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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Domestic abuse but nowhere to go?

154 replies

Chloe8909 · 28/12/2024 02:06

My boyfriend is extremely abusive, but I have nowhere to go if I leave
I have a dog too. It has got really bad recently,I have had black eyes and bruises all over but I have no idea what I can do

On Christmas day I took too long walking my dog,so he held me under a cold shower

I had my own apartment before we met but he convinced me to move in with him. I have been so stupid
I don't have much contact with friends anymore and no contact at all with my parents.
He stopped all contact with my family after he asked my dad for a loan for a business and my dad said no. He know my dad has plenty of money,so took this really badly.

I cannot contact my mum or dad for help as I haven't spoken to them for months and bf texted them pretending to be me telling them I want nothing to do with them and many awful things.

I'm stuck with nowhere to go. I can't leave my dog
He's away for a stag do until late Sunday
What can I do ? Just try and save a little money to leave eventually?

I know it's late but I cannot sleep

OP posts:
Laszlomydarling · 29/12/2024 09:41

How are things this morning OP, i hope you slept well knowing you are safe. For me there was a sort of fog for a few weeks after I left a sort of numbness. It took a long time to absolutely know for certain that I'd done the right thing.

Conniebygaslight · 29/12/2024 09:46

I’m so glad you contacted your dad OP. Unfortunately our DD is in an abusive relationship and has all but cut us off. We just have to wait it out but we will be there like a shot if she reaches out. It’s heartbreaking and terrifying. She’s only 18.

Original poster
Chloe8909 · 29/12/2024 17:58

Laszlomydarling · 29/12/2024 09:41

How are things this morning OP, i hope you slept well knowing you are safe. For me there was a sort of fog for a few weeks after I left a sort of numbness. It took a long time to absolutely know for certain that I'd done the right thing.

I just feel really relieved that I'm away from him now.
He has been calling on other people's phones as I blocked him.
Just hoping he doesn't show up at my parents house

OP posts:
Original poster
Chloe8909 · 29/12/2024 17:59

Conniebygaslight · 29/12/2024 09:46

I’m so glad you contacted your dad OP. Unfortunately our DD is in an abusive relationship and has all but cut us off. We just have to wait it out but we will be there like a shot if she reaches out. It’s heartbreaking and terrifying. She’s only 18.

I really hope your daughter contacts you soon

OP posts:
AmazingGraze · 29/12/2024 19:13

Chloe8909 · 29/12/2024 17:58

I just feel really relieved that I'm away from him now.
He has been calling on other people's phones as I blocked him.
Just hoping he doesn't show up at my parents house

Show quote history

I just wonder if you should let the police know in case he does turn up. They need to be aware there’s DV involved.

Joelle84 · 29/12/2024 19:15

Op, so glad you reached out for help. Block the twat and never let him back in your life again. Onwards and upwards x

Lost03 · 29/12/2024 19:52

Chloe8909 · 29/12/2024 17:58

I just feel really relieved that I'm away from him now.
He has been calling on other people's phones as I blocked him.
Just hoping he doesn't show up at my parents house

Show quote history

OP, you have done incredibly well to get away!

If you're worried about him turning up at your parents house, contact the police and ask them to put a marker on the address. It means that if you call, they will treat it as a priority. You don't have to disclose details or make a formal report if you're not ready (I know this from experience, I had a marker put on my address relating to domestic abuse back in July).

questionqueeen2022 · 29/12/2024 19:57

Hi, firstly, I am so sorry to hear this. I was in the same situation as you in summer but with 2 kids and luckily I got the chance to stay at my parents. I also was made to give up my home and move in with him for more control.

I didn't think my abuser was that bad because "it wasn't all the tjme" and I was convinced it wasn't as bad as it was. I was told when I leave I'd get stalked I thought this was never going to happen. Well it did. I'm being stalked now and he's proving to be very dangerous as they all do.

Now's the time to literally SAVE YOURSELF and get out... please?? Look at a photo of yourself and the harsh reality is do you want that photo to be on a funeral Leaflet people looking at cause he has killed you? It's that serious. I know it's hard and please don't think I'm being awful saying this because I get it. I know it's hard but I know you can break free.

So what can we do from here? - you can ring woman's aid who can get you removed and out of the area immediately. You get looked after amazingly housed and helped to be put back on your feet you get counselling etc.

It is hard it is scary but please don't be another statistic. It really will end like that for you if you don't leave.

I'm wishing you all the best. Please delete your history on your phone, delete the apps and turn notifications off on this app. I really know it is and I'm feeling heavy for you this evening...

Please get out while you can❤️

Bananalanacake · 29/12/2024 20:10

Well done on leaving. If he threatens suicide ignore him, it is part of the manipulation.

Original poster
Chloe8909 · 30/12/2024 01:13

Lost03 · 29/12/2024 19:52

OP, you have done incredibly well to get away!

If you're worried about him turning up at your parents house, contact the police and ask them to put a marker on the address. It means that if you call, they will treat it as a priority. You don't have to disclose details or make a formal report if you're not ready (I know this from experience, I had a marker put on my address relating to domestic abuse back in July).

Show quote history

Thanks I will do tomorrow, I didn't know I could do that

OP posts:
Original poster
Chloe8909 · 30/12/2024 01:15

Bananalanacake · 29/12/2024 20:10

Well done on leaving. If he threatens suicide ignore him, it is part of the manipulation.

Yeah I'm expecting that from him as he told me previously his ex nearly made him do it. I know now that it was likely a similar situation to me

I've blocked all numbers he has tried to contact me on and I'll probably have to change number.

OP posts:
Catoo · 30/12/2024 01:33

You’ve done so well already OP.
Definitely chat with the police tomorrow so it’s on their radar and you and your parents have some extra protection.

💐💐

Onthemaintrunkline · 30/12/2024 01:39

Get out, leave before he returns. Contact your parents who were probably heartbroken not to have had contact with you. Contact them, do it today and get out without delay. If you don’t I very much fear you are heading towards becoming a statistic. Get out, heal and never let yourself be abused in this appalling way again.
I wish you all the luck in the world……please make that call to yr parents without delay.

Onthemaintrunkline · 30/12/2024 01:41

Apologies I hadn’t obviously read the whole thread. I see you have left, so pleased for you. Good luck, well done!

purpleblue2 · 30/12/2024 01:42

Well done @Chloe8909 so proud of you! It may be hard right now but you will find a bett r life I promise x

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 30/12/2024 01:44

I have only just seen your thread as it's popped to the top of the page.

Your update that Dad picked you and your dog up brought tears to my eyes.

I am so pleased you phoned your parents.

One suggestion - be very very careful going to / from work, I expect he knows where you work.

Indeed i would phone in sick for a week, if you are in England ? you can self certificate for a week. ' stress ' is what I would phone in with.

Original poster
Chloe8909 · 30/12/2024 01:59

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 30/12/2024 01:44

I have only just seen your thread as it's popped to the top of the page.

Your update that Dad picked you and your dog up brought tears to my eyes.

I am so pleased you phoned your parents.

One suggestion - be very very careful going to / from work, I expect he knows where you work.

Indeed i would phone in sick for a week, if you are in England ? you can self certificate for a week. ' stress ' is what I would phone in with.

Thank you 😊 I have already talked to my boss, I'm taking a few days off. I work from home a lot already so we have agreed I can do that for a while

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 30/12/2024 02:10

So glad that your Dad rescued you and your dog.

Never go back. Ask your father and a lawyer to communicate with your partner clearly that you never want to hear from him again.
Make a statement to the Police about the abuse, incase you want to act legally later. Ask the Police to accompany you and your parents to your home while your partner is not there - so to collect your belongings.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 30/12/2024 02:14

So glad that you have got away, OP. Well done.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 30/12/2024 02:21

Yes you should report it to the police, and take photos of the injuries.
for your sake, and the sake of his future girlfriends.

Thank goodness you aren't married to him, and don't have children with him.

caringcarer · 30/12/2024 02:41

Ring your parents and tell them he took your phone and sent that message to them. Tell them he hits you and go home to them whilst you sort yourself out. Bring charges against your abusive ex. Leave whilst he is away. Take dog with you.

Mmhmmn · 30/12/2024 02:45

You need to go to your mum and dad’s OP.

Do you seriously think they don’t realise it’s all been him? Go to them, with your dog and tell them what has been happening. YOU CAN.

Edit: Sorry, missed the full thread. So glad you have left.

cordeliavorkosigan · 30/12/2024 07:02

So glad you've left. We're all rooting for you and wishing you and your dog the best new life ahead!

shortoedtreecreeper · 30/12/2024 08:31

If you have wobbles ,later and want to contact him just read back on here what he put you through.You've done something strong and wonderful for yourself.You can always thank yourself for doing this you saved yourself.
Well done. Big hug.

questionqueeen2022 · 30/12/2024 08:50

Chloe8909 · 28/12/2024 17:56

Thanks everyone for the advice. I did end up calling my dad this morning, he came and picked up me and my dog

Amazing news. Be prepared that he's going to do everything he can to manipulate you back. Report it all. Block him and 100% pray pray pray for peace and recovery xx

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