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Original poster

Going to the gym for attention?

104 replies

Gabriella12 · 31/12/2024 14:03

I’m wondering whether I’m just being paranoid and going over the top, but thought I’d ask for some opinions regardless.

So my husband is obsessed with the gym, weight lifting to be precise. He literally goes every single day unless he’s ill ( which is rare ) or if he works late ( he owns his own business ). It’s got to the point where he’s very muscly and he gets a lot of comments from other people. I just find it bizarre as he’s never been interested in the whole 15 years that we’ve been together. He even went every day when we were on holiday. I mean, he looks great, but I feel he’s doing it for an ulterior motive other than just fitness.

I compliment him a lot, but he just says it doesn’t count what I say as I’m his wife and have to compliment him. He also said if really attractive girls were to make a comment that when he’d know that he was doing well, which is so unlike him to say.

I just feel as he’s pushing 40, and happily married ( as far as I know ), it’s weird to have such an obsession. I’d rather he took the kids or dog out more instead of going there every day. I feel we have a fairly good sex life aswel so I don’t think it’s that.

Anyway, hopefully I get some useful comments. Thanks. G xxx

OP posts:
HelenInHeels · 31/12/2024 14:05

Mid life crisis. Silly man.

DowntonCrabby · 31/12/2024 14:06

It’s likely not a useful comment but yuck!

He has very little respect for you and sounds like approaching mid-life has turned him utterly pathetic.

I’d get out to be honest, you deserve better. Flowers

DreadPirateRobots · 31/12/2024 14:07

Why's it weird to be into fitness because he's married?

I also caught the weightlifting bug at 40. I look great and I won't lie, that's fun. That's not why I do it though. I do it for the personal fulfilment, the mental health benefits, and the physical health benefits. Being strong is fun as hell. I went every day on holiday too. I am happily married and not looking elsewhere. Exercise is naturally and beneficially addictive if you get really into it.

If he is neglecting his obligations to you, the DC or the dog talk to him about that, but don't make it about it being weird that he's got into weights.

Spanneredfee · 31/12/2024 14:08

This is such a weird take? The blokes trying to probably focus on his fitness and mental health (let’s remember male mental health and suicide crisis) and you’re all saying LTB ha! Imagine if he was grossly overweight and slobbing about playing video games! You’d all be raging!

Original poster
Gabriella12 · 31/12/2024 14:10

I’ll just add, he likes to tell me certain women talk to him etc when he goes, likes he’s trying to get a reaction from him. It’s just like he’s doing the whole thing for attention.

OP posts:
smithey85 · 31/12/2024 14:12

DowntonCrabby · 31/12/2024 14:06

It’s likely not a useful comment but yuck!

He has very little respect for you and sounds like approaching mid-life has turned him utterly pathetic.

I’d get out to be honest, you deserve better. Flowers

Edited

What the actual fuck? Takes the award for the most stupid post on mumsnet 2024.

This makes no sense what so ever? How the hell is it disrespectful for a man wanting to take care of himself? He clearly enjoys it, and if he feels good, then Great.

Gym and fitness is t all about physical health, it plays a big part in mental health as well.

sorry, I just can’t my head around how idiotic your comment was!

perfectcolourfound · 31/12/2024 14:12

I don't find it weird that a person can develop a new hobby, or fitness regime. Surely that's quite usual.

I'm older than your DH and started going to the gym for the first time in my life a year ago - it's become an important part of my fitness and wellbeing. I definitely have no interest in being chatted up or getting attention there. I do take pride in hitting goals and getting fitter.

The strange part is that your DH is thinking about other women complementing him.

Perhaps also the possible addiction to going. Daily is fine so long as it isn't his main priority / means he's shirking parenting or other duties / your relationship or family life is suffering because he isn't there enough.

Sherararara · 31/12/2024 14:13

He’s enjoying the compliments and attention. Pretty normal human reaction.

DowntonCrabby · 31/12/2024 14:13

smithey85 · 31/12/2024 14:12

What the actual fuck? Takes the award for the most stupid post on mumsnet 2024.

This makes no sense what so ever? How the hell is it disrespectful for a man wanting to take care of himself? He clearly enjoys it, and if he feels good, then Great.

Gym and fitness is t all about physical health, it plays a big part in mental health as well.

sorry, I just can’t my head around how idiotic your comment was!

Show quote history

He also said if really attractive girls were to make a comment that when he’d know that he was doing well, which is so unlike him to say.

Did you miss this? It’s not that he’s doing something to make himself healthy and happy, it’s the validation he’s seeking from “attractive girls”.

This isn’t about the gym or his health.

Sherararara · 31/12/2024 14:14

DowntonCrabby · 31/12/2024 14:13

He also said if really attractive girls were to make a comment that when he’d know that he was doing well, which is so unlike him to say.

Did you miss this? It’s not that he’s doing something to make himself healthy and happy, it’s the validation he’s seeking from “attractive girls”.

This isn’t about the gym or his health.

Show quote history

How dare he go for other reasons! Or heaven forbid - both!

Spanneredfee · 31/12/2024 14:16

Gabriella12 · 31/12/2024 14:10

I’ll just add, he likes to tell me certain women talk to him etc when he goes, likes he’s trying to get a reaction from him. It’s just like he’s doing the whole thing for attention.

Sorry to say it but I feel like these bits are a bit made up and are ‘squaring it off’ in your head as to why it’s rattling you so much. He enjoys the gym, people can change. Maybe it’s an internal jealousy or something you’re feeling? Which would be totally valid, especially if psychically he’s changed a lot and you haven’t?

this post just seems so strange sorry, maybe it’s a bot?

DreadPirateRobots · 31/12/2024 14:16

it’s the validation he’s seeking from “attractive girls”.

This isn’t about the gym or his health.

It's an awful lot of hours of hard work to put in just to get some superficial validation. He could just buy a muscle car or start flashing the cash if that was all he wanted. I really doubt that that's all he gets out of it. But if he does enjoy being complimented on his form and his body, that's hardly surprising. Who wouldn't?

rwalker · 31/12/2024 14:17

DowntonCrabby · 31/12/2024 14:13

He also said if really attractive girls were to make a comment that when he’d know that he was doing well, which is so unlike him to say.

Did you miss this? It’s not that he’s doing something to make himself healthy and happy, it’s the validation he’s seeking from “attractive girls”.

This isn’t about the gym or his health.

Show quote history

You must of as well as it was posted after your comment

also information like that normally appears when the OP isn’t getting the replies they hope for To make people side with them

VegTrug · 31/12/2024 14:17

Yuck yuck yuck! I cannot put into words how revolting I find men who weight lift and go to the gym every sodding day. Gives me the massive ick!
Perhaps this will sound like I’m generalising but in my personal experience, these types tend to be very shallow and choose women based purely on looks and how they look stood next to them.

In your situation OP, I’d be wondering if there’s someone other than you, who he’s ‘improving’ how he looks, in order to try impress….

Spanneredfee · 31/12/2024 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AgnesX · 31/12/2024 14:20

DreadPirateRobots · 31/12/2024 14:07

Why's it weird to be into fitness because he's married?

I also caught the weightlifting bug at 40. I look great and I won't lie, that's fun. That's not why I do it though. I do it for the personal fulfilment, the mental health benefits, and the physical health benefits. Being strong is fun as hell. I went every day on holiday too. I am happily married and not looking elsewhere. Exercise is naturally and beneficially addictive if you get really into it.

If he is neglecting his obligations to you, the DC or the dog talk to him about that, but don't make it about it being weird that he's got into weights.

It's not weird, what IS weird is his need for compliments on his looks. And the way he's presenting himself at home.

Original poster
Gabriella12 · 31/12/2024 14:22

Ultimately, I just feel why is he trying to get attention from ‘attractive women’ when he’s married and has children. The whole thing feels juvenile.

OP posts:
VegTrug · 31/12/2024 14:22

@SpanneredfeeHow dare you?! This is nothing to do with how I look! 😂 I just don’t like superficial men and that’s entirely my prerogative!

VegTrug · 31/12/2024 14:25

Gabriella12 · 31/12/2024 14:22

Ultimately, I just feel why is he trying to get attention from ‘attractive women’ when he’s married and has children. The whole thing feels juvenile.

Midlife crisis, unfortunately. It’s very common and is apparently happening much earlier these days.

aodirjjd · 31/12/2024 14:26

I think it’s pretty normal to say compliments feel more valid if they aren’t from your spouse?

I would just leave it op. He’ll likely get bored but if not there are worse hobbies to have.

VegTrug · 31/12/2024 14:27

@DreadPirateRobotsNeeding to go every day when on a holiday with your partner is crossing the line from a healthy habit, to it having become a problem. I’m surprised your husband hasn’t brought it up.

lavendarwillow · 31/12/2024 14:28

I don't think it's a bad thing, having a fit husband is a good thing surely? Both in looks and health. I'd be less worried about other female attention but more what hobbies do you get for yourself OP? You need some time out too.

Spanneredfee · 31/12/2024 14:30

VegTrug · 31/12/2024 14:27

@DreadPirateRobotsNeeding to go every day when on a holiday with your partner is crossing the line from a healthy habit, to it having become a problem. I’m surprised your husband hasn’t brought it up.

But who says it is? You seem to have your own very rigid ideas of what’s ‘normal’. Most people drink alcohol every day or most of the week, I’d say that’s not normal but who are we to judge someone else’s lifestyle? This country is full of overweight and unfit people, more people should be getting down the gym to be honest

DreadPirateRobots · 31/12/2024 14:30

VegTrug · 31/12/2024 14:27

@DreadPirateRobotsNeeding to go every day when on a holiday with your partner is crossing the line from a healthy habit, to it having become a problem. I’m surprised your husband hasn’t brought it up.

Why would he? He was out doing his own thing at the time, which was what we both wanted. Was I supposed to sit waiting until he returned? He went most days too.

DreadPirateRobots · 31/12/2024 14:33

Gabriella12 · 31/12/2024 14:22

Ultimately, I just feel why is he trying to get attention from ‘attractive women’ when he’s married and has children. The whole thing feels juvenile.

Well, it's up to you to decide if it gives you the irrevocable ick. And if he's neglecting his domestic responsibilities then you obviously need to rebalance. But if his worst quality is being a bit of a sucker for outside compliments then I'd say you could do worse, and plenty of women whose DPs are overweight couch potatoes with ED probably have a touch of envy.