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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Domestic abuse but nowhere to go?

154 replies

Chloe8909 · 28/12/2024 02:06

My boyfriend is extremely abusive, but I have nowhere to go if I leave
I have a dog too. It has got really bad recently,I have had black eyes and bruises all over but I have no idea what I can do

On Christmas day I took too long walking my dog,so he held me under a cold shower

I had my own apartment before we met but he convinced me to move in with him. I have been so stupid
I don't have much contact with friends anymore and no contact at all with my parents.
He stopped all contact with my family after he asked my dad for a loan for a business and my dad said no. He know my dad has plenty of money,so took this really badly.

I cannot contact my mum or dad for help as I haven't spoken to them for months and bf texted them pretending to be me telling them I want nothing to do with them and many awful things.

I'm stuck with nowhere to go. I can't leave my dog
He's away for a stag do until late Sunday
What can I do ? Just try and save a little money to leave eventually?

I know it's late but I cannot sleep

OP posts:
ilovepixie · 28/12/2024 19:23

Contact your parents now. They will be delighted to hear from you and will take you away from this monster.

ilovepixie · 28/12/2024 19:25

Just seen update. Brilliant news. You have been so brave. Well done.

annoyed23 · 28/12/2024 19:27

Itsoneofthose · 28/12/2024 11:32

If you want to, give one of us your parents number and we'll make the call.

I just came here to say the same. I will contact them for you if you need me to. I don’t know you but you must get out OP. You deserve to not go through this and be safe x

Laszlomydarling · 28/12/2024 19:31

One day you'll look back on this as the first day of the rest of your life. I'm 7 years free of my abuser. I'm grateful to myself every day for having the strength to leave.

Get ready for him to try and get you back though. You'll need more strength for the upcoming weeks. You deserve better. He will never be a good man.

Wasywasydoodah · 28/12/2024 20:09

Wonderful! You’ve done the first difficult step, but it’s super hard not to go back. He will probably bombard you with calls. He might say sorry, he loves you, he’ll change, he’ll get counselling. He might say he can’t live without you and threaten to take his own life. it’s all lies.

He might threaten you or your family with more violence if you don’t go back. Report to the police.

Keep evidence of everything.

if you go back, he’ll be likely to be nice for a short while. Then the abuse will ramp up. He got away with it last time, so he knows he can get away with it again.

stay safe, make good choices. You will have local domestic abuse services who can help you with staying safe, it’s a good idea to call them now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/12/2024 22:19

I’m so pleased. I hope you are still safe this evening. He may not take you leaving him well.

AmazingGraze · 28/12/2024 22:21

InkHeart2024 · 28/12/2024 07:02

Are you in the UK? Homeless women don't get placed in 'shelters'. You'd have to ask someone else to look after your dog but you'd be given temporary accommodation which would be a bedsit or small flat or worst case scenario a bed and breakfast for a short period, but not a shelter, whatever that means to you.

Show quote history

If it was that easy there would be no homeless women on the street, would there ?

Chicheguevara · 28/12/2024 22:53

Great news. Please stay away from him. If he keeps contacting you, threatening you etc., definitely keep records for the police.
I am so pleased you contacted your Dad and he’s fetched you and your dog back home. I wish you the very best.

THATbasicfuckingelfontheshelfshit · 28/12/2024 23:10

Well done op!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/12/2024 23:23

Chloe8909 · 28/12/2024 02:41

Thank you For all the messages. My parents don't know I didn't send all those messages.
I would love to contact my family and go home,I'm just scared that they will be angry with me

If they are angry I'm sure they won't hit and hurt you.
But I don't think they will be angry.
It's worth a try surely? I'd drive straight down and get you.
Your abuser will have convinced you you're not loved but you are.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/12/2024 23:25

Just seen update - so glad you're safe.
Go home to them sleep and cry and book in some counselling via the gp in the new year. At some point look at the freedom programme x

Sockmate123 · 28/12/2024 23:32

I'm so glad you are safe. New Year, new fresh start. Your parents love you and will want the best for you x

purpleblue2 · 28/12/2024 23:34

Your parents will be there through it and will save you. They probably know exactly what is going on and are waiting for this call!! You cannot live this way anymore. Ring woman’s aid ring the police ring everyone and they will help you. your parents love you no matter what

WGACA · 28/12/2024 23:38

So happy to read your update. Well done for being so brave. Enjoy feeling safe in your parents' home and rebuilding your relationship with them.

SuffolkUnicorn · 28/12/2024 23:46

well done op never go back to that abuser

HazelBite · 29/12/2024 05:08

So pleased to see your update. If you have any proof of any injuries that he has inflicted please take them to the police, be aware that he will now, more than likely, start contacting you to either declare his undying love, or to threaten you.
Stay strong x

SleepyHippy3 · 29/12/2024 05:13

DramaAlpaca · 28/12/2024 02:10

If you were my daughter I would want you to call me in this situation, and I'd move heaven and earth to help you and keep you safe.

Call your parents.

Absolutely this, 100%.

OP please call your mum and dad. They will believe you over anyone, so just contact them.

AmazingGraze · 29/12/2024 05:48

Chloe8909 · 28/12/2024 17:56

Thanks everyone for the advice. I did end up calling my dad this morning, he came and picked up me and my dog

So pleased for you.

MayaPinion · 29/12/2024 05:57

Well done, and well done to your dad. They’re probably so relieved to have you home and safe.

Shabba2025 · 29/12/2024 06:39

Well done, I hope you're OK.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 29/12/2024 06:44

Hi darling. This is outrageous. You can phone your parents. They will understand. Now is your chance.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 29/12/2024 06:49

Oh I’m late to this one. Thank God! Well done you. That horrible bastard will get a shock when he gets home. Please file a police report, if not for you, do it to protect the next victim. You must feel so relieved to have escaped and to be back with your parents.x

Raininginparadise2 · 29/12/2024 06:59

Great update OP. So glad you are safe. Build a new life for yourself now. Best wishes for 2025 x

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 29/12/2024 07:39

@Chloe8909
You have absolutely done the right thing. I bet you are the BEST Christmas present that your parents have had!

please listen to what the other people have said, read up on domestic abuse and contact Women’s Aid if you ever waver about going back to him. If you do….the abuse will get worse…and (statistically) it WILL.

Foxlover46 · 29/12/2024 07:39

You are the bravest and now you are safe at home with your mum and dad please never ever go back to this scumbag x
You and your lovely dog and your mum and dad will have the best 2025
Be so proud of yourself and happy new life xx