage to pay for petrol, or for half the supermarket takeaway (when I was providing wine etc. for it)

He knows what he's doing, and will be rubbing his hands at how thrifty he is - you have to play him at the same game (if you want to maintain the relationship) - if he stays, send him a request for half the money for the food (itemise it, these fuckers love itemised bills).

It's a fundamentally different way of thinking - most people just keep a rough running tally and keep it pretty much fair. These people keep an exact total, and consider any money they don't have to spend a win - even if it's at their supposedly loved-one's expense

I know he’s on a good salary - he obviously has outgoings but given that he spends more time here but contributes nothing (sometimes brings a half drunk bottle of wine) it’s just getting to the point where it feels unfair and like I’m supporting him a little.

He stays over 3 days a week? That's nearly half the month you're paying for him, not a little. A lot.

Why on earth have you tolerated this for 5years?

He’s showing you loud and clear who he is and his little he thinks of you. It’s kit even about being tight, he’s basically showing you that you and your kids don’t mean anything to him. He’s getting sex, food and a free ride.

Get rid of this zero effort twat.

When was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers?

if I get flowers it’s the cheapest bunch …. I don’t want extravagance and I’m not looking to getting treated like a bloody queen but something would be nice

He's tight with money and that's very unattractive. I think you should dump him and take your DC out for dinner as a treat with the non you'll save from feeding him!

Indirectly you’re paying for his nice clothes and the nice food for his children while he watches your children eat burgers or sausages. Why have you accepted being inferior? Why are you allowing him to reduce his food and his utility bills? Feel your anger, don’t discuss and dump the CF.