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Original poster

It will happen when you least expect it/ stop looking

101 replies

AngelsCake · 28/12/2024 23:46

What’s people’s thoughts on this? I hear it a lot but Mr right is obviously not going to knock on my door! What do people mean by this? Most people meet online these days so must be actively looking?

OP posts:
90sFilms · 28/12/2024 23:51

I think sometimes it's true but these days I think you need to be either doing enough hobbies you could meet someone at

Or online dating

Monty27 · 28/12/2024 23:54

I don't believe in online dating. I'm more than aware it works for some.
It depends on your social activities definitely.
I believe it will happen 🤞

Original poster
AngelsCake · 28/12/2024 23:56

Yes that’s true, I’m a single parent so social opportunities are non existent! It really would have to be Mr right knocking on my door which isn’t happening 🥲

OP posts:
Comedycook · 28/12/2024 23:59

I think it's nonsense. All my friends who have married or settled down actively tried to meet a man and find a relationship. I know one woman who always said stop looking and it will just happen...she's been single a long time.

Girthy · 29/12/2024 00:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BurgundyBear · 29/12/2024 00:06

I hate that phrase. Absolute bullshit.

category12 · 29/12/2024 00:06

I think it's just something people say to be encouraging.

Although you can meet someone randomly - like a friend got talking to someone on public transport and they're married now.

Comedycook · 29/12/2024 00:07

No one says this about other things do they?

No one says, don't bother looking for a job, one will just appear

Or

Don't try to make new friends, they'll just appear when you're not looking

Original poster
AngelsCake · 29/12/2024 00:10

category12 · 29/12/2024 00:06

I think it's just something people say to be encouraging.

Although you can meet someone randomly - like a friend got talking to someone on public transport and they're married now.

Seems the opposite of encouragement to me! Especially when talking about hoping to meet someone and being told not to bother as it will just happen?

OP posts:
BeastAngelMadwoman · 29/12/2024 00:10

I think even if you're online dating etc it can still be true in a wider sense. I was SO over Tinder when I met my DP on there and had all but given up. Nearly didn't go on our first date as I was sick of them all going the same way and the way I had to 'put myself out there' all the time. And then boom- best first date I've ever had and very happy together. I was looking in the sense that I was on Tinder but it very much was a moment where I was least expecting it, if that makes sense.

I also know of a couple that met because she was a gardener working on his neighbour's garden. And another who met when the woman was dog sitting for the house next door and they got chatting over the fence. So I think it definitely can be true, but would agree that it's much more likely to happen if you're actively orchestrating opportunities for it to.

Original poster
AngelsCake · 29/12/2024 00:10

Comedycook · 29/12/2024 00:07

No one says this about other things do they?

No one says, don't bother looking for a job, one will just appear

Or

Don't try to make new friends, they'll just appear when you're not looking

Very true. Never hear it said about anything else so not sure why it’s said about relationships.

OP posts:
YesIdolovehim · 29/12/2024 00:13

I think it is true in a way because desperation shows.
It was easier in the olden days when everyone worked in the office. I met my partner at work 20+ years ago and definitely wasn’t actively looking.

BeastAngelMadwoman · 29/12/2024 00:14

Comedycook · 29/12/2024 00:07

No one says this about other things do they?

No one says, don't bother looking for a job, one will just appear

Or

Don't try to make new friends, they'll just appear when you're not looking

Hmm I think people do sort of say it about jobs sometimes. Maybe not in a concrete 'don't look for a job' way but in more of a 'don't stress, you never know what might turn up' way. I think it's sort of the same message.

CharSiu · 29/12/2024 00:15

It’s all anecdotal but now in my fifties amongst my peer group it happened for most but not all of my women friends, all were outgoing women. We all left our home town to study/work. Three moved overseas for long periods of time as well.

Look you need to meet people whether that’s in real life or online just to have a chance at meeting anyone as a friend or love that you click with. Maybe you could just bump in to Mr Right at a checkout queue in Sainsbury’s but if you get your shopping delivered then that’s never going to happen.

I think that’s what they mean when they say least expect it but it’s really all placatory isn’t it. I suppose everyone both men and women should ask themselves would you date yourself?

Lavender14 · 29/12/2024 00:17

I take it to mean that it's good to make yourself available without putting pressure or getting overly hung up on it. Happiness and fulfillment are attractive so if you're in a good place in life and focused on what you've already good then to me that's going to serve you better than fixating on what you don't have. I don't think it means shut yourself off or stop dating and wait for someone to stop you in tesco and propose, but more to focus on other more important things and date for fun without stress? I think in a way its bound to set you up for healthier relationships as well because you know its something you'd like rather than need?

category12 · 29/12/2024 00:18

Encouraging in the sense of "try not to worry about it".

Original poster
AngelsCake · 29/12/2024 00:21

category12 · 29/12/2024 00:18

Encouraging in the sense of "try not to worry about it".

Seems the opposite to me but I guess we will have to agree to disagree.

OP posts:
niadainud · 29/12/2024 00:24

It's a meaningless platitude.

Aparecium · 29/12/2024 00:24

I wasn't actively looking, but then neither was I a hermit. It did happen when I least expect it.

I had gone on so many dates, so many fix-ups, and nothing. Nada. Zilch. I just gave up. Couldn't be bothered any more. And then I gradually noticed this bloke at our hobby...

Everybody except the two of us could see that we were drawn to each other. Took us about three months to work out the obvious 😍

HelenEilidh · 29/12/2024 00:26

I randomly met my husband 7 years ago in a pizza place in Edinburgh - I was quite happy being single at the time and so was he. He came over and introduced himself (after I’d finished my pizza 😀)and we got chatting. He lived near me so we went for a coffee, then hiking, then a ceilidh and the rest is history. He’s a kind, wonderful person and I’m very happy I decided to go for a pizza on that rainy November night. 😊

CraZypinkpants · 29/12/2024 00:28

Aged 33 came out of yet another disastrous relationship. Awful Christmas and NYE back with parents . Awful 😞 I’m on the shelf and alone !!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Decided to stop looking and accepting bollocks

. February 1st we meet. March 1st he proposed. Married 18 months later and bought a house.

8 years since we met…. 2 children And I’m so happy………

Never saw it coming

Cinderellaandthesevendwarves · 29/12/2024 00:31

Nah I think it is nonsense. Put yourself out there, develop hobbies and interests and meet new like minded people and that gives good opportunities to meet people.

Puffalicious · 29/12/2024 00:37

Comedycook · 28/12/2024 23:59

I think it's nonsense. All my friends who have married or settled down actively tried to meet a man and find a relationship. I know one woman who always said stop looking and it will just happen...she's been single a long time.

See, I disagree here. ALL my major relationships have been when I really wasn't looking:

  • 2 year relationship
  • Ex-DH (good guy, we have 2 wonderful DC, but we're essentially v different people).
  • DP (of 14 years)

I did meet all of them in a pub/ club- when I was just having a damn, good time & certainly not looking.

I met another 2 long term partners whilst travelling/ holidaying in my younger days.

I suppose it's being in the right place, but does happen.

In saying that, my wonderful best friend has been OLD 2 years & the pool is not quality!

BashfulClam · 29/12/2024 00:45

I met my DH online but the relationship before that was a bit expecting/looking situation. I was out with workmates and spilled a drink on a random bloke. We ended up talking and dating.

Crushed23 · 29/12/2024 00:49

The only way the whole 'when you least expect it' thing applies to my life is with crushes / infatuation. They come out of left field and ruin my life.

With relationships I've either been actively dating and met someone, or there's build up with someone I'm frjends with first.