New year's text message to another woman

[parker06]

My husband messaged another woman just after midnight new year's eve that he is proud of her. Already had some history with her, inappropriate things which ilhe told me he was over. Is telling someone there proud of them something a friend or more a lover does?

So if you are going to stay, then why do you start multiple threads, people give advice that you ignore, leave it a while then rinse and repeat. Work on your self esteem and leave. Being single is better than this shitshow

I've had male friends tell me they are proud of me but this message seems like too much to me. My friends have always been specific as in proud of you for doing xyz. I'm a people pleaser and it's normally for sticking up for myself. This seems very vauge.

Oh my word- you are so free to get rid of this donkey.

I'm male, and my best friend has just been through a truly shitty year. Husband cheated on her, divorce, court battle to be able to bring her child back to the UK. I sent her a happy new year message last night, and told her I was proud of how she'd dealt with this year.

In a vacuum, there's nothing wrong with telling a friend you're proud of them. I'm often proud of my friends when they achieved something.

But we're not in a vacuum OP, and there's 3 years of shit behaviour from your husband centered around this woman. You surely must know your marriage has no future, why are you dragging it out and lengthening your unhappiness?

TBH that message sounds more like something you’d send a proper partner, not a fling or a friend sorry 😔.

OP it's likely that 'friends' are already fully aware of what's going on. Sometimes the outsider sees more than those within the relationship. As pp said, this year needs to be the start of focusing on yourself. 2025 is the beginning of being all about you. Do what makes you happy, not anyone else.

Op you have someposters on here very very concerned about you. There is a tone to these posts I don’t often read…a sisterly best friend motherly please please make changes tone. What New Year’s Eve message did he say or send to you? Is he denying you having children or are you postponing having children because your marriage is not strong? Your friends know op they already know and i bet several are worried about you

Also @northernlight20 please don’t criticize posters who return to post about the same shit relationships they are stuck in. This is a safe place for her…she’s getting good advice… and it’s hard to give up a known life and stop believing it could get better.

Hello, yes thank you so much. The advice on here over the years has been the only thing I hold onto. I know it's taken its time but you've all helped me so much and I feel like now I can finally be free of all this pain he's caused me

He's not postponed me having children, we tried for a while and the the other woman appeared and then I just couldn't bring a child into this

None of these are a good enough reason to face humiliations and heartache that your h is doling out to you every single day.

He is a shitbag of the highest order.

Your dad likes him so you should stay? Why the hell isn't your dad up in arms about the way his daughter is being treated?

I can see where your low self esteem comes from if your dad hasn't got your back.

I would broadcast his behaviour to all and sundry if they ask why you've dumped this sly, adulterous skank of a toad.

And how can he and she be proud of each other? They are both liars with zero integrity.

I agree that this is an opportunity to stand tall and recognise that you deserve more than this.
Yes it will be hard. You're family should support you and be totally on your side, giving you what they can to help you move through it.
It can be hard if there are shared, tight knit friends, but they will either make a choice to stay as neutral as they can, or they will pick a side, and to be totally frank if they ask and you say "he stepped outside of our marriage" (no other detail is needed) and they choose him, then I wouldn't want them as friends.

As you don't have kids this can be a clean break, you have time aplenty to start some hobbies to find other joy in your life, and other friends outside of the circle.
You'd be suprised how many people will gravitate towards your strength.

Sometimes you will be low and feel hurt and alone, but you will still look back and feel that this is better than it was. And that's from experience.

You should have replied "hi, please stop texting my husband".

Leave now OP.

Very unlikely, sorry

You're wanting a family? I don't know what age you are but please, please do not allow him to waste your time when you would like to be a mum.

Your self respect and self esteem are worth more than him any family or acquaintances whom distance themselves due to your divorce. Set yourself free from all of them. The goodies will step forward and show themselves.

From experience, the longer you stay, the longer your self esteem will take a battering and prevent you meeting the right person in the future.

Let's be clear: Your unwillingness to bring a child into the mess he created, which is wise btw, IS keeping you from having a child.

I've been where you are. Everybody thought we were the it couple, etc. Yet when it all blew up and people realized what he had done, my family and true friends rallied around me like never before. Social standing isn't worth losing your soul, and it's definitely not worth losing your opportunity for motherhood. I remarried the man of my dreams, we've been together almost 40 years now and have adult children leading fulfilling lives. THAT is true "social standing."

1st January sounds like the perfect day to fuck him off.

Op it sounds like its over why stay and torment yourself.
Get going if wont leave try and move out yourself.

If you stay nothing will change. If you leave you will make room for new things to come in to your life x

Cant have women as friends as this will happen sooner or later.

Very sensible not to bring a child in to this.a lot would have brought a child in in the vain hope of making him stay etc
There's definitely a better life out there for you and I wish you all the best for your future.