New year's text message to another woman

[parker06]

My husband messaged another woman just after midnight new year's eve that he is proud of her. Already had some history with her, inappropriate things which ilhe told me he was over. Is telling someone there proud of them something a friend or more a lover does?

My husband was 'so proud of her' for running a marathon he was having an affair with her

It's the time that he sent it that suggests something more than just friends.

It's not over between them, he should be leaving her well alone if he was serious about repairing your relationship.

I take it this is the same woman you have posted about in your other threads OP?

I'm sorry but it sounds as though she is still at the forefront of his thoughts and he is still very much emotionally involved with her at the very least.

What is he proud of her for?

What do you mean by history of inappropriate things, do you mean an old fling and now friend (the fling part is over pre you) or something that's happened during your relationship?

If the latter he shouldn't be contacting her at all. Not about anything (unless kids).

If the former, hard to say. Any idea what he's referring to?

Yes the same woman from other threads, lots of stares, handholds, hugs, telling her he cares and things before and then said it was over so we've been pushing through. I have no idea what he's proud of, I read his phone when he went to the loo in the pub

So it's the work wife.
Who he said he cut contact with
Then moved jobs and begged her to join his new firm.

OP with all due respect please read and re read every response in those threads. Your husband is walking all over you. Do not give him any more chances. Look what he's doing to you. Fgs your trust is so shot you're checking his phone desperately at any opportunity you can get.

Don't defend your actions. Understand what he's doing to you. Leave this

Come on OP, time to save yourself from this torture. Walk away.

Next NYE, you'll be glad you started today.

You don’t need ‘evidence’ of what he is doing, you can feel it. You don’t need to prove anything if you want to leave. You don’t even need a reason. You can just end it.

Taking into account the work wife bit, which OP has mentioned, not you, then it is time to kick him out of your life.
Do you have children? Do you work? If you do not work, it is time for you to get into the job market and get a full time position. And seek legal advice regarding divorce.
OP, he is destroying you with his actions, over and over. The trying to correct his behaviour speaking seems to have past long ago if he asked this woman to move jobs with him! After he said he was stopping the innapropriateness. Life is too short to waste it on this game players.

Thank you all. I've only tried to work it out for so long because of my parents, friends, social standing, the house, finances etc I mentioned it to my father and although he was upset with his behaviour he loves my husband and told me to try. Our friends are all tight knit and I don't know how a divorce would impact that. I do have a good job so I would be ok but he does earn loads more. Staying together for all the wrong reasons I know. Probably the same reasons he stays with me because he clearly doesn't love me anymore

You do not have children, then? Leave ASAP.

No children

I'd be livid. Doesn't look good at all.

No children and you have a good job.

Walk away with your head held high.

He's not worth another second of your time.

Separate your relationship with him from how others feel about him.

He can be a wonderful son in law, friend and colleague but also be a shit husband.

He's a shit husband, how many more years of this torment do you want?

Make a new life for yourself.

Your sanity, emotional wellbeing and future happiness are worth way more than those things you listed out above. Life's too short for this nonsense 💪

Really? Don’t you text your friends happy new year?

Not saying this text is innocent, but I’d say plenty of people text their friends at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

I'd also let the woman know that you are dumping him in case he gives her a line that he's leaving you for her.

Make it clear she wasn't good enough for him to leave you for her but now he's a free man she can have him all to herself! Then laugh.

I don't think those are wrong reasons. They are completely understandable reasons. Those things are important, and letting go of them, in the middle of the emotional turmoil of a divorce would be very hard. You lose a lot in divorce - your financial security and social framework.

I'm not saying you should stay, but don't give yourself a hard time for valuing these things - they are very important too. What isn't okay is how unhappy he is making you and how insecure your future is with him. Whatever you choose to do, that has to change.

I’m sorry you are going through this but just a thought. I can imagine a situation where he has instigated the break up with her, she has messaged him to say she is doing okay without him and he has replied ‘I’m proud of you’?

I didn't think of that, it could well be that

Ok understood, so she's someone at work he's crossed lines with (i didn't see the last thread). He shouldn't have been contacting her at all except for essential work emails AT WORK.

You don't need any evidence etc. he might not be doing any more than these messages. But he isn't doing what he said he would.

Doesn't sound like an essential conversation.

He hasn't drawn a line so he isn't showing you the respect and love you deserve. Doesn't sound like he's taken previous discussions seriously tbh, and put boundaries in place.

I'd tell him what you've seen, ask him why he's going against his word and ask how he expects you to react.

I would suggest that if he's getting a bit casually inappropriate with this woman and continuing it after you've made it clear it's unacceptable to you, she herself may not go much further however he isn't very trustworthy and may be open to full on cheating later on. Not saying it's inevitable, just sharing my thinking.

He might be loaded but life isn't all about that. Linda Ronstadt knows what's what. Listen to 'silver threads and golden needles' and see if that's the life you want.

The exact message was 'happy new year. You have no idea of how proud I am of you, everything you do and everything I know you will do this year. You make me so proud'

Then she replied happy new year. It means so much when you say that, I'm so proud of you too xxxxx