Hi,
Just looking for some honest abuse. Me and my partner are both 27. I met him whilst he was on a school exchange program. He is from America.
After a year or so, I was getting bored of England and agreed to move there.
We have a wonderful life. A nice apartment. A cat. I earn good money here. So does he. He loves America and whilst he likes visiting England, he doesn't want to live there.
Problem is, I'm getting so weary of my life here. I wake up and I'm not excited. That spark is gone. I've torn myself apart and put myself together to fit in this world. But I'm thinking about my future and having kids away from my family and it's putting things into perspective.
We've spoken about it and he doesn't want to move. But I miss my family so much. Each time I visit, I come back a wreck and it takes literally a couple of months before I can get out of the depression.
He knows but we've ignored it for so long. We've been dating for 6 years and it feels like I'm throwing the love of my life away.
Am I dumb for trying to make this work? I've lived here for over 4 years now. But when I wake up, I just feel exhausted. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't have hobbies. I don't think I recognised this until I realised I do want children, just not here.
So I'm at an impasse. We've spoken about it, fought over it and cried over it. But he doesn't want to live where I want to. At least not right now.
I'm jealous when we spend so much time with his family. When he goes out with his parents, it makes me envious. I don't want to resent him, because I'm in love with him.
The issue is now that he's started making comments. I think it's underlying because he's worried he will lose me. He makes comments about England in an almost spiteful way, he gets upset if my family visit over little things but never admits and still wants me to spend time with him as much as possible when they visit. The trips with my family are exhausting because of this. Recently, my family visited and the same day we had a (milder) home emergency (like, the power went out level, not someone got injured level.). I refused to cancel my planned day out, and he left me a voicemail which was actually rather nasty. He apologised profusely, but the anger shocked me and left me quite overwhelmed. I know there's a reason for this anger and its insecurity. But it worries me because if it wasn't this, would it be something else? Do I excuse behaviour which is so recent and so isolated?
I don't know what to do.