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Original poster

Going to the gym for attention?

104 replies

Gabriella12 · 31/12/2024 14:03

I’m wondering whether I’m just being paranoid and going over the top, but thought I’d ask for some opinions regardless.

So my husband is obsessed with the gym, weight lifting to be precise. He literally goes every single day unless he’s ill ( which is rare ) or if he works late ( he owns his own business ). It’s got to the point where he’s very muscly and he gets a lot of comments from other people. I just find it bizarre as he’s never been interested in the whole 15 years that we’ve been together. He even went every day when we were on holiday. I mean, he looks great, but I feel he’s doing it for an ulterior motive other than just fitness.

I compliment him a lot, but he just says it doesn’t count what I say as I’m his wife and have to compliment him. He also said if really attractive girls were to make a comment that when he’d know that he was doing well, which is so unlike him to say.

I just feel as he’s pushing 40, and happily married ( as far as I know ), it’s weird to have such an obsession. I’d rather he took the kids or dog out more instead of going there every day. I feel we have a fairly good sex life aswel so I don’t think it’s that.

Anyway, hopefully I get some useful comments. Thanks. G xxx

OP posts:
Boredlass · 31/12/2024 18:31

Don’t understand the hateful comments toward the DH. He’s keeping himself fit and healthy and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d be very annoyed if my DH accused me of wanting attention if I was going to the gym a lot. Could you imagine if the roles were reversed on here? The DH would get slaughtered

smithey85 · 31/12/2024 18:57

Boredlass · 31/12/2024 18:31

Don’t understand the hateful comments toward the DH. He’s keeping himself fit and healthy and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d be very annoyed if my DH accused me of wanting attention if I was going to the gym a lot. Could you imagine if the roles were reversed on here? The DH would get slaughtered

This this this!!

NameChanger91736 · 31/12/2024 19:04

smithey85 · 31/12/2024 18:21

I did Thankyou.

i get told I have a big dick at the urinals , and I might tell my partner or friends; , it doesn’t mean they want to sleep with me or I’m gay; it’s just nice to hear, same as someone telling someone they look good.

Of course he takes his DW compliments on board, but how many mums for instance call their sons handsome even if they truly aren’t?!

Show quote history

But when your telling your partner and friends are you also saying that the compliments about your "big dick" only count if the person complimenting is attractive?

And hes a grown man, if hes saying he doesnt take his partners compliments on board why would you think he was lying about that?

smithey85 · 31/12/2024 19:20

NameChanger91736 · 31/12/2024 19:04

But when your telling your partner and friends are you also saying that the compliments about your "big dick" only count if the person complimenting is attractive?

And hes a grown man, if hes saying he doesnt take his partners compliments on board why would you think he was lying about that?

Show quote history

Absolutely not. I don’t find men attractive ( although I can appreciate a good looking man if that makes sense ) but generally speaking women don’t tend to frequent male urinals.

For me it’s a compliment, and huge ego boost, especially given the issues I’ve had down there in the last few years. Makes Absolutely no difference if it’s a man or woman.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 02/01/2025 08:24

Sounds like a mid life crisis to me. Needs external validation to feel important/ viable.

TheSamantha · 02/01/2025 09:29

My DP started going to the gym 4 years ago. He was overweight and not an

TheSamantha · 02/01/2025 09:33

My DP started weightlifting 5 years ago. He’s 50 now. He was stressed, overweight and unhealthy. 5 years forward he’s like superman - all muscle, healthy and happy. When he goes to the gym he gets a buzz from workout out, the kudos of being good at lifting and sees the benefits every day. He gets compliments from guys about his good form, PTs about his progress and yes the odd girl but it’s just the gym. It isn’t sexual and it isn’t threatening. It’s gym kudos.

He walks taller in the street, commands presence and it’s all due to the gym.

To the threatened bitter types on here, if you’d rather have my DP 5 years ago help yourself. But his happiness and how proud his is of himself makes him a much more well rounded guy.

Disturbia81 · 02/01/2025 10:23

Gym = great.
Needing validation from "attractive" "girls" fucking ick.
Becoming vain and vacuous = yuck.

H112 · 02/01/2025 10:26

Imagine telling your other half you get off on comments from attractive women. Lol. Why is he talking to them???

TheSamantha · 02/01/2025 10:27

Disturbia81 · 02/01/2025 10:23

Gym = great.
Needing validation from "attractive" "girls" fucking ick.
Becoming vain and vacuous = yuck.

He’s probably shocked and proud. Nothing to ick about. Give the man a break.

PiastriThePastry · 02/01/2025 10:28

It’s great that he’s got a hobby he enjoys so much and if it doesn’t bother you that he spends so much time on it, then all the better, however i would be very hurt by him basically saying he doesn’t really care what you think about how he looks and that he only wants the approval of random attractive women in the gym/online. I’d also think him rather pathetic, but that’s by the by really. At the moment I don’t necessarily think there’s much to be done, as he’s not done anything actively wrong, but I think I’d try and have a chat to him about how it feels when he dismisses what you say about him. I’d try not to focus toooo much on the other women aspect because I suppose I’d rather he told me what was being said/sent in messages but I would try to get to the bottom of why he feels he needs this external validation, from wherever it comes.

Combattingthemoaners · 02/01/2025 10:31

There is one easy way of finding out if he’s doing it for his own health or for attention……does he train his legs? 😂

Disturbia81 · 02/01/2025 11:32

@TheSamantha Nah I've just got self respect and standards.

TheSamantha · 02/01/2025 17:55

Disturbia81 · 02/01/2025 11:32

@TheSamantha Nah I've just got self respect and standards.

And type 2 diabetes probably

smallsilvercloud · 02/01/2025 18:13

More than 99% of the time it will be him fishing for compliments, the one to approach women irl or online, i very much doubt him when he says certain ones want to talk to him, having spent time in gyms myself, it doesn't happen, people go and just get on with their own workout no matter how hot someone is. Online I bet it's him to message first if your were to actually know the truth, same in the bar.
I'd be annoyed he's so braggy about it and that he's lying.

Original poster
Gabriella12 · 02/01/2025 18:27

Now when he goes, a few of his friends have started going with him to get tips and train together etc. Atleast 3 of them have taken their young sisters aswel. I say younger, women in their late 20’s, early 30’s. He’s now giving them ‘tips’ and trying to help them etc. I feel he’s gotten a bit too friendly with them as they’ve now all added him on socials etc after not knowing him long. He says he’s just trying to be nice and he can’t ignore them. But I feel there’s a difference between being nice and have small talk, and actually taking time out of your workouts to help them out. He just seems to be thriving off any female attention whatsoever atm, even though he’s massively downplaying everything.

OP posts:
DivaORJustified · 02/01/2025 19:02

I back you op. You are within your rights to feel like this and his behaviour is snowballing? When and how will his quest for validation end?

aodirjjd · 02/01/2025 19:06

Are you just going to keep adding more until you get enough people saying he’s a sleeve ? Cause this isn’t really about the gym is it?

Spanneredfee · 02/01/2025 19:08

Hahaha this is ridiculous 😂 any more to add here OP?

Disturbia81 · 02/01/2025 19:09

@TheSamantha Nope! I love the gym. But nice stretch 😂😂

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 02/01/2025 19:12

Can’t beat em join em

aodirjjd · 02/01/2025 19:16

aodirjjd · 02/01/2025 19:06

Are you just going to keep adding more until you get enough people saying he’s a sleeve ? Cause this isn’t really about the gym is it?

sleaze not sleeve!

Original poster
Gabriella12 · 02/01/2025 19:38

aodirjjd · 02/01/2025 19:06

Are you just going to keep adding more until you get enough people saying he’s a sleeve ? Cause this isn’t really about the gym is it?

I can’t possibly put every single piece of information on the initial post. There’s still loads I haven’t added and won’t as it isn’t currently relevant.

OP posts:
Spanneredfee · 02/01/2025 20:01

Hahahaaaa of course OP.

Waitingfordoggo · 02/01/2025 20:12

It is easy to get obsessed with lifting weights, I've been there myself- obsessive exercising can also be a part of an eating disorder (also been there). So first off, I'd ask him if he is ok or whether he might be struggling with some mental health issues.

But if it's just a hobby, and it is impacting the rest of the family in terms of meeting his responsibilities as a dad/husband, then it's ok to ask home to reduce the amount of time he spends there.

The red flag for me is that he says he wants other women to admire him but your compliments don't count because you're his wife. He needs to answer some questions on that. Like: 'are you hoping to have a fling with someone else?' Even if it's just seeking validation rather than actively wanting an affair, that is still a red flag in terms of his mental health. It's classic mid life crisis really.