Just told daughters I won’t be babysitting

[SpryCat]

I have two gorgeous toddler Gs’s by my two daughters, I look after the eldest Gs, one afternoon a week, I pick him up from nursery and cook his dinner till dad picks him up and have my youngest Gs another afternoon to give his mum a break. I have been given a long a list of rules I must follow to the letter. My youngest Dd is always having a go at me for not following all the rules, I asked her if we could have her son for a couple of hours tomorrow and got a long list of things she is not happy about, mainly (as she was at work) we had her partner with their son, my other daughter with her partner and son over on Boxing Day and eldest Gs was play fighting with my H and he jokingly said Gs was a thug. It was all reported back to the daughter who was working that day by her partner and her sister. She blamed us for her son’s bad behaviour (he is 2.5 years old) and I said we won’t be looking after Gs again as so shit at it. I text my other daughter and said we won’t be looking after your son anymore because we turn children into thugs. So fuck it, let then look after there own kids as they so perfect.
I didn’t want to hear back from them and was so het up I blocked them from messaging back. I only messaged one daughter to have Gs for a few hours tomorrow and I get aggro.
No matter what I do I get arsey messages, It does my head in.

I wholly agree - this generation who enjoyed raising their children as they pleased and now feel this overwhelming entitlement to be involved in making parenting decisions for children they are not parenting is amazing.

Jesus Christ. I bet the grandparents just love you.

Please use punctuation please as it makes posts easier to read

That's shocking

@SpryCat OP, you should ask mumsnet to move this to relationships or start a new post there. AIBU is not the space you need. Your thread has been completely derailed by a couple of your sentences and you are getting a lot of very OTT replies. You need support unpacking this, not being further accused

Yes.
General food and lifestyle changed so much, that the same things which didn't matter a generation ago would be adding to an issue now.

I really don't understand why -when seeing the young population - would anyone want to help normalize sweets in a young age.

Yes, parents can't stop it completely, but why the urge to start early in the family?

No actually we listened and learned from our mothers and grandmothers and had support from them. They helped us raise our children and we appreciated it.

But newer mothers just can’t get their heads around that or even understand that because all their knowledge now comes from the internet or yummy mummy blogs

Such a great point about OP's daughters being conditioned to expect a deceptive and compative relationship between grandparents and the mothers of grandchildren. Very insightful.

You're not being unreasonable, OP. Your daughters are woefully arrogant and for some reason, think that their parenting is somehow superior. It isn't. Anything other than dietary/allergy needs don't warrant any sort of 'list'.

You raised your own children and they're still alive. Ignore them and let them find out just how difficult it is when they don't have back-up in the shape of mum and childcare.

Everyone has 'trauma' somewhere. These girls weren't abused by their mother so there's no need for them to start abusing her. OP's good enough for childcare though, eh?

This times a million.

Good for you for standing up for yourself. tell them your minding them so can you both come to an agreement on the rules if they want you to continue minding them.

My friend, there is no lack of punctuation in my post. I accidentally left off the end of my second sentance which should have been "Anyone who wants to spend time with our children has to follow our rules". My bad, missed the edit window now.

Ugh. There are some right entitled twats on this thread. OP doesn't sound 'unhinged' or 'emotionally unregulated' at all, but justifiably pissed off with her daughters ganging up on her to criticise her affectionate and normal grandparenting.

OP, I see this with a family member who treats her mother like a stupid skivvy and I can't bear it. Don't let them emotionally blackmail you with access to your grandchildren only if you dance to their tune. With any luck they will realise what their children are missing out on if you withdraw from the regular arrangement.

If you don't want to mind them, that's fine. They will have to get childcare. It may mean a healthier dynamic for all involved.

So? I have a feeling a lot of people are just resentful that they felt pressured to follow advice from mothers/in-laws, and now they think it should be their turn to dominate relationships with their opinions, and they're being turned down. Most of my parenting decisions are made by careful consideration of statistics, and any disagreements I've had with my mother-in-law have actually been over times where she's been horrified that I don't adhere to current NHS guidelines or what's most common, like continuing to eat soft cheese and sushi during pregnancy, homebirth, having babies in their own bedroom, using cloth nappies, and sleep training, which I think is different to most people who have conflict with grandmothers over them being more lax over rules, not more stringent.

Sorry you didn't get to follow your own intuition with your own babies, but that doesn't mean you get to exert your will over your daughters/DILs. I've always been happy to take advice on things my MIL knows more about - she's very helpful with breastfeeding support and many things in the early days. But she doesn't get to make choices or pronouncements about things I decide to do.

If I was doing a job and made a mistake here and there - then the boss always criticised me, never praised or thanked me - id get another boss and leave my job.

regardless of age, people are told what to do at work, most of us work and have done 30/40 years of it but he time we are old.

Non blood male tramples over boundaries and insults a small child and you don’t seem to see any problem?
history of unsafe choices, can’t emotionally regulate? Blocks like a teen?
the hills are that way>>>and DDs are heading there - unsurprisingly!

Excellent result all round then.

OP has said why she blocked (temporary) because she's hurt. I wouldn't necessarily have done it that way but this isn't my story, it's the OP's.

I think that the daughters have a cheek with their 'lists' for their mother. I wouldn't put up with that, they can look after their own children.

I didn’t feel pressured I was grateful - you don’t need to feel sorry for me 😂 ( although I suspect that was a passive aggressive remark and not true sentiment)

I had help when my children were sick, when I was sick, childcare and most importantly support as I allowed them to give it. I didn’t turn my nose up at ‘outdated’ advice - I listened to see if it work with my children and didn’t kick up a massive stink if I didn’t feel like following.

There was never a power struggle either as I didn’t feel threatened or insecure by the other women in my family - which most of this stems from.

I’m glad no one can tell you what to do - that’s great! But mothers can’t actually tell other women what to do either - especially if they want free child care - which is what this thread is actually about.

If you want to micro manage your kids - go for it - but don’t expect others to play along

I agree

Ok. Let us know how that works out for you.

@Purplevelvetshoes I've listened to his same named talks online for both but not read the actual books yet.

I thought he made a lot of sense in his seminar. Not ALL girls and not ALL boys but I do think there are very common differences between girls and boys that affect how you parent, despite what current society seems to insist.
In fact I have to parent my two girls differently because they are very different personalities. But the important hormonal and developmental stages are going to be similar, whereas my boy will of course be different.

Would you recommend the raising girls book? I always filter out the bits in these kinds of things that are a bit old fashioned. He seems to be fairly sensible though.

Thanks. We went to watch Bath. They won!

“I just feel if I wasn’t around everybody would be so much happier.”
Kindly, you need some help op. More counselling or something.
you’re blocking like a teen, allowing a non blood male to trample over boundaries and insult a young child and you making this kind of nuclear remark does not indicate emotional regulation but manipulation.
I wonder what you DDs version would be.

Childcare and child development research only started in 1984 and is now complete?

Who knew.