DH jokingly calling me a bitch

[GrootGroot]

DH has recently begun jokingly referring to me as a bitch (biii-ach) multiple times now. Yesterday I made a breakfast of bagels, bacon and eggs for everyone and DH asked if I had toasted a stack of bagels? I said no, I could only do one at a time in the toaster. He then said “well you could have used the grill but you are a lazy biiii-ach” DS heard him and told him don’t call me that. DH told everyone not to be so serious etc.

He also whispers (bitch) but again with a smile on his face (it’s cos you’re a bitch) and tickles me or tries to play fight.

Seeking opinions please? There has been historical verbal abuse (very bad stuff) and historical emotional abuse but in arguments he has stopped saying the worst, most dreadful stuff he used to say but seeking opinions on him jokingly calling me a bitch? He says I’m being sensitive.

He is an arsehole and you deserve better

Wtf I wouldn't put up with that. He is not joking. Good for your son standing up and saying its wrong because it is.

It’s not a joke if he’s the only one laughing. This sounds to me like more verbal abuse and he’s trying to make you accept it by pretending it’s funny. It isn’t.

DS has it right. Not only is this not funny because he’s doing it to wind you up and undermine you it is him pushing the boundaries that you have been able to set on his actions. If he genuinely understood that his past behaviour was unacceptable he’d be the last person in the world to start in with this. He sounds horrible.

If there has been very bad historical verbal and emotional abuse, why are you still with him at all?

Well he sounds like a complete arse doesn't he. My DP would never call me that, not even joking and he doesn't have a history like this.

That word is not allowed in our house.
Horrible man. Good on your son for not putting up with it.

Indicates contempt for you and a loss of respect. These are death Nell’s, unless you want increasingly worse more of the same. Get rid of the nasty piece of work.

If someone made me a breakfast like that, I would be giving them so much love.

Don’t ever allow someone to disrespect you like that again.

If anyone attempted that on me, they would be wearing their coffee and told to get out.

I would leave him just for the tickling.

Given his history - he absolutely says this with intent
there is a better world out there for you

I think an occasional one of joke etc is okay (if you both do it and that’s your dynamic) but if he’s repeatedly doing it after you’ve said you don’t like it then it’s not okay.

Make it clear you don’t like it and want him to stop. And also in front of the kids isn’t good either, he needs to grow up.

My God- he sounds awful! Serious emotional and verbal abuse, and now when he is supposedly behaving "better" he is still calling you a bitch?? It's like he just has to be horrible to you.

One final warning and then I would start making plans to end this

If you are still with him then you’ve chosen to be with an asshole. Good luck!

The main thing about jokes is they hat they are meant to be funny.

I'd have replied...here's your eggs and bacon you cunt...but said in an East End gangster manner aka 'you can..t' and seen the look on his face. Just having a joke...right.

Nb..no offence to east end persons, gangsters or indeed cunts

Have you firmly told him you don't like it and to stop?

His humours definitely questionable but he seems to find it funny.

If he continues having made your feelings clear then i would question whether I wanted to be with someone like that.

Given your history, this isn't a joke

He calls you a bitch but it's just a joke?

Nah, get rid. Make 2025 the year of you. Work on yourself, work on your self esteem and live happily ever after without having to listen to the absolute drivel from a mediocre white man ever again!

If mine tried that stunt he'd get such a flea in his ear

You really do need to put a stop to this before it goes any further. I suspect you have a lot on your plate...

He's pushing boundaries while pretending it's intended as "banter". Seeing what he can get away with basically and pretending you're the one at fault for not having a sense of humour.

Manipulative.

He hasn't actually changed from the verbally abusive person he was. He just reined it in for a while, and now it's creeping back by stealth.

I cannot stand being called the b word! Even as a “joke” it makes me cry. You need to have a serious chat with him.

I also think the tickling and play-fighting when you're not into that, is a way for him to assert physical power over you and will probably lead to "accidentally" hurting you. Again while claiming it's all in "fun".

Same sort of fun a bully has.

I’ve tried to leave a few times in the past but I’ve never had a proper plan in place and had huge guilt trips from his family and mine too. I am putting together a plan and putting money aside. I’ve learned more about DA and can see his past behaviours for what they were. I’m also chatting to Womens Aid who have been brilliant.

It’s not always that simple to leave an abusive relationship either. I was completely trapped with nowhere to go and small children, very little money either.