Just told daughters I won’t be babysitting

[SpryCat]

I have two gorgeous toddler Gs’s by my two daughters, I look after the eldest Gs, one afternoon a week, I pick him up from nursery and cook his dinner till dad picks him up and have my youngest Gs another afternoon to give his mum a break. I have been given a long a list of rules I must follow to the letter. My youngest Dd is always having a go at me for not following all the rules, I asked her if we could have her son for a couple of hours tomorrow and got a long list of things she is not happy about, mainly (as she was at work) we had her partner with their son, my other daughter with her partner and son over on Boxing Day and eldest Gs was play fighting with my H and he jokingly said Gs was a thug. It was all reported back to the daughter who was working that day by her partner and her sister. She blamed us for her son’s bad behaviour (he is 2.5 years old) and I said we won’t be looking after Gs again as so shit at it. I text my other daughter and said we won’t be looking after your son anymore because we turn children into thugs. So fuck it, let then look after there own kids as they so perfect.
I didn’t want to hear back from them and was so het up I blocked them from messaging back. I only messaged one daughter to have Gs for a few hours tomorrow and I get aggro.
No matter what I do I get arsey messages, It does my head in.

Well quite, I am just going by what my parents have told me and what I witnessed. There was still a lot less awareness around sugar and especially hidden sugars. One of my school friends unwittingly trashed her teeth just drinking ribena before all the light drinks came in and it was marketed as good for children (vitamin C!). Yes my parents were very strict on carseats and seatbelts so it was a shock seeing other parents who weren't. Also my DH said he remembers being put on a cushion in lieu of a car seat, think that would be illegal now but not sure.

Also I have not accused the OP of doing those things, she said she was 'told off,' for doing those things by her DIL, unless I'm reading a completely different thread?

Actually I agree with her. I can't stand the way my inlaws behave around my kids. The swearing, the play-fighting... it's not hard to act responsibly around a child. They don't look after my kids much anyway but I'd be fine with it if they didn't want to as a result of me telling them this (which I have). In fact, I'd happily not see them at all, but put up with them for my husband - plus my kids love them. If they wanted to never look after my kids again, I'd be pretty chuffed actually, but they're their only grandchildren so that would be cutting off their noses to spite their faces. Can't you both just act appropriately when your grandchildren are around?

I fully agree. If my child said no to something physical, and the adult carried on, that would be the final straw for me. Furious on the child's behalf!

My husband wasn’t being physical, Gc sat on mums lap and said no, H wasn’t doing his arms like a T rex and said dino don’t know the word no. I agree it should of stopped with no but you all making out H near on sexually abused him ffs

I applaud this. There is no need to wreck relationships over a difference of opinion! I wish my MIL had been as mature. It's probably the best outcome for both of you as as she can have her children parented the way she wants as per current guidelines (which she will have to pay for) and you don't have to look after your grandchildren with the worry that you can't do things your own way or that you aren't doing it the right way.

That said, be wary of any resentment building because it's probably a nobody wins situation too. Nursery costs a bomb and is with non family members and you wont get to see your GC as much. Maybe it will be better to try again when they are bit older and there are less concerns, if the relationship still holds.

As an aside, a lot of parents are finding out that the grandparents are only interested in doing things their way, and have no interest in researching or following new advice, being set in their ways and stubborn. This is often a symptom of having children later in life when grandparents have aged and can't actually remember much about what it was like when they had kids! When it comes to safety things , most parents just aren't willing to compromise on safety aspects for the good of their children, even if it means having to hand them over to trained professionals instead. It's actually a great shame for all, but parents have options these days, we are more likely to stand up for our kids than perhaps previous generations were and we are probably also brought up to be much more safety conscious!

You don't see it as your responsibility to raise your DC modeling good interactive behavious, tolerance and give and take and that the world does not revolve around them?

I'm astonished. Not.

Don't think anyone was talking about sexual abuse, just listening skills and boundaries. Adults should be more enabled to understand this and respect the child.

@MissDoubleU I don't let people tickle or hug her when she doesn't want to. My parents used to let this happen to me and it did me no favours. Think I was just an accessory to my parents lives.

No, we aren’t. But you’re refusing to accept what he did was wrong and that’s it should have consequences. Him saying “well I’m not playing any more and the world has gone mad” because he was told he should have listened to no is what’s unreasonable here. Ridiculous behaviour from an adult. And you’ve done the same, thrown the toys out the pram and blocked all your children because of a criticism.

It’s not Your Job to prepare the GC for school bullies either. That’s for the parents.

Agreed.

I had two daughters, one was rough and tumble and the second wasn’t, I had to stop the eldest when her younger sister had had enough. If we played any games youngest would get overwhelmed so we stopped, I never called it respect it was my daughter becoming overwhelmed. I find a lot men don’t notice the cue to stop, they get more excited being silly and revert back to the boys they were and need to be told to stop. That’s my opinion btw

Yes. Men not listening to the word no and having the inability to stop when they’re excited and focused on their own fun little time is the EXACT behaviour people don’t want around their sons, or being normalised to their sons so they grow up into the same kind of men.

It’s almost like you’re deliberately missing the point?

You're providing too much detail and spending too much time arguing back and forth with strangers on a faceless forum.

You have made your point to your daughters and seem to have reached an agreement so stop trying to argue with every single person who disagrees with you here and move on.

When did I say it was my job to prepare Gs for outside world? You have to remember that people born long ago don’t understand, we struggle knowing what to do, how to behave or say.
We would never smack a child, we would never harm a child or raise our voice. We would kill a paedo if they dared touch a hair on Gs’s head with our bare hands. I cook my Gs favourite nutritious dinner and talk to them. I show much interest in who they are and love them. I bathe them if they need a bath, my DDs don’t have any issues with that, I get sponge lathered up and tell them to wash their own privates. In my day that was great Gp’s, my children didn’t have that relationship with my mum, she was pissed all the time and died soon after my girls were born. I wanted a relationship with my Gc like I had with my own Nanny, someone who loved, cuddled, adored me and kept me safe.
It may be old fashioned to some or go against your beliefs but my nanny didn’t always agree with her daughter, my mum, but to me she was my diamond, I was blessed.

You are sexualising my point Freud!

If your DD has asked you not to give him squash or chocolate, why do you?

No. I agree with @obiejoyful. You being defensive about a serious issue is precisely why I agree with your daughter. This IS an issue. Open your eyes and accept it. Jeez, you are coming across so like my MIL!

Yes, Good question. Did she ask you not to give him squash and chocolate... and you decided to do so anyway?

Yes, I'm the same. My grandfather used to force hugs and kisses on me. I didn't like it and didn't want it. I'm sure there was no malicious intent behind it, but I definitely felt uncomfortable and realise now, as a parent, the importance of respecting children's rights over their own bodies.

I'd appologise for snapping but say if they want you to continue babysitting it is on your terms and this is the final warning, no non medical instructions, take it or leave it. A couple of days of them thinking how to cover this time is likely to have focused their minds on what matters.

No it really isnt.

Why are you being so hateful to the OP? You could have left that last sentence off your post.

I’m actually not though?

“he just didn’t realise he was crossing any boundaries”
But even after he knew -did he apologise? No?
and you defend him yes?
therein is your problem.
couple that with your lack of emotional regulation and you should be careful of blocking lest you don’t see the running back you so clearly expect
thise poor children and your Dads

And that attitude is enough for any child to be stopped from coming around at all.