Freeloader?

[Potsy123]

Hi everyone, so something has been bothering me …. I am a single mum of four on universal credit and have been with a guy for almost five years now (still live separately) I haven’t got a huge income whereas the man I’m with has a very decent salary. He comes to my house and doesn’t bring anything to contribute food wise (sometimes stays for three nights eating my food etc) the other day he brought a pack of sausages… we didn’t end up eating them and so he took them back with him when he left …. I’m a little gobsmacked and not sure how to address it. I feel used and it’s quite in my face and so not sure what to say when it happens (this has happened before with other food!!) any advice would be appreciated!

So what's the point of this relationship?

What does he bring to you other than have sex with you and have free meals?

Wont even empty the bin … I’m a big overthinker and I know I’m also highly sensitive but it’s so obviously unacceptable and not only that it shows how he feels for me and my children.

He’s not going to change after 5 years so you have a choice between keep allowing yourself and your kids to be treated like crap or find your self respect and tell him it’s over.

Honestly being single is far far better than being taken advantage of by this tight arsed freeloader

….which is a free meal, a shag and a bowl and tea and toast in the mornings. If he’s really crafty he’ll bring his laundry with him and get his shirts ironed as well.

Bargain for a bunch of supermarket flowers and box of maltesers on your birthday.

Dump

Wow, @Potsy123. This cunning moocher has had a really good thing going for 5 years. While you have been abundantly providing for him and subsidizing his and his children’s nice lifestyle, he has consistently devalued and used you and your family.

Your children need to learn about respectful, equitable relationships, which this certainly is not. Get rid of this leech asap.

This will look as if I’m getting at you, I’m really not, but how has it taken this long to see what this chap is. From what you say he’s shown you what he is time and time again. He sounds absolutely awful. He’s in this relationship for himself alone. It takes 2 to tango, he’s dancing alone.

I'd be telling him take your sausages home and stuff them up your arse!
Freeloading prick...ta ta.

Not another one! Every penny you spend on him is a penny less for your DC!

You are also teaching your DC that they are less than his DC. Imagine how they are feeling?

He knows what he's doing.

Tell him it's over. He's not going to change.

Unless it was a HUGE pack of sausages ..they weren't going to feed 6 of you ..what we he thinking ???
Get rid

why wouldn’t you say something?

I couldn’t be with someone who was so mean spirited. I’m fairly generous, so it’s something I look for in a partner! When I love someone I LIKE sharing what I have and hopefully it’s returned! He’s being incredibly tight, move on Op.

He’s putting minimum effort into this relationship and getting as much out of it as he can OP. He’s using you x

How can you be helped into getting rid of this man?.

People pleasing behaviour comes about from wanting to parent please an otherwise emotionally distant or otherwise unavailable parent. You were also taught by your parents (most likely) to be quiet and put your own needs dead last; a lethal combination that users and abusers find most attractive. You need therapy for this behaviour because it has done you no favours and your children could become people pleasers too.

And I daresay you are not over sensitive either; that is a charge abusers level at their target to get them to further comply with their demands. This man targeted you deliberately because of your practically non existent boundaries and from that felt he could easily exploit you for his own ends.

The government give you universal credit for you and your children, not your free loading boyfriend, get shot of him today and treat the kids.

Are you going to dump him Op? This man isn't making you happy is he.

You don't go half on everything

I echo the free loading, cocklodger, parasite comments but the major factor for why he does this is because you let him!! I cannot believe you have prioritised this cf for five years.

GET RID! Don’t try to appeal to his non cf side because he doesn’t have one.

He also works from home and eats when he’s here without contributing. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice - much appreciated.

Look OP send him a message saying you can't afford for him to stay over anymore or feed him and he'll have to go home after visiting.

I love the idea of an itemised bill but I'm reality it's probably far off retraining yourself not to be a people pleaser.

Really you should end it. You're getting nothing out of this relationship, it hasn't got the staying distance and he'll never change.

I can’t believe he brings half a bottle of wine! What a stinge. That’s an insult. I can’t believe you haven’t said anything.

It’s just the tip of the iceberg - in isolation it’s pretty crappy but together with quite a few things it’s best I let this guy go. Being on my own scares me but it should scare me more being with the wrong man for my children and I.

So he works from home in your house?! Does he open your fridge and help himself to all your food? It gets worse.

Yes - when he’s been here he’ll help himself to food. I wouldn’t mind it if he brought food/offered to help/generally gave me something in return to show he cared and wasn’t just here and using me!